Who would have thought that in the year of your lord 2021 that LeBron James, arguably one of the top ten most famous people on the planet would be locked in a titanic battle of the ages with a 25-year-old Atlanta gold digger dubbed “Courtside Karen”and her 60-year-old Dan Bilzerian wannabe husband who distributes alcohol? Sounds like some kind of drunken mad-lib you would come up with in your college dorm room at 3AM while you and your roommates are drinking Natty Lights playing Goldeneye. No this actually happened last night and it got me thinking about other random NBA Feuds. NBA players are interesting because they seem like they can get into with almost anyone and anything at any time. NBA players have been feuding non-stop since the league began in the 1940’s. Here are some of the most fun, bizarre and totally random NBA feuds in the 21st Century.
10.) Malik Beasley vs. Scottie Pippen
This one isn’t neccesarily a beef as I don’t think either have spoken public about the other, but Malik Beasley straight up stole Scottie Pippen’s wife. Pippen, one of the greatest basketball players off all-time got cucked by some dude who plays for the god damn Timberwolves, the least sexy franchise in sports (except off the court this year with KAT dating Jordyn Woods). Beasley was seen over the offseason holding hands with Scotties estranged wife Larsa Pippen of Real Housewives of Miami and being Kim Kardashian’s friend fame. While Scottie and Larsa have been separated since 2016 they are not officially divorced, but the biggest part of this is that Malik Beasley is also married and his wife had to file for divorce after seeing his affair on the front page of the tabloids. Maybe the real feud is with beasley’s wife. Last thought is this, is Minnesota the new Kardashian capital of the world. I mean Kim married native son Khris Humphries, and now their former friends are all dating Timberwolves players. Minnesota is back baby.
9.) LeBron vs. Courtside Karen
This feud is hilarious on many levels. 1.) This lady was fucking ready to throw down with LeBron who is 6’9″ 250. 2.) Immediately going on Instagram to bitch about getting kicked out of the game because you wanted to fight LeBron is why I love this generation. 3.) Having to announce that you are not a gold digger when your husband is the shitty Atlanta version of the bad guy from Tenet is an admission that you are in fact a gold digger. 4.) LeBron seemed to be having so much fun in his post game presser essentially calling them drunk assholes. 5.) LeBron apparently called him “old steroid ass” which is the exact joke I’ve been trying to make. Hire me LeBron.
8.) Klay Thompson and Draymond Green vs. Rodney McGruder
This is a relatively new feud as well as Klay Thompson, who is out this year with an Achilles injury, and Draymond Green put Rodney McGruder in a body bag after the Warriors beat the Pistons 118-91 on Saturday. Apparently the 5th year vet McGruder tried to get tough at the end of a blowout loss and the Warriors took exception to it and hilariously roasted McGruder after the game.
Rough look for McGruder getting told to fuck off by two future Hall of Famers, but that’s what you get for trying to act tough when you average five minutes a game.
7.) Robin Lopez vs. Mascots
Robin Lopez fucking hates mascots and nobody knows why.
6.) Nick Young vs. D’Angelo Russell
Another NBA feud involving the ladies but this one doesn’t involve a player banging his teammates significant other. Long story short back in 2016 D’Angelo Russell recorded Nick Young talking about cheating on 2016 famous rapper Iggy Azalea, who was engaged to Nick Young AKA Swaggy P at the time (2016 was wild). The video “somehow got leaked” the rest of the Lakers blamed Russell and froze him out and the Lakers sucked. Things apparently go so bad that the Lakers told Russell to get the fuck outta LA and traded him to the Brooklyn Nets in the offseason. I guess the lesson is never cross the great Swaggy P, king of Los Angeles.
5.) Charles Oakley vs. James Dolan
James Dolan, owner of the Knicks since 1999 and frontman of his band that he won’t shut up about since nobody cares, apparently forgot that Charles Oakley is one of the greatest Knicks of all-time when he had Oakley dragged out of Madison Square Garden in 2017.
Oakley was allegedly heckling the notoriously soft Dolan because the Knicks are garbage, but the only thing anyone can confirm that Oakley said was his name, Dolan. Dolan had security escort the former all-star out but not before Oakley reverted back to his playing days and got physical with the guards. Oakley was then banned from MSG for I guess not being nice to Dolan who should remember who he’s messing with, Charles Oakley will fucking kill you. This is basically LeBron vs. Courtside Karen, but if Karen was the owner of the team.
4.) Jimmy Butler vs. Everyone employed by the Timberwolves
This is my favorite feud because it’s the one that hurts me the most. Jimmy Butler, international friendly guy, was just minding his business in the NBA when the Minnesota Timberwolves, the team he played for, decided to suck, something they had been doing for 10+ years previously. In 2018 Butler had just led the Wolves to the playoffs for the first time since 2004 and things were finally looking up for those of us who are dumb enough to be Wolves fans in the first place. After a rocky offseason Butler quickly demanded that the Wolves trade him at the beginning of the 2018-19 season. Three weeks laters Butler had had enough and decided to blow the who thing wide open. First he showed up the practice for the first time since asking for a trade. Then he took the third stringers and took it straight to the starters, trash talking KAT and Wiggins mostly throughout. He then started yelling at everyone in the gym including General Manager Scott Layden telling him he fucking needs Butler and can’t win without him. Immediately after practice Butler sat down for an interview with Rachel Nichols and continued to blast Towns and Wiggins on ESPN. It was like Denzel at the end of Training Day except instead of Terry Crews and other scary guys who shot him, in Butler’s case it was Towns and Wiggins, who probably apologized to him and let him continue his demonic run with the Wolves. Butler finally got his wish in a trade that is still somehow screwing the Wolves over more than two years later, classic.
3.) Matt Barnes vs. Derek Fisher
Another classic edition of NBA teammates fucking each other’s wives. As a basketball fan growing up in the ’90s and 2000’s, the last guy you would think of fucking around with someone else’s wife would be Derek Fisher. He seemed so soft and likeable when he was winning championships with the Lakers, and you assumed all the sleazy stuff was for the megastars like Shaq and Kobe. Not so fast it as turns out that Fisher is a dog. He was getting it on with his former Laker teammate Matt Barnes’ wife when Fisher was the head coach for the Knicks. One of Barnes’ kids called him to say Fisher was there so Barnes allegedly drove 95-miles to kick some ass. They got into a fight and that was that. In hindsight Matt Barnes might be one of the toughest and crazies basketball players ever, maybe just maybe don’t bang his wife, pick someone weaker like Smush Parker.
2.) LeBron vs. Dan Gilbert
LeBron vs. Gilbert is a tale as old as time. Hometown franchise drafts the most famous NBA prospect of all-time. Famous prospect blossoms into best player in the league. Beloved organization does absulutely nothing to help player succeed. Famous player leaves for glitzy Miami on national TV without telling dumpy hometown team first. Hometown team owner gets butthurt and writes a really dumb letter and publishes it nationally saying his dumpy team will win way more championships than greatest player in leagues super team. Super Team wins championship like everyone thought they would while dumpy team takes an even bigger dump with one of the worst seasons of all-time while owner acts like a baby for years afterwards. It’s basically Beauty and the Beast but with Dan Gilbert as the Beast, but instead of learning about true love and not being an asshole, he just sits around looking at his flower while being a dick to his furniture for all eternity.
1.) Gilbert Arenas vs. Javaris Crittendon
Gilbert Arenas vs. Javaris Crittendon will go down in history as the one NBA feud that was .2 seconds away from during into an actual bloodbath in the locker room. It is the reason why the NBA can’t have real feuds and they have to take to the streets and talk trash to wannabe Atlanta influences who marry guys that look like Jim Irsay. No the Arenas/Crittendon duel is the best of the best of actually serious NBA beefs born out of the dumbest scenarios. It all started where all of the good duels in history started, a high stakes card game on the team plane. Arenas apparently pocketed some money ($1,100) that Crittendon thought he was owed and didn’t take kindly to the theft. Two days later when things hadn’t calmed down both brought guns to the team’s practice, Arenas had four unloaded guns while Crittendon pointed a loaded gun at Arenas’ head. Everyone fled the locker room and they eventually figured things out. Both Arenas and Crittendon were suspended for the rest of the season and it ruined their careers. Crittendon never played in the NBA again, partly because he sucked and Arenas was traded the next season and was out of the league before he turned 30. The Crazy part is Crittendon went and fucking killed someone in a gang related shooting and is serving 23 years in prison. This is the most insane feud in NBA history and could have escalated into a huge tragedy in the locker room.
Let this be a lesson to you, don’t piss of an NBA player because they will retaliate by fucking your wife or pointing a gun at you, pick your poison.
Dunking on Oxford 