All-Time NBA Mega-Draft: Coaches

All great teams need a great coach. To round out our mega-draft we decided to draft 30 legendary coaches, one for each team. We went in reverse order so Michael Jordan doesn’t get everything he wants.

Pick 1: San Antonio Spurs (John): Phil Jackson

Stats: 11 NBA Championships, 1155 Wins

The greatest coach of all time to everyone except Scottie Pippen.

Pick 2: New York Knicks (Phil): Gregg Popovich

Stats: 5 NBA Championships, 1310 Wins

Reigned over the Spurs dynasty for 20 years but hasn’t done much without Tim Duncan.

Pick 3: New Orleans Pelicans (John): Pat Riley

Stats: 5 NBA Championships, 1210 Wins

The true sex appeal of the showtime Lakers in the ’80s.

Pick 4: Los Angeles Lakers (Phil): Red Auerbach

Stats: 9 NBA Championships, 938 Wins

The Lakers getting the Celtics legend who tormented them 50 years ago is a perfect pick.

Pick 5: Orlando Magic (John): Chuck Daly

Stats: 2 NBA Championships, 638 Wins

Won with the Bad Boy Pistons, he can handle Iverson and Harden.

Pick 6: Oklahoma City Thunder (Phil): Steve Kerr

Stats: 3 NBA Championships, 376 Wins

Leader of the Warriors dynasty walked into a championship team.

Pick 7: Atlanta Hawks (John): George Karl

Stats: 1 Western Conference Championship, 1175 Wins

One of the best coaches to never win a championship.

Pick 8: Portland Trail Blazers (Phil): John Kundla

Stats: 4 NBA Championships (1 BAA Championship), 423 Wins

Won five championships before your parents were born.

Pick 9: Los Angeles Clippers (John): K.C. Jones

Stats: 2 NBA Championships, 553 Wins

Led arguably the greatest team ever with the 1986 Celtics, so he knows how to coach a super team.

Pick 10: Sacramento Kings (Phil): Erik Spoelstra

Stats: 2 NBA Championships, 607 Wins

Arguably the most underrated coach ever thanks to LeBron.

Pick 11: Brooklyn Nets (John): Don Nelson

Stats: 0 NBA Championships, 1335 Wins

Uncle Donny is going to start his own grow house on the sidelines of the Barclays Center.

Pick 12: Toronto Raptors (Phil): Larry Brown

Stats: 1 NBA Championship, 1327 Wins

KG is probably going to go full Sprewell and choke the shit out of Larry Brown, and he’ll be out in two years.

Pick 13: Chicago Bulls (John): Lenny Wilkens

Stats: 1 NBA Championship, 1332 Wins

A better coach than a player, and he’s a Hall of Fame player.

Pick 14: Cleveland Cavaliers (Phil): Billy Cunningham

Stats: 1 NBA Championship, 454 Wins

See Lenny Wilkens.

Pick 15: Dallas Mavericks (John): Red Holzman

Stats: 2 NBA Championships, 696 Wins

Mark Cuban is going to love having a coach who doesn’t know what crypto is.

Pick 16: Golden State Warriors (Phil): Jerry Sloan

Stats: 2 Western Conference Championships, 1221 Wins

With Sloan the Warriors will get as close to a championship as a team can without ever actually winning one.

Pick 17: Memphis Grizzlies (John): Rudy Tomjanovich

Stats: 2 NBA Championships, 527 Wins

Hopefully, Michael Jordan will retire halfway through the season.

Pick 18: Washington Wizards (Phil): Jack Ramsay

Stats: 1 NBA Championship, 864 Wins

Doctor Jack is just what the Wizards need to win their first championship since 1978.

Pick 19: Detroit Pistons (John): Rick Adelman

Stats: 2 Western Conference Championships, 1042 Wins

Rick Adelman will be fine if he remembers to play his best players more than half the game.

Pick 20: Boston Celtics (Phil): Bill Russell

Stats: 2 NBA Championships, 341 Wins

Bill Russell in Boston, what more do you need?

Pick 21: Houston Rockets (John): Doc Rivers

Stats: 1 NBA Championship, 992 Wins

Doc won his championship with a big-three, now he has a big-15.

Pick 22: Philadelphia 76ers (Phil): Nick Nurse

Stats: 1 NBA Championship, 138 Wins

The newest head coach on the list won a championship with Toronto which is all you need to know.

Pick 23: Minnesota Timberwolves (John): Rick Carlisle

Stats: 1 NBA Championship, 836 Wins

Seems like he could actually be the savior the Timberwolves need.

Pick 24: Phoenix Suns (Phil): Mike D’Antoni

Stats: 0 NBA Championships, 672 Wins

D’Antoni back in Phoenix will be a beautiful thing.

Pick 25: Milwaukee Bucks (John): Bill Fitch

Stats: 1 NBA Championship, 944 Wins

Dude just needs to corral Wilt, which shouldn’t be hard in Milwaukee.

Pick 26: Charlotte Hornets (Phil): Tyronn Lue

Stats: 1 NBA Championship, 175 Wins

Ty Lue should just let Bill Russell coach.

Pick 27: Utah Jazz (John): Dick Motta

Stats: 1 NBA Championship, 935 Wins

Magic is probably going to get Dick fired by Thanksgiving.

Pick 28: Denver Nuggets (Phil): Larry Costello

Stats: 1 NBA Championship, 430 Wins

LeBron is going to get Larry fired by Christmas.

Pick 29: Miami Heat (John): Doug Moe

Stats: 0 NBA Championships, 628 Wins

The Heat are going to score 180 points per game.

Pick 30: Indiana Pacers (Phil): Tex Winter

Stats: Assistant Coach with Phil Jackson for 9 NBA Championships, Triangle offense guru

Probably the best assistant coach of all time. Bringing him back to run the triangle with MJ will work again.

All-Time NBA Mega-Draft: Rounds 13-15

Round 13: Who?

Pick 361: Indiana Pacers (Phil): Carl Braun

Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 5x All-Star, 2x All-NBA (1x All-BAA), Hall of Fame

Teammates: Michael Jordan, Robert Parish, Damian Lillard, Bob Dandridge, Spencer Haywood, Robert Horry, Zion Williamson, Otis Birdsong, Jrue Holiday, Antonio McDyess, Peja Stojakovic, Dan Roundfield

Pick 362: Miami Heat (John): Cazzie Russell

Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 1x All-Star

Teammates: Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Dennis Johnson, Vince Carter, Shawn Marion, Bill Cunningham, Fat Lever, Rudy Tomjanovich, Latrell Sprewell, Kevin Willis, Jerry Sloan, Nick Van Exel, Purvis Short

Pick 363: Denver Nuggets (Phil): Frank Ramsey

Stats: 7x NBA Champion, Hall of Fame

Teammates: LeBron James, Alonzo Mourning, Earl Monroe, Dan Issel, Mark Price, Kemba Walker, Al Horford, Gordon Hayward, Rik Smits, Hersey Hawkins, Andrew Bynum, Sidney Wicks

Pick 364: Utah Jazz (John): Jamal Murray

Stats: 2016-17 All-Rookie

Teammates: Magic Johnson, Bob McAdoo, Bernard King, Kevin Love, Glen Rice, Rip Hamilton, Larry Nance, Gus Williams, Larry Johnson, David Lee, Bill Bradley, Charlie Scott

Pick 365: Charlotte Hornets (Phil): Larry Kenon

Stats: 1x ABA Champion, 2x NBA All-Star (3x ABA)

Teammates: Bill Russell, James Worthy, Tony Parker, Yao Ming, Gail Goodrich, Eddie Jones, Rich Guerin, Larry Foust, Derek Harper, Andrei Kirilenko, Dell Curry, Bob Rule

Pick 366: Milwaukee Bucks (John): Darrell Griffith

Stats: 1980-81 ROY

Teammates: Wilt Chamberlain, Clyde Drexler, Dennis Rodman, Dave Bing, LaMarcus Aldridge, Stephon Marbury, Alvin Robertson, Vin Baker, Rashard Lewis, Kenny Anderson, Carlos Boozer, Corey Maggette

Pick 367: Phoenix Suns (Phil): Tom Sanders

Stats: 8x NBA Champion, 1x All-Defensive, Hall of Fame

Teammates: Larry Bird, Russell Westbrook, Dave Cowens, Joe Johnson, Draymond Green, DeMarcus Cousins, Rod Strickland, Terry Cummings, Fred Brown, A.C. Green, Hot Rod Williams, Danny Ainge

Pick 368: Minnesota Timberwolves (John): Michael Adams

Stats: 1x All-Star

Teammates: Hakeem Olajuwon, Gary Payton, Alex English, Shawn Kemp, Walter Davis, Baron Davis, David West, Michael Redd, Mark Eaton, Xavier McDaniel, Danny Granger, Caron Butler

Pick 369: Philadelphia 76ers (Phil): Campy Russell

Stats: 1x All-Star

Teammates: Shaq, Paul Pierce, Manu Ginobili, Kevin Johnson, Tom Chambers, Deron Williams, Gus Johnson, CJ McCollum, Andre Drummond, Kelly Tripucka, Bam Adebayo, J.J Redick

Pick 370: Houston Rockets (John): Rony Seikaly

Stats: 1989-90 Most Improved

Teammates: Tim Duncan, Tracy McGrady, Grant Hill, Lenny Wilkens, Marc Gasol, Drazen Petrovich, Norm Nixon, Zach Randolph, Andrew Toney, Serge Ibaka, Clifford Robinson, Jamal Mashburn

Pick 371: Boston Celtics (Phil): Truck Robinson

Stats: 2x All-Star, 1x All-NBA

Teammates: Kobe Bryant, Dominique Wilkins, Dikembe Mutombo, Penny Hardaway, Bobby Jones, George McGinnis, Ben Simmons, Dale Ellis, Byron Scott, Otis Thorpe, Ja Morant, Nick Anderson

Pick 372: Detroit Pistons (John): Jonas Valanciunas

Stats: 2021-13 All-Rookie

Teammates: Kevin Durant, Willis Reed, Luka Doncic, Kyle Lowry, DeMar DeRozan, Mark Jackson, Jermaine O’Neal, Jeff Hornacek, Vlade Divac, Victor Oladipo, Slater Martin, Rudy Gay

Pick 373: Washington Wizards (Phil): Happy Hairston

Stats: 1x NBA Champion

Teammates: Oscar Robertson, George Gervin, Wes Unseld, Chris Bosh, Paul Arizin, Neil Johnston, Lou Hudson, Tyson Chandler, Michael Finley, Mike Bibby, Shane Battier, Danny Manning

Pick 374: Memphis Grizzlies (John): Don Ohl

Stats: 5x All-Star

Teammates: Julius Erving, Reggie Miller, Pau Gasol, Blake Griffin, Maurice Cheeks, Karl-Anthony Towns, Terry Porter, Allan Houston, Lou Williams, Paul Millsap, Ricky Pierce, Orlando Woolridge

Pick 375: Golden State Warriors (Phil): Phil Ford

Stats: 1x All-NBA, 1978-79 ROY

Teammate: Steph Curry, Rick Barry, Dwight Howard, Tom Heinsohn, Jimmy Butler, Maurice Lucas, Michael Cooper, Donovan Mitchell, Andrew Bogut, John Drew, Bill Cartwright, Alvan Adams

Pick 376: Dallas Mavericks (John): John Starks

Stats: 1x All-Star, 1x All-Defensive

Teammates: Moses Malone, Elvin Hayes, Adrian Dantley, Joel Embiid, Jo Jo White, Glenn Robinson, Mike Conley, Sean Elliot, Darryl Dawkins, Kenny Smith, Goran Dragic, Christian Laettner

Pick 377: Cleveland Cavaliers (Phil): Bill Bridges

Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 3x All-Star, 2x All-Defensive

Teammates: Karl Malone, Walt Frazier, Pete Maravich, Nikola Jokic, Jack Twyman, Detlef Schrempf, Mark Aguirre, Ron Harper, Clyde Lovellette, Reggie Theus, Tom Gola, Eddie Johnson

Pick 378: Chicago Bulls (John): Larry Costello

Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 6x All-Star, 1x All-NBA

Teammates: Jerry West, Bob Cousy, Sam Jones, Walt Bellamy, Jack Sikma, Jason Terry, Maurice Stokes, Louie Dampier, Brandon Ingram, Brook Lopez, Harry Gallatin, Eddie Johnson part 2

Pick 379: Toronto Raptors (Phil): Randy Smith

Stats: 2x All-Star, 1x All-NBA

Teammates: Kevin Garnett, Ray Allen, Bob Lanier, Tim Hardaway Sr., Chet Walker, Andre Igoudala, Sam Cassell, DeAndre Jordan, Lamar Odom, Steve Smith, Jaylen Brown, Josh Smith

Pick 380: Brooklyn Nets (John): Monta Ellis

Stats: 2006-07 Most Improved

Teammates: David Robinson, John Stockton, David Thompson, Connie Hawkins, Paul Westphal, Rudy Gobert, Mookie Blaylock, Dan Majerle, Terrell Brandon, Al Jefferson, Jeff Malone, Tobias Harris

Pick 381: Sacramento Kings (Phil): Kyle Korver

Stats: 1x All-Star

Teammates: Dirk Nowitzki, Jason Kidd, Artis Gilmore, Mitch Richmond, Bailey Howell, Rolando Blackman, Joakim Noah, Norm Van Lier, Cedric Maxwell, Zach LaVine, Toni Kukoc, P.J. Brown

Pick 382: Los Angeles Clippers (John): K.C. Jones

Stats: 8x NBA Champion, Hall of Fame

Teammates: Elgin Baylor, George Mikan, Hal Greer, Jerry Lucas, Jamaal Wilkes, Cliff Hagan, Jamal Crawford, Zelmo Beaty, Wayne Embry, Doc Rivers, Paul Silas, Gene Shue

Pick 383: Portland Trail Blazers (Phil): Wally Szczerbiak

Stats: 1x All-Star

Teammates: Charles Barkley, Bill Walton, Tiny Archibald, Dolph Schayes, Bradley Beal, Elton Brand, World B. Free, Marcus Camby, George Yardley, Steve Francis, Joe Barry Carroll, Isaiah Thomas

Pick 384: Atlanta Hawks (John): Sam Perkins

Stats: 1984-85 All-Rookie

Teammates: Dwyane Wade, Anthony Davis, Chris Webber, Chauncey Billups, Brandon Roy, John Wall, Horace Grant, Khris Middleton, Nikola Vucevic, Shareef Abdur-Raheem, De’Aaron Fox, Tom Gugliotta

Pick 385: Oklahoma City Thunder (Phil): Kevin Porter

Stats: 4x Assist Champ

Teammates: John Havlicek, Bob Pettit, Derrick Rose, Bill Sharman, Ben Wallace, Vern Mikkelsen, Jayson Tatum, Bob Love, Trae Young, Richard Jefferson, Red Kerr, Arnie Risen

Pick 386: Orlando Magic (John): Guy Rodgers

Stats: 4x All-Star, Hall of Fame

Teammates: Allen Iverson, James Harden, Carmelo Anthony, Dave DeBusschere, Ralph Sampson, Gilbert Arenas, Buck Williams, Tayshaun Prince, Bruce Bowen, Derrick Coleman, Kenyon Martin, Tony Allen

Pick 387: Los Angeles Lakers (Phil): Kristaps Porzingis

Stats: 1x All-Star

Teammates: Kawhi Leonard, Kevin McHale, Kyrie Irving, Sindney Moncrief, Arvydas Sabonis, Rajon Rondo, Mel Daniels, Devin Booker, Dick Van Arsdale, Zydrunas Ilgauskas, Domantas Sabonis, Luol Deng

Pick 388: New Orleans Pelicans (John): Bobby Wanzer

Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 5x All-Star, 3x All-NBA, Hall of Fame

Teammates: Isiah Thomas, Scottie Pippen, Nate Thurmond, Joe Dumars, Bill Laimbeer, Rasheed Wallace, Micheal Ray Richardson, Ron Artest, Doug Collins, Dick Barnett, Juwan Howard, Jalen Rose

Pick 389: New York Knicks (Phil): Geoff Petrie

Stats: 2x All-Star, 1970-71 ROY

Teammates: Giannis, Steve Nash, Klay Thompson, Paul George, Brad Daugherty, Ed Macauley, Kiki Vandeweghe, Calvin Murphy, Antoine Walker, Anthony Mason, Swen Nater, Julius Randle

Pick 390: San Antonio Spurs (John): Gerald Wallace

Stats: 1x All-Star, 1x All-Defensive

Teammates: Chris Paul, Patrick Ewing, Chris Mullin, Amar’e Stoudemire, Marques Johnson, Antawn Jamison, Andre Miller, Charles Oakley, Jerry Stackhouse, Mychal Thompson, Sleepy Floyd, Reggie Lewis

Round 14: I Swear it’s Almost Over

Pick 391: San Antonio Spurs (John): Jason Richardson

Stats: 2001-02 All-Rookie

Teammates: See round 13

Pick 392: New York Knicks (Phil): Steve Kerr

Stats: 5x NBA Champion

Pick 393: New Orleans Pelicans (John): Roy Tarpley

Stats: 1987-88 Sixth Man

Pick 394: Los Angeles Lakers (Phil): Junior Bridgeman

Stats:

Pick 395: Orlando Magic (John): Jason Williams

Stats: 1x NBA Champion

Pick 396: Oklahoma City Thunder (Phil): Rudy LaRusso

Stats: 5x All-Star, 1x All-Defensive

Pick 397: Atlanta Hawks (John): Joe Caldwell

Stats: 2x NBA All-Star (2x ABA), 1x All-ABA, 1x All-Defensive

Pick 398: Portland Trail Blazers (Phil): Andy Phillip

Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 5x All-Star, 2x All-NBA, Hall of Fame

Pick 399: Los Angeles Clippers (John): Willie Naulls

Stats: 3x NBA Champion, 4x All-Star

Pick 400: Sacramento Kings (Phil): Muggsy Bogues

Stats:

Pick 401: Brooklyn Nets (John): Scott Wedman

Stats: 2x NBA Champion, 2x All-Star, 1x All-Defensive

Pick 402: Toronto Raptors (Phil): Shai Gilgeous-Alexander

Stats: 2018-19 All-Rookie

Pick 403: Chicago Bulls (John): Austin Carr

Stats: 1x All-Star

Pick 404: Cleveland Cavaliers (Phil): Dale Davis

Stats: 1x All-Star

Pick 405: Dallas Mavericks (John): Tom Van Arsdale

Stats: 3x All-Star

Pick 406: Golden State Warriors (Phil): Al Attles

Stats: Hall of Fame

Pick 407: Memphis Grizzlies (John): Andrew Wiggins

Stats: 2014-15 ROY

Pick 408: Washington Wizards (Phil): Lucius Allen

Stats: 1x NBA Champion

Pick 409: Detroit Pistons (John): Archie Clark

Stats: 2x All-Star, 1x All-NBA

Pick 410: Boston Celtics (Phil): Clint Capela

Stats: 1x Rebound Champ

Pick 411: Houston Rockets (John): Dick McGuire

Stats: 7x All-Star, 1x All-NBA, Hall of Fame

Pick 412: Philadelphia 76ers (Phil): Pascal Siakam

Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 1x All-Star, 1x All-NBA

Pick 413: Minnesota Timberwolves (John): Cedric Ceballos

Stats: 1x All-Star

Pick 414: Phoenix Suns (Phil): Mike Mitchell

Stats: 1x All-Star

Pick 415: Milwaukee Bucks (John): Keith Van Horn

Stats: 1997-98 All-Rookie

Pick 416: Charlotte Hornets (Phil): Joe Fulks

Stats: 1x BAA Champion, 2x All-Star, 1x All-NBA (3x All-BAA), 1x Scoring Champion, Hall of Fame

Pick 417: Utah Jazz (John): Caldwell Jones

Stats: 1x All-Star, 2x All-Defensive

Pick 418: Denver Nuggets (Phil): Bob Boozer

Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 1x All-Star

Pick 419: Miami Heat (John): Jeff Mullins

Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 3x All-Star

Pick 420: Indiana Pacers (Phil): Brian Winters

Stats: 2x All-Star

Round 15: It’s Finally Over

Pick 421: Indiana Pacers (Phil): Nene

Stats: 2002-03 All-Rookie

Teammates: Michael Jordan, Robert Parish, Damian Lillard, Bob Dandridge, Spencer Haywood, Robert Horry, Zion Williamson, Otis Birdsong, Jrue Holiday, Antonio McDyess, Peja Stojakovic, Dan Roundfield, Carl Braun, Dan Roundfield

Pick 422: Miami Heat (John): Walter Dukes

Stats: 2x All-Star

Teammates: Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Dennis Johnson, Vince Carter, Shawn Marion, Bill Cunningham, Fat Lever, Rudy Tomjanovich, Latrell Sprewell, Kevin Willis, Jerry Sloan, Nick Van Exel, Purvis Short, Cazzie Russell, Jeff Mullins

Pick 423: Denver Nuggets (Phil): Dennis Scott

Stats: 1990-91 All-Rookie

Teammates: LeBron James, Alonzo Mourning, Earl Monroe, Dan Issel, Mark Price, Kemba Walker, Al Horford, Gordon Hayward, Rik Smits, Hersey Hawkins, Andrew Bynum, Sidney Wicks, Frank Ramsey, Bob Boozer

Pick 424: Utah Jazz (John): Billy Knight

Stats: 2x NBA All-STar (1x ABA), 1x All-ABA

Teammates: Magic Johnson, Bob McAdoo, Bernard King, Kevin Love, Glen Rice, Rip Hamilton, Larry Nance, Gus Williams, Larry Johnson, David Lee, Bill Bradley, Charlie Scott, Jamal Murray, Caldwell Jones

Pick 425: Charlotte Hornets (Phil): Jimmy Jones

Stats: 6x ABA All-Star, 3x All-ABA

Teammates: Bill Russell, James Worthy, Tony Parker, Yao Ming, Gail Goodrich, Eddie Jones, Rich Guerin, Larry Foust, Derek Harper, Andrei Kirilenko, Dell Curry, Bob Rule, Larry Kenon, Joe Fulks

Pick 426: Milwaukee Bucks (John): Calvin Natt

Stats: 1x All-Star

Teammates: Wilt Chamberlain, Clyde Drexler, Dennis Rodman, Dave Bing, LaMarcus Aldridge, Stephon Marbury, Alvin Robertson, Vin Baker, Rashard Lewis, Kenny Anderson, Carlos Boozer, Corey Maggette, Darrell Griffith, Keith Van Horn

Pick 427: Phoenix Suns (Phil): Roger Brown

Stats: 3x ABA Champion, 4x ABA All-Star, 3x All-ABA, Hall of Fame

Teammates: Larry Bird, Russell Westbrook, Dave Cowens, Joe Johnson, Draymond Green, DeMarcus Cousins, Rod Strickland, Terry Cummings, Fred Brown, A.C. Green, Hot Rod Williams, Danny Ainge, Tom Sanders, Mike Mitchell

Pick 428: Minnesota Timberwolves (John): Deandre Ayton

Stats: 2018-19 All-Rookie

Teammates: Hakeem Olajuwon, Gary Payton, Alex English, Shawn Kemp, Walter Davis, Baron Davis, David West, Michael Redd, Mark Eaton, Xavier McDaniel, Danny Granger, Caron Butler, Michael Adams, Cedric Ceballos

Pick 429: Philadelphia 76ers (Phil): Derek Fisher

Stats: 5x NBA Champion

Teammates: Shaq, Paul Pierce, Manu Ginobili, Kevin Johnson, Tom Chambers, Deron Williams, Gus Johnson, CJ McCollum, Andre Drummond, Kelly Tripucka, Bam Adebayo, J.J Redick, Campy Russell, Pascal Siakam

Pick 430: Houston Rockets (John): Jimmy Walker

Stats: 2x All-Star

Teammates: Tim Duncan, Tracy McGrady, Grant Hill, Lenny Wilkens, Marc Gasol, Drazen Petrovich, Norm Nixon, Zach Randolph, Andrew Toney, Serge Ibaka, Clifford Robinson, Jamal Mashburn, Rony Seikaly, Dick McGuire

Pick 431: Boston Celtics (Phil): Johnny Green

Stats: 4x All-Star

Teammates: Kobe Bryant, Dominique Wilkins, Dikembe Mutombo, Penny Hardaway, Bobby Jones, George McGinnis, Ben Simmons, Dale Ellis, Byron Scott, Otis Thorpe, Ja Morant, Nick Anderson, Truck Robinson, Clint Capela

Pick 432: Detroit Pistons (John): Ray Williams

Teammates: Kevin Durant, Willis Reed, Luka Doncic, Kyle Lowry, DeMar DeRozan, Mark Jackson, Jermaine O’Neal, Jeff Hornacek, Vlade Divac, Victor Oladipo, Slater Martin, Rudy Gay, Jonas Valancunias, Archie Clark

Pick 433: Washington Wizards (Phil): Jeff Ruland

Stats: 2x All-Star

Teammates: Oscar Robertson, George Gervin, Wes Unseld, Chris Bosh, Paul Arizin, Neil Johnston, Lou Hudson, Tyson Chandler, Michael Finley, Mike Bibby, Shane Battier, Danny Manning, Happy Hairston, Lucius Allen

Pick 434: Memphis Grizzlies (John): Jim Pollard

Stats: 4x BAA/NBA Champion, 4x All-Star, 3x All-NBA (1x All-BAA), Hall of Fame

Teammates: Julius Erving, Reggie Miller, Pau Gasol, Blake Griffin, Maurice Cheeks, Karl-Anthony Towns, Terry Porter, Allan Houston, Lou Williams, Paul Millsap, Ricky Pierce, Orlando Woolridge, Don Ohl, Andrew Wiggins

Pick 435: Golden State Warriors (Phil): Mack Calvin

Stats: 5x ABA All-Star, 4x All-ABA

Teammate: Steph Curry, Rick Barry, Dwight Howard, Tom Heinsohn, Jimmy Butler, Maurice Lucas, Michael Cooper, Donovan Mitchell, Andrew Bogut, John Drew, Bill Cartwright, Alvan Adams, Phil Ford, Al Attles

Pick 436: Dallas Mavericks (John): Don Nelson

Stats: 5x NBA Champion, Hall of Fame

Teammates: Moses Malone, Elvin Hayes, Adrian Dantley, Joel Embiid, Jo Jo White, Glenn Robinson, Mike Conley, Sean Elliot, Darryl Dawkins, Kenny Smith, Goran Dragic, Christian Laettner, John Starks, Tom Van Arsdale

Pick 437: Cleveland Cavaliers (Phil): Phil Chenier

Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 3x All-Star, 1x All-NBA

Teammates: Karl Malone, Walt Frazier, Pete Maravich, Nikola Jokic, Jack Twyman, Detlef Schrempf, Mark Aguirre, Ron Harper, Clyde Lovellette, Reggie Theus, Tom Gola, Eddie Johnson, Bill Bridges, Dale Davis

Pick 438: Chicago Bulls (John): Ray Scott

Teammates: Jerry West, Bob Cousy, Sam Jones, Walt Bellamy, Jack Sikma, Jason Terry, Maurice Stokes, Louie Dampier, Brandon Ingram, Brook Lopez, Harry Gallatin, Eddie Johnson part 2, Larry Costello, Austin Carr

Pick 439: Toronto Raptors (Phil): Donnie Freeman

Stats: 1x ABA Champion, 5x ABA All-Star, 4x All-ABA

Teammates: Kevin Garnett, Ray Allen, Bob Lanier, Tim Hardaway Sr., Chet Walker, Andre Igoudala, Sam Cassell, DeAndre Jordan, Lamar Odom, Steve Smith, Jaylen Brown, Josh Smith, Randy Smith, Shai Gilgeous-Alexander

Pick 440: Brooklyn Nets (John): Vinnie Johnson

Stats: 2x NBA Champion

Teammates: David Robinson, John Stockton, David Thompson, Connie Hawkins, Paul Westphal, Rudy Gobert, Mookie Blaylock, Dan Majerle, Terrell Brandon, Al Jefferson, Jeff Malone, Tobias Harris, Monta Ellis, Scott Wedman

Pick 441: Sacramento Kings (Phil): Jim Paxson

Stats: 2x All-Star, 1x All-NBA

Teammates: Dirk Nowitzki, Jason Kidd, Artis Gilmore, Mitch Richmond, Bailey Howell, Rolando Blackman, Joakim Noah, Norm Van Lier, Cedric Maxwell, Zach LaVine, Toni Kukoc, P.J. Brown, Kyle Korver, Muggsy Bogues

Pick 442: Los Angeles Clippers (John): Eric Gordon

Stats: 2016-17 Sixth Man

Teammates: Elgin Baylor, George Mikan, Hal Greer, Jerry Lucas, Jamaal Wilkes, Cliff Hagan, Jamal Crawford, Zelmo Beaty, Wayne Embry, Doc Rivers, Paul Silas, Gene Shue, K.C. Jones, Willie Naulls

Pick 443: Portland Trail Blazers (Phil): Alex Groza

Stats: 1x All-Star, 2x All-NBA, 1949-50 ROY

Teammates: Charles Barkley, Bill Walton, Tiny Archibald, Dolph Schayes, Bradley Beal, Elton Brand, World B. Free, Marcus Camby, George Yardley, Steve Francis, Joe Barry Carroll, Isaiah Thomas, Wally Szczerbiak, Andy Phillip

Pick 444: Atlanta Hawks (John): Ben Gordon

Stats: 2004-05 Sixth Man

Teammates: Dwyane Wade, Anthony Davis, Chris Webber, Chauncey Billups, Brandon Roy, John Wall, Horace Grant, Khris Middleton, Nikola Vucevic, Shareef Abdur-Raheem, De’Aaron Fox, Tom Gugliotta, Sam Perkins, Joe Caldwell

Pick 445: Oklahoma City Thunder (Phil): Red Rocha

Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 2x All-Star

Teammates: John Havlicek, Bob Pettit, Derrick Rose, Bill Sharman, Ben Wallace, Vern Mikkelsen, Jayson Tatum, Bob Love, Trae Young, Richard Jefferson, Red Kerr, Arnie Risen, Kevin Porter, Rudy LaRusso

Pick 446: Orlando Magic (John): Cliff Robinson

Stats: Not Clifford Robinson

Teammates: Allen Iverson, James Harden, Carmelo Anthony, Dave DeBusschere, Ralph Sampson, Gilbert Arenas, Buck Williams, Tayshaun Prince, Bruce Bowen, Derrick Coleman, Kenyon Martin, Tony Allen, Guy Rodgers, Jason Williams

Pick 447: Los Angeles Lakers (Phil): Danilo Gallinari

Teammates: Kawhi Leonard, Kevin McHale, Kyrie Irving, Sindney Moncrief, Arvydas Sabonis, Rajon Rondo, Mel Daniels, Devin Booker, Dick Van Arsdale, Zydrunas Ilgauskas, Domantas Sabonis, Luol Deng, Kristaps Porzingis, Junior Bridgeman

Pick 448: New Orleans Pelicans (John): Stephen Jackson

Stats: 1x NBA Champion

Teammates: Isiah Thomas, Scottie Pippen, Nate Thurmond, Joe Dumars, Bill Laimbeer, Rasheed Wallace, Micheal Ray Richardson, Ron Artest, Doug Collins, Dick Barnett, Juwan Howard, Jalen Rose, Bobby Wanzer, Roy Tarpley

Pick 449: New York Knicks (Phil): Sam Mitchell

Stats: The greatest player ever

Teammates: Giannis, Steve Nash, Klay Thompson, Paul George, Brad Daugherty, Ed Macauley, Kiki Vandeweghe, Calvin Murphy, Antoine Walker, Anthony Mason, Swen Nater, Julius Randle, Geoff Petrie, Steve Kerr

Pick 450: San Antonio Spurs (John): Malik Sealy

Teammates: Chris Paul, Patrick Ewing, Chris Mullin, Amar’e Stoudemire, Marques Johnson, Antawn Jamison, Andre Miller, Charles Oakley, Jerry Stackhouse, Mychal Thompson, Sleepy Floyd, Reggie Lewis, Gerald Wallace, Jason Richardson

All-Time NBA Mega-Draft: Rounds Nine and Ten

If it is to be said, so it is…so it be. Like Cousin Greg, it’s hard to find the words to describe the rest of the draft picks 241-450 so we’ll leave it unsaid here. If you want a deeper dive on each pick listen to our podcast like you should have been doing all along.

Round 9: The Inefficiency

Pick 241: Indiana Pacers (Phil): Jrue Holiday

Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 1x All-Star, 3x All-Defensive

Teammates: Michael Jordan, Robert Parish, Damian Lillard, Bob Dandridge, Spencer Haywood, Robert Horry, Zion Williamson, Otis Birdsong

Pick 242: Miami Heat (John): Kevin Willis

Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 1x All-Star, 1x All-NBA

Teammates: Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Dennis Johnson, Vince Carter, Shawn Marion, Billy Cunningham, Fat Lever, Rudy Tomjanovich, Latrell Sprewell

Pick 243: Denver Nuggets (Phil): Rik Smits

Stats: 1x All-Star

Teammates: LeBron James, Alonzo Mourning, Earl Monroe, Dan Issel, Mark Price, Kemba Walker, Al Horford, Gordon Hayward

Pick 244: Utah Jazz (John): Larry Johnson

Stats: 2x All-Star, 1x All-NBA, 1991-92 ROY

Teammates: Magic Johnson, Bob McAdoo, Bernard King, Kevin Love, Glen Rice, Rip Hamilton, Larry Nance, Gus Williams

Pick 245: Charlotte Hornets (Phil): Derek Harper

Stats: 2x All-Defensive

Teammates: Bill Russell, James Worthy, Tony Parker, Yao Ming, Gail Goodrich, Eddie Jones, Rich Guerin, Larry Foust

Pick 246: Milwaukee Bucks (John): Rashard Lewis

Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 2x All-Star

Teammates: Wilt Chamberlain, Clyde Drexler, Dennis Rodman, Dave Bing, LaMarcus Aldridge, Stephon Marbury, Alvin Robertson, Vin Baker

Pick 247: Phoenix Suns (Phil): Fred Brown

Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 1x All-Star

Teammates: Larry Bird, Russell Westbrook, Dave Cowens, Joe Johnson, Draymond Green, DeMarcus Cousins, Rod Strickland, Terry Cummings

Pick 248: Minnesota Timberwolves (John): Mark Eaton

Stats: 1x All-Star, 5x All-Defensive, 2x DPOY

Teammates: Hakeem Olajuwon, Gary Payton, Alex English, Shawn Kemp, Walter Davis, Baron Davis, David West, Michael Redd

Pick 249: Philadelphia 76ers (Phil): Andre Drummond

Stats: 2x All-Star, 1x All-NBA

Teammates: Shaq, Paul Pierce, Manu Ginobili, Kevin Johnson, Tom Chambers, Deron Williams, Gus Johnson, CJ McCollum

Pick 250: Houston Rockets (John): Andrew Toney

Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 2x All-Star

Teammates: Tim Duncan, Tracy McGrady, Grant Hill, Lenny Wilkens, Marc Gasol, Drazen Petrovich, Norm Nixon, Zach Randolph

Pick 251: Boston Celtics (Phil): Byron Scott

Stats: 3x NBA Champion

Teammates: Kobe Bryant, Dominique Wilkins, Dikembe Mutombo, Penny Hardaway, Bobby Jones, George McGinnis, Ben Simmons, Dale Ellis

Pick 252: Detroit Pistons (John): Vlade Divac

Stats: 1x All-Star, Hall of Fame

Teammates: Kevin Durant, Willis Reed, Luka Doncic, Kyle Lowry, DeMar DeRozan, Mark Jackson, Jermaine O’Neal, Jeff Hornacek

Pick 253: Washington Wizards (Phil): Michael Finley

Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 2x All-Star

Teammates: Oscar Robertson, George Gervin, Wes Unseld, Chris Bosh, Paul Arizin, Neil Johnston, Lou Hudson, Tyson Chandler

Pick 254: Memphis Grizzlies (John): Lou Williams

Stats: 3x Sixth Man

Teammates: Julius Erving, Reggie Miller, Pau Gasol, Blake Griffin, Maurice Cheeks, Karl-Anthony Towns, Terry Porter, Allan Houston

Pick 255: Golden State Warriors (Phil): Andrew Bogut

Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 1x All-NBA, 1x All-Defensive

Teammate: Steph Curry, Rick Barry, Dwight Howard, Tom Heinsohn, Jimmy Butler, Maurice Lucas, Michael Cooper, Donovan Mitchell

Pick 256: Dallas Mavericks (John): Darryl Dawkins

Stats: Good at dunking

Teammates: Moses Malone, Elvin Hayes, Adrian Dantley, Joel Embiid, Jo Jo White, Glenn Robinson, Mike Conley, Sean Elliot

Pick 257: Cleveland Cavaliers (Phil): Clyde Lovelette

Stats: 3x NBA Champion, 4x All-Star, 1x All-NBA, Hall of Fame

Teammates: Karl Malone, Walt Frazier, Pete Maravich, Nikola Jokic, Jack Twyman, Detlef Schrempf, Mark Aguirre, Ron Harper

Pick 258: Chicago Bulls (John): Brandon Ingram

Stats: 1x All-Star

Teammates: Jerry West, Bob Cousy, Sam Jones, Walt Bellamy, Jack Sikma, Jason Terry, Maurice Stokes, Louie Dampier

Pick 259: Toronto Raptors (Phil): Lamar Odom

Stats: 2x NBA Champion

Teammates: Kevin Garnett, Ray Allen, Bob Lanier, Tim Hardaway Sr., Chet Walker, Andre Igoudala, Sam Cassell, DeAndre Jordan

Pick 260: Brooklyn Nets (John): Terrell Brandon

Stats: 2x All-Star

Teammates: David Robinson, John Stockton, David Thompson, Connie Hawkins, Paul Westphal, Rudy Gobert, Mookie Blaylock, Dan Majerle

Pick 261: Sacramento Kings (Phil): Cedric Maxwell

Stats: 2x NBA Champion, 1x Finals MVP

Teammates: Dirk Nowitzki, Jason Kidd, Artis Gilmore, Mitch Richmond, Bailey Howell, Rolando Blackman, Joakim Noah, Norm Van Lier

Pick 262: Los Angeles Clippers (John): Wayne Embry

Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 5x All-Star, Hall of Fame

Teammates: Elgin Baylor, George Mikan, Hal Greer, Jerry Lucas, Jamaal Wilkes, Cliff Hagan, Jamal Crawford, Zelmo Beaty

Pick 263: Portland Trail Blazers (Phil): George Yardley

Stats: 6x All-Star, 2x All-NBA, 1x Scoring Champ, Hall of Fame

Teammates: Charles Barkley, Bill Walton, Tiny Archibald, Dolph Schayes, Bradley Beal, Elton Brand, World B. Free, Marcus Camby

Pick 264: Atlanta Hawks (John): Nikola Vucevic

Stats: 2x All-Star

Teammates: Dwyane Wade, Anthony Davis, Chris Webber, Chauncey Billups, Brandon Roy, John Wall, Horace Grant, Khris Middleton

Pick 265: Oklahoma City Thunder (Phil): Trae Young

Stats: 1x All-Star

Teammates: John Havlicek, Bob Pettit, Derrick Rose, Bill Sharman, Ben Wallace, Vern Mikkelsen, Jayson Tatum, Bob Love

Pick 266: Orland Magic (John): Bruce Bowen

Stats: 3x NBA Champion, 8x All-Defensive

Teammates: Allen Iverson, James Harden, Carmelo Anthony, Dave DeBusschere, Ralph Sampson, Gilbert Arenas, Buck Williams, Tayshaun Prince

Pick 267: Los Angeles Lakers (Phil): Dick Van Arsdale

Stats: 3x All-Star, 1x All-Defensive

Teammates: Kawhi Leonard, Kevin McHale, Kyrie Irving, Sindney Moncrief, Arvydas Sabonis, Rajon Rondo, Mel Daniels, Devin Booker

Pick 268: New Orleans Pelicans (John): Doug Collins

Stats: 4x All-Star

Teammates: Isiah Thomas, Scottie Pippen, Nate Thurmond, Joe Dumars, Bill Laimbeer, Rasheed Wallace, Micheal Ray Richardson, Ron Artest

Pick 269: New York Knicks (Phil): Antoine Walker

Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 3x All-Star

Teammates: Giannis, Steve Nash, Klay Thompson, Paul George, Brad Daugherty, Ed Macauley, Kiki Vandeweghe, Calvin Murphy

Pick 270: San Antonio Spurs (John): Jerry Stackhouse

Stats: 2x All-Star

Teammates: Chris Paul, Patrick Ewing, Chris Mullin, Amar’e Stoudemire, Marques Johnson, Antawn Jamison, Andre Miller, Charles Oakley

Round 10: God There’s Still 6 More of these

Pick 271: San Antonio Spurs (John): Mychal Thompson

Stats: 2x NBA Champion

Teammates: See round 9

Pick 272: New York Knicks (Phil): Anthony Mason

Stats: 1x All-Star, 1x All-NBA, 1x All-Defensive

Pick 273: New Orleans Pelicans (John): Dick Barnett

Stats: 2x NBA Champion, 1x All-Star

Pick 274: Los Angeles Lakers (Phil): Zydrunas Ilgauskas

Stats: 2x All-Star

Pick 275: Orlando Magic (John): Derrick Coleman

Stats: 1x All-Star, 2x All-NBA, 1990-91 ROY

Pick 276: Oklahoma City (Phil): Richard Jefferson

Stats: 1x NBA Champion

Pick 277: Atlanta Hawks (John): Shareef Abdur-Rahim

Stats: 1x All-Star

Pick 278: Portland Trail Blazers (Phil): Steve Francis

Stats: 3x All-Star, 1999-2000 ROY

Pick 279: Los Angeles Clippers (John): Doc Rivers

Stats: 1x All-Star

Pick 280: Sacramento Kings (Phil): Zach LaVine

Stats: 1x All-Star

Pick 281: Brooklyn Nets (John): Al Jefferson

Stats: 1x All-NBA

Pick 282: Toronto Raptors (Phil): Steve Smith

Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 1x All-Star

Pick 283: Chicago Bulls (John): Brook Lopez

Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 1x All-Star, 1x All-Defensive

Pick 284: Cleveland Cavaliers (Phil): Reggie Theus

Stats: 2x All-Star

Pick 285: Dallas Mavericks (John): Kenny Smith

Stats: 2x NBA Champion

Pick 286: Golden State Warriors (Phil): John Drew

Stats: 2x All-Star

Pick 287: Memphis Grizzlies (John): Paul Millsap

Stats: 4x All-Star, 1x All-Defensive

Pick 288: Washington Wizards (Phil): Mike Bibby

Stats: Almost beat the All-Jordan Team by himself

Pick 289: Detroit Pistons (John): Victor Oladipo

Stats: 2x All-Star, 1x All-NBA, 1x All-Defensive

Pick 290: Boston Celtics (Phil): Otis Thorpe

Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 1x All-Star

Pick 291: Houston Rockets (John): Serge Ibaka

Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 3x All-Defensive

Pick 292: Philadelphia 76ers (Phil): Kelly Tripucka

Stats: 2x All-Star

Pick 293: Minnesota Timberwolves (John): Xavier McDaniel

Stats: 1x All-Star

Pick 294: Phoenix Suns (Phil): A.C. Green

Stats: 3x NBA Champion, 1x All-Star, 1x All-Defensive, Virgin

Pick 295: Milwaukee Bucks (John): Kenny Anderson

Stats: 1x All-Star

Pick 296: Charlotte Hornets (Phil): Andrei Kirilenko

Stats: 1x All-Star, 3x All-Defensive

Pick 297: Utah Jazz (John): David Lee

Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 2x All-Star, 1x All-NBA

Pick 298: Denver Nuggets (Phil): Hersey Hawkins

Stats: 1x All-Star

Pick 299: Miami Heat (John): Jerry Sloan

Stats: 2x All-Star, 6x All-Defensive, Hall of Fame

Pick 300: Indiana Pacers (Phil): Antonio McDyess

Stats: 1x All-Star, 1x All-NBA

All-Time NBA Mega-Draft: Rounds Five and Six

The third iteration of the mega-draft is where things get insanely difficult. The rest of this draft could devolve into a really boring game of “what about this guy”. The remainder of the draft also doesn’t have the established hierarchy that the top 100 does, which is what makes it fun. There’s 4,000 players that you could conceivably take in the 150-450 which will inevitably lead to taking huge reaches and guys who should have gone in the top 120 falling to 220. So sit back, relax, and don’t get pissed off at the next two rounds.

Round 5: The “should have been round three ” guys

Pick 121: Indiana Pacers (Phil): Spencer Haywood

Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 1x ABA MVP, 4x NBA All-Star (1x ABA), 4x All-NBA (1x All-ABA), 1969-70 ABA ROY, Hall of Fame

Teammates: Michael Jordan, Robert Parish, Damian Lillard, Bob Dandridge

Just give the Pacers their championship now as long as they keep him off of cocaine.

Pick 122: Miami Heat (John): Billy Cunningham

Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 1x ABA MVP, 4x NBA All-Star (1x ABA), 4x All-NBA (1x All-ABA), Hall of Fame

Teammates: Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Dennis Johnson, Vince Carter, Shawn Marion

How did Hall of Famer Billy Cunningham fall to 122nd? Maybe we aren’t the best at this.

Pick 123: Denver Nuggets (Phil): Mark Price

Stats: 4x All-Star, 4x All-NBA

Teammates: LeBron James, Alonzo Mourning, Earl Monroe, Dan Issel

The original Steph Curry.

Pick 124: Utah Jazz (John): Glen Rice

Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 3x All-Star, 2x All-NBA

Teammates: Magic Johnson, Bob McAdoo, Bernard King, Kevin Love

Continuing the all offense no defense theme in Utah.

Pick 125: Charlotte Hornets (Phil): Gail Goodrich

Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 5x All-Star, 1x All-NBA, Hall of Fame

Teammates: Bill Russell, James Worthy, Tony Parker, Yao Ming

One of the most overlooked stars of the late ’60s and ’70s.

Pick 126: Milwaukee Bucks (John): LaMarcus Aldridge

Stats: 7x All-Star, 5x All-NBA

Teammates: Wilt Chamberlain, Clyde Drexler, Dennis Rodman, Dave Bing

One of the most overlooked stars of the last 15 years. Even most NBA fans probably wouldn’t guess that Aldridge made seven All-Star teams and five All-NBA teams.

Pick 127: Phoenix Suns (Phil): Draymond Green

Stats: 3x NBA Champion, 3x All-Star, 2x All-NBA, 6x All-Defensive, 1x DPOY

Teammates: Larry Bird, Russell Westbrook, Dave Cowens, Joe Johnson

Draymond, Westbrook, Bird, and Cowens on the same team is a recipe for disaster. Hopefully Joe Johnson can keep the peace.

Pick 128: Minnesota Timberwolves (John): Walter Davis

Stats: 6x All-Star, 2x All-NBA, 1977-78 ROY

Teammates: Hakeem Olajuwon, Gary Payton, Alex English, Shawn Kemp

Not bad being Michael Jordan’s idol growing up.

Pick 129: Philadelphia 76ers (Phil): Tom Chambers

Stats: 4x All-Star, 2x All-NBA

Teammates: Shaquille O’Neal, Paul Pierce, Manu Ginobili, Kevin Johnson

Reunited with his point guard in Phoenix, Kevin Johnson this team is going to get out and run (except for Shaq) and score a shit ton of points..

Pick 130: Houston Rockets (John): Marc Gasol

Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 3x All-Star, 2x All-NBA, 1x All-Defensive, 1x DPOY

Teammates: Tim Duncan, Tracy McGrady, Grant Hill, Lenny Wilkens

Being the second best to your older brother is never fun (John can attest to that) but you can live with it if you’re Marc Gasol.

Pick 131: Boston Celtics (Phil): Bobby Jones

Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 4x NBA All-Star (1x ABA), 1x All-ABA, 11x All-Defensive, Hall of Fame

Teammates: Kobe Bryant, Dominique Wilkins, Dikembe Mutombo, Penny Hardaway

One of the best defensive forwards ever, Bobby Jones should slot nicely next to Dikembe in the front court.

Pick 132: Detroit Pistons (John): DeMar DeRozan

Stats: 4x All-Star, 2x All-NBA

Teammates: Kevin Durant, Willis Reed, Luka Doncic, Kyle Lowry

Reunited with his best friend Kyle Lowery. Maybe this time they can actually win a championship together.

Pick 133: Washington Wizards (Phil): Paul Arizin

Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 10x All-Star, 4x All-NBA, 1950-51 ROY, 2x Scoring Champ, Hall of Fame

Teammates: Oscar Robertson, George Gervin, Wes Unseld, Chris Bosh

If this were a list of the best players in NBA history Arizin would be 60 spots higher. This pick is proof that we have recency bias.

Pick 134: Memphis Grizzlies (John): Maurice Cheeks

Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 4x All-Star, 5x All-Defensive, Hall of Fame

Teammates: Julius Erving, Reggie Miller, Pau Gasol, Blake Griffin

As good at singing as he was at basketball.

Pick 135: Golden State Warriors (Phil): Jimmy Butler

Stats: 5x All-Star, 4x All-NBA, 5x All-Defensive

Teammates: Steph Curry, Rick Barry, Dwight Howard, Tom Heinsohn

Just waiting for Butler to take the scrubs and kick Dwight Howard’s ass in a scrimmage and immediately call Rachel Nichols.

Pick 136: Dallas Mavericks (John): Jo Jo White

Stats: 2x NBA Champion, 1x Finals MVP, 7x All-Star, 2x All-NBA, Hall of Fame

Teammates: Moses Malone, Elvin Hayes, Adrian Dantley, Joel Embiid

The big beer Mavs finally got the point guard they desperately needed.

Pick 137: Cleveland Cavaliers (Phil): Jack Twyman

Stats: 6x All-Star, 2x All-NBA, Hall of Fame

Teammates: Karl Malone, Walt Frazier, Pete Maravich, Nikola Jokic

This might be the weirdest mix of players through five rounds.

Pick 138: Chicago Bulls (John): Jack Sikma

Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 7x All-Star, 1x All-Defensive, Hall of Fame

Teammates: Jerry West, Bob Cousy, Sam Jones, Walt Bellamy

Back -to-back Jacks.

Pick 139: Toronto Raptors (Phil): Chet Walker

Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 7x All-Star, Hall of Fame

Teammates: Kevin Garnett, Ray Allen, Bob Lanier, Tim Hardaway Sr.

The original “The Jet” long before Kenny Smith or Jason Terry.

Pick 140: Brooklyn Nets (John): Paul Westphal

Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 5x All-Star, 4x All-NBA, Hall of Fame

Teammates: David Robinson, John Stockton, David Thompson, Connie Hawkins

A run-and-gun player turned into a run-and-gun coach.

Pick 141: Sacramento Kings (Phil): Bailey Howell

Stats: 2x NBA Champion, 6x All-Star, 1x All-NBA, Hall of Fame

Teammates: Dirk Nowitzki, Jason Kidd, Artis Gilmore, Mitch Richmond

Just another guy who won championships with Boston in the ’60s.

Pick 142: Los Angeles Clippers (John): Jamaal Wilkes

Stats: 4x NBA Champion, 3x All-Star, 2x All-Defensive, 1974-75 ROY, Hall of Fame

Teammates: Elgin Baylor, George Mikan, Hal Greer, Jerry Lucas

An integral piece of the early Showtime Lakers dynasty.

Pick 143: Portland Trail Blazers (Phil): Bradley Beal

Stats: 3x All-Star, 1x All-NBA

Teammates: Charles Barkley, Bill Walton, Tiny Archibald, Dolph Schayes

How ironic that the anti-vaxxer is going to Portland.

Pick 144: Atlanta Hawks (John): Brandon Roy

Stats: 3x All-Star, 2x All-NBA, 2006-07 ROY

Teammates: Dwyane Wade, Anthony Davis, Chris Webber, Chauncey Billups

What could have been had Roy’s knees held up.

Pick 145: Oklahoma City Thunder (Phil): Ben Wallace

Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 4x All-Star, 5x All-NBA, 6x All-Defensive, 4x DPOY, Hall of Fame

Teammates: John Havlicek, Bob Pettit, Derrick Rose, Bill Sharman

Ben Wallace and Derrick Rose are the most interesting people to team up with three old-timers.

Pick 146: Orlando Magic (John): Ralph Sampson

Stats: 4x All-Star, 1x All-NBA, 1983-84 ROY, Hall of Fame

Teammates: Allen Iverson, James Harden, Carmelo Anthony, Dave DeBusschere

Great choice John, Ralph Sampson’s son tried to cheat off my test once, what does that say about your integrity picking parents like this?

Pick 147: Los Angeles Lakers (Phil): Arvydas Sabonis

Stats: Hall of Fame

Teammates: Kawhi Leonard, Kevin McHale, Kyrie Irving, Sidney Moncrief

Sabonis would be top 50 if he would have been allowed to go to the NBA in his prime.

Pick 148: New Orleans Pelicans (John): Bill Laimbeer

Stats: 2x NBA Champion, 4x All-Star

Teammates: Isiah Thomas, Scottie Pippen, Nate Thurmond, Joe Dumars

Scottie Pippen is going to get murdered.

Pick 149: New York Knicks (Phil): Brad Daugherty

Stats: 5x All-Star, 1x All-NBA

Teammates: Giannis Antetokounmpo, Steve Nash, Klay Thompson, Paul George

Injuries derailed his career, but I still don’t feel amazing about this one.

Pick 150: San Antonio Spurs (John): Marques Johnson

Stats: 5x All-Star, 3x All-NBA

Teammates: Chris Paul, Patrick Ewing, Chris Mullin, Amar’e Stoudemire

His son is the king of Twitter apparently, @KingJosiah54

Round 6: The “Should have been round nine” guys

Pick 151: San Antonio Spurs (John): Antawn Jamison

Stats: 2x All-Star

Teammates: See Round 5

The reason why LeBron left Cleveland the first time.

Pick 152: New York Knicks (Phil): Ed Macauley

Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 7x All-Star, 4x All-NBA, Hall of Fame

Nobody knows who this is and that’s perfect for the Knicks.

Pick 153: New Orleans Pelicans (John): Rasheed Wallace

Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 4x All-Star

Bad Boy Pistons meet Jail Blazers meet Scottie Pippen’s Corpse.

Pick 154: Los Angeles Lakers (Phil): Rajon Rondo

Stats: 2x NBA Champion, 4x All-Star, 1x All-NBA

Playoff Rondo would have been top-25.

Pick 155: Orlando Magic (John): Gilbert Arenas

Stats: 3x All-Star, 3x All-NBA

Almost started a shootout in the locker room, and his career ended shortly after.

Pick 156: Oklahoma City Thunder (Phil): Vern Mikkelsen

Stats: 4x NBA Champion, 6x All-Star, 4x All-NBA, Hall of Fame

Sounds like a golfer.

Pick 157: Atlanta Hawks (John): John Wall

Stats: 5x All-Star, 1x All-NBA, 1x All-Defensive

Hard to believe this guy used to be the most electrifying guard in the league.

Pick 158: Portland Trail Blazers (Phil): Elton Brand

Stats: 2x All-Star, 1x All-NBA, 1999-2000 ROY

Had the bad luck to play for the post-Jordan Bulls and Clippers in his prime.

Pick 159: Los Angeles Clippers (John): Cliff Hagan

Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 6x All-Star, 2x All-NBA, Hall of Fame

Also sounds like a golfer.

Pick 160: Sacramento Kings (Phil): Rolando Blackman

Stats: 4x All-Star

Apparently really popular in Australia in the late ’80s.

Pick 161: Brooklyn Nets (John): Rudy Gobert

Stats: 2x All-Star, 4x All-NBA, 5x All-Defensive, 3x DPOY

Best defensive player of this generation.

Pick 162: Toronto Raptors (Phil): Andre Igoudala

Stats: 3x NBA Champion, 1x Finals MVP, 1x All-Star, 2x All-Defensive

Some people think he should make the Hall of Fame which is a stupid take.

Pick 163: Chicago Bulls (John): Jason Terry

Stats: 1x NBA Champion

This might be the first person who was taken 100+ spots ahead of where he should have been taken.

Pick 164: Cleveland Cavaliers (Phil): Detlef Schrempf

Stats: 3x All-Star, 1x All-NBA

One of the best sixth-men of all-time.

Pick 165: Dallas Mavericks (John): Glenn Robinson

Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 2x All-Star

Big Dog might be the most forgotten about number one overall pick ever.

Pick 166: Golden State Warriors (Phil): Maurice Lucas

Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 4x NBA All-Star (1x ABA), 1x All-NBA, 2x All-Defensive

A big part of the 1978 Blazers championship team.

Pick 167: Memphis Grizzlies (John): Karl-Anthony Towns

Stats: 2x All-Star, 1x All-NBA, 2015-16 ROY

For both of our sakes, KAT better be the MVP this season.

Pick 168: Washington Wizards (Phil): Neil Johnston

Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 6x All-Star, 5x All-NBA, 3x Scoring Champ, Hall of Fame

I’m not even sure this guy was actually a real NBA player in the ’50s.

Pick 169: Detroit Pistons (John): Mark Jackson

Stats: 1x All-Star, 1987-88 ROY

Momma, there goes that man.

Pick 170: Boston Celtics (Phil): George McGinnis

Stats: 2x ABA Champion, 1x ABA MVP, 3x NBA All-Star (3x ABA), 2x All-NBA (3x All-ABA), Hall of Fame

A dominant player in the ABA was pretty good when he made the transition to the NBA.

Pick 171: Houston Rockets (John): Drazen Petrovic

Stats: 1x All-NBA, Hall of Fame

Just hitting his prime before he died in a car accident.

Pick 172: Philadelphia 76ers (Phil): Deron Williams

Stats: 3x All-Star, 2x All-NBA

Once upon a time Deron Williams was thought to be better than Chris Paul.

Pick 173: Minnesota Timberwolves (John): Baron Davis

Stats: 2x All-Star, 1x All-NBA

John decided to pick with his heart this round and it’s not going well.

Pick 174: Phoenix Suns (Phil): DeMarcus Cousins

Stats: 4x All-Star, 2x All-NBA

Five years ago Cousins could have been scratching the top 100.

Pick 175: Milwaukee Bucks (John): Stephon Marbury

Stats: 2x All-Star, 2x All-NBA

He hated living in Minneapolis so I can’t imagine he’s going to love Milwaukee.

Pick 176: Charlotte Hornets (Phil): Eddie Jones

Stats: 3x All-Star, 1x All-NBA, 3x All-Defensive

I don’t think anyone would believe if I told you that Eddie Jones was a three-time All-Star.

Pick 177: Utah Jazz (John): Rip Hamilton

Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 3x All-Star

The mask is back.

Pick 178: Denver Nuggets (Phil): Kemba Walker

Stats: 4x All-Star, 1x All-NBA

Kemba was on his way up this list until injuries slowed his career progression.

Pick 179: Miami Heat (John): Fat Lever

Stats: 2x All-Star, 1x All-NBA, 1x All-Defensive

Fat Lever sounds like a ’40s Jazz musician.

Pick 180: Indiana Pacer (Phil): Robert Horry

Stats: 7x NBA Champion

Robert Horry is the greatest modern champion in NBA history.

All-Time NBA Mega-Draft: Rounds Three and Four

I have a prediction to make, these are the last two rounds that anyone will actually care about. The NBA is a relatively new league with far fewer players than say the MLB or NFL. That means there aren’t nearly as many all-time great players in the history of the NBA. Once you get around 100-150 the names begin to drop off from hall of famers to guys who were pretty good for like three years very quickly. That being said, there are still a lot of interesting decisions to be made. Do you value modern players with fewer accolades over old school guys who maybe won a few championships but missed out on the personal glory? Do you value guards over bigs? Which position will dry up first? and so on. One trigger warning I’ll make, this isn’t a list of the best players ever, it’s a draft where dozens of variables are taken into consideration to try to build the best teams. Your favorite point guard may fall 20 spots because all of the other teams already have point guards. Not to say we (John) didn’t make some huge reaches for guys who maybe wouldn’t have been picked this high, but that’s what happens in drafts and that’s why they’re fun. Without further ado, here are rounds three and four of our mega-draft.

Round 3: The Guys You Have Still Heard Of

Pick 61: Indiana Pacers (Phil): Damian Lillard

Stats: 6x All-Star, 6x All-Pro, 2012-13 ROY

Teammates: Michael Jordan, Robert Parish

It’s Dame time in Indianapolis. This team is going to mow everyone else down in the playoffs.

Pick 62: Miami Heat (John): Vince Carter

Stats: 8x All-Star, 2x All-NBA, 1998-99 ROY

Teammates: Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Dennis Johnson

It’s been about 15 years since Vince Carter was a relevant NBA player, which is insane to think about because he just retired a year ago. Most people know him as the greatest dunker ever and It’s hard to remember how good Vinsanity really was during his prime in the early 2000’s.

Pick 63: Denver Nuggets (Phil): Earl Monroe

Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 4x All-Star, 1x All-NBA, 1967-68 ROY, Hall of Fame

Teammates: LeBron James, Alonzo Mourning

Earl Monroe has the coolest nicknames in NBA history. A smattering of the best on Basketball Reference include: The Pearl, Black Jesus, The Lord’s Prayer, Einstein, and Thomas Edison.

Pick 64: Utah Jazz (John): Bernard King

Stats: 4x All-Star, 4x All-NBA, 1x Scoring Champ, Hall of Fame

Teammates: Magic Johnson, Bob McAdoo

The Jazz are going to score 130 points a game, and give up 140.

Pick 65: Charlotte Hornets (Phil): Tony Parker

Stats: 4x NBA Champion, 1x Finals MVP, 6x All-Star, 4x All-NBA

Teammates: Bill Russell, James Worthy

A proven winner joins two more proven winners in Russell and Worthy. Charlotte won’t be flashy, but will get the job done when it matters.

Pick 66: Milwaukee Bucks (John): Dennis Rodman

Stats: 5x NBA Champion, 2x All-Star, 2x All-NBA, 8x All-Defensive, 2x DPOY, Hall of Fame

Teammates: Wilt Chamberlain, Clyde Drexler

Milwaukee is going to burn to the ground by Christmas.

Pick 67: Phoenix Suns (Phil): Dave Cowens

Stats: 2x NBA Champion, 1x NBA MVP, 8x All-Star, 3x All-NBA, 3x All-Defensive, 1970-71 ROY, Hall of Fame

Teammates: Larry Bird, Russell Westbrook

Phoenix has officially become Boston-West (and Westbrook).

Pick 68: Minnesota Timberwolves (John): Alex English

Stats: 8x All-Star, 3x All-NBA, 1x Scoring Champ, Hall of Fame

Teammates: Hakeem Olajuwon, Gary Payton

The coolest team is forming with the lamest franchise.

Pick 69: Philadelphia 76ers (Phil): Manu Ginobili

Stats: 4x NBA Champion, 2x All-Star, 2x All-NBA

Teammates: Shaquille O’Neal, Paul Pierce

Manu will quickly become the most popular player in Philly after Shaq shows up out of shape and Paul Pierce will just be an annoying shit and Manu will show up and play ball.

Pick 70: Houston Rockets (John): Grant Hill

Stats: 7x All-Star, 5x All-NBA, 1994-95 ROY, Hall of Fame

Teammates: Tim Duncan, Tracy McGrady

The what-if 2000 Orlando Magic free agency dream team is finally real.

Pick 71: Boston Celtics (Phil): Dikembe Mutombo

Stats: 8x All-Star, 3x All-NBA, 6x All-Defensive, 4x DPOY, Hall of Fame

Teammates: Kobe Bryant, Dominique Wilkins

The Celtics are back and are going to dunk everything on your fucking head and block every shot and kinda be dicks about it.

Pick 72: Detroit Pistons (John): Luka Doncic

Stats: 2x All-Star, 2x All-NBA, 2018-19 ROY

Teammates: Kevin Durant, Willis Reed

Luka is a lock to be top-30 when we inevitably redo this in ten years.

Pick 73: Washington Wizards (Phil): Wes Unseld

Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 1x NBA MVP, 1x Finals MVP, 5x All-Star, 1x All-NBA, 1968-69 ROY, Hall of Fame

Teammates: Oscar Robertson, George Gervin

Unseld is back in Washington and ready to bring the outlet pass highlight back to prominence.

Pick 74: Memphis Grizzlies (John): Pau Gasol

Stats: 2x NBA Champion, 6x All-Star, 4x All-NBA, 2001-02 ROY

Teammates: Julius Erving, Reggie Miller

Pau goes back to Memphis to bring the super exciting duo of Dr. J and Reggie Miller back down to Earth a bit.

Pick 75: Golden State Warriors (Phil): Dwight Howard

Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 8x All-Star, 8x All-NBA, 5x All-Defensive, 3x DPOY

Teammates: Steph Curry, Rick Barry

The all dickhead team minus Steph Curry.

Pick 76: Dallas Mavericks (John): Adrian Dantley

Stats: 6x All-Star, 2x All-NBA, 2x Scoring Champ, 1976-77 ROY, Hall of Fame

Teammates: Moses Malone, Elvin Hayes

A scoring machine to team up with the two rebounding machines.

Pick 77: Cleveland Cavaliers (Phil): Pete Maravich

Stats: 5x All-Star, 4x All-NBA, 1x Scoring champ, Hall of Fame

Teammates: Karl Malone, Walt Frazier

Pistol Pete was probably the most electrifying player in the NBA before Bird, Magic, and Jordan took over in the ’80s.

Pick 78: Chicago Bulls (John): Sam Jones

Stats: 10x NBA Champion, 5x All-Star, 3x All-NBA, Hall of Fame

Teammates: Jerry West, Bob Cousy

Forgive us Bill Simmons for Sam Jones falling all the way to 78.

Pick 79: Toronto Raptors (Phil): Bob Lanier

Stats: 8x All-Star, Hall of Fame

Teammates: Kevin Garnett, Ray Allen

A frontcourt of Lanier and Kevin Garnett should scare the shit out of every team thats not the big beer Mavericks.

Pick 80: Brooklyn Nets (John): David Thompson

Stats: 4x NBA All-Star (1x ABA), 2x All-NBA (1x All-ABA), 1975-76 ABA ROY, Hall of Fame

Teammates: David Robinson, John Stockton

This man is going to die in Brooklyn. Thankfully David Robinson and John Stockton are the two most boring players of the last 30 years and will hopefully save his life.

Pick 81: Sacramento Kings (Phil): Artis Gilmore

Stats: 1x ABA Champion, 1x ABA MVP, 6x NBA All-Star (5x ABA), 5x All-ABA, 5x All-Defensive, 1971-72 ABA ROY, Hall of Fame

Teammates: Dirk Nowitzki, Jason Kidd

With his hair he was probably 7’8″.

Pick 82: Los Angeles Clippers (John): Hal Greer

Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 10x All-Star, 7x All-NBA, Hall of Fame

Teammates: Elgin Baylor, George Mikan

No offense to Hal Greer, but he might be the first player taken where even some real NBA fans are like “Who is Hal Greer”.

Pick 83: Portland Trail Blazers (Phil): Nate “Tiny” Archibald

Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 6x All-Star, 5x All-NBA, 1x Scoring Champ, Hall of Fame

Teammates: Charles Barkley, Bill Walton

The best point guard that nobody ever brings up in the best point guard conversation.

Pick 84: Atlanta Hawks (John): Chris Webber

Stats: 5x All-Star, 5x All-NBA, 1993-94 ROY, Hall of Fame

Teammates: Dwyane Wade, Anthony Davis

Chris Webber makes this arguably the sexiest team so far, but I’m not sure he makes it any better.

Pick 85: Oklahoma City Thunder (Phil): Derrick Rose

Stats: 1x NBA MVP, 3x All-Star, 1x All-NBA, 2008-09 ROY

Teammates: John Havlicek, Bob Pettit

I would give all of my crypto to see 2011 Derrick Rose go back in time to 1963 and see Havlicek and Pettit’s reactions.

Pick 86: Orlando Magic (John): Carmelo Anthony

Stats: 10x All-Star, 6x All-NBA, 1x Scoring Champ

Teammates: Allen Iverson, James Harden

The Ringer’s Kevin Clark is going to have the time of his life with this team for about 12 games, then he’s going to ride the tea cups at Disney World until he looses consciousness.

Pick 87: Los Angeles Lakers (Phil): Kyrie Irving

Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 7x All-Star, 3x All-NBA, 2011-12 ROY

Teammates: Kawhi Leonard, Kevin McHale

Kyrie in LA is somehow going to be more insufferable than in Brooklyn.

Pick 88: New Orleans Pelicans (John): Nate Thurmond

Stats: 7x All-Star, 5x All-Defensive, Hall of Fame

Teammates: Isiah Thomas, Scottie Pippen

Nate is going to have to crack some skulls from day one.

Pick 89: New York Knicks (Phil): Klay Thompson

Stats: 3x NBA Champion, 5x All-Star, 2x All-NBA, 1x All-Defensive

Teammates: Giannis Antetokounmpo, Steve Nash

The new Splash Brothers and Giannis are going to get Knicks fans’ hopes up so high they’re gonna be devastated when they inevitably crash out of the playoffs in crushing fashion.

Pick 90: San Antonio Spurs (John): Chris Mullin

Stats: 5x All-Star, 4x All-NBA, Hall of Fame

Teammates: Chris Paul, Patrick Ewing

One-third of Run TMC with Golden state in the early ’90s now becomes the third wheel with two of the best losers of all time.

Round 4: The Drop-off

Pick 91: San Antonio Spurs (John): Amar’e Stoudemire

Stats: 6x All-Star, 5x All-NBA, 2002-03 ROY

Teammates: Chris Paul, Patrick Ewing, Chris Mullin

Just another addition to the “none of these guys have won shit” team.

Pick 92: New York Knicks (Phil): Paul George

Stats: 7x All-Star, 6x All-NBA, 4x All-Defensive

Teammates: Giannis Antetokounmpo, Steve Nash, Klay Thompson

Current NBA fans forget that Pre-Pandemic P was the closest thing to LeBron that we’ve seen in the NBA since he entered the league.

Pick 93: New Orleans Pelicans (John): Joe Dumars

Stats: 2x NBA Champion, 1x Finals MVP, 6x All-Star, 3x All-NBA, 5x All-Defensive, Hall of Fame

Teammates: Isiah Thomas, Scottie Pippen, Nate Thurmond

Scottie Pippen might be fucked.

Pick 94: Los Angeles Lakers (Phil): Sidney Moncrief

Stats: 5x All-Star, 5x All-NBA, 5x All-Defensive, 2x DPOY, Hall of Fame

Teammates: Kawhi Leonard, Kevin McHale, Kyrie Irving

Sidney Moncrief had a five year run from 1981-82 through 1985-86 where he was named an All-Star, All-NBA, and All-Defensive player every season. He’s the ’80s version of Kawhi Leonard.

Pick 95: Orlando Magic (John): Dave DeBusschere

Stats: 2x NBA Champion, 8x All-Star, 1x All-NBA, 6x All-Defensive, Hall 0f Fame

Teammates: Allen Iverson, James Harden, Carmelo Anthony

Finally, someone who isn’t a score-first ball dominant headcase.

Pick 96: Oklahoma City Thunder (Phil): Bill Sharman

Stats: 4x NBA Champion, 8x All-Star, 7x All-NBA, Hall of Fame

Teammates: John Havlicek, Bob Pettit, Derrick Rose

This just makes the Derrick Rose pick that much better dropping him on a team of ’50s and 60’s All-Stars.

Pick 97: Atlanta Hawks (John): Chauncey Billups

Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 1x Finals MVP, 5x All-Star, 3x All-NBA, 2x All-Defensive

Teammates: Dwyane Wade, Anthony Davis, Chris Webber

Mr. Big Shot and Dwyane Wade is a big time backcourt that knows how to win and pairs with the uber talented frontcourt of Davis and Webber well.

Pick 98: Portland Trail Blazers (Phil): Dolph Schayes

Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 12x All-Star, 12x All-NBA, Hall of Fame

Teammates: Charles Barkley, Bill Walton, Tiny Archibald

Probably good to go by Dolph when your name is Adolph and you made your NBA debut in 1949.

Pick 99: Los Angeles Clippers (John): Jerry Lucas

Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 7x All-Star, 5x All-NBA, 1963-64 ROY, Hall of Fame

Teammates: Elgin Baylor, George Mikan, Hal Greer

This old timers team kinda kicks ass.

Pick 100: Sacramento Kings (Phil): Mitch Richmond

Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 6x All-Star, 5x All-NBA, 1988-89 ROY, Hall of Fame

Teammates: Dirk Nowitzki, Jason Kidd, Artis Gilmore

Mitch Richmond makes his long awaited return to the Kings to remind fans that he impacts winning 0% of the time.

Pick 101: Brooklyn Nets (John): Connie Hawkins

Stats: 1x ABA Champion, 1x ABA MVP, 4x NBA all-Star (1x ABA), 1x All-NBA (2x All-ABA), Hall of Fame

Teammates: David Robinson, John Stockton, David Thompson

Possibly the greatest basketball player of his era who got blackballed by the NBA until he was past his prime.

Pick 102: Toronto Raptors (Phil): Tim Hardaway Sr.

Stats: 5x All-Star, 5x All-NBA

Teammates: Kevin Garnett, Ray Allen, Bob Lanier

Tim Hardaway and Kevin Garnett might be more exciting than Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen.

Pick 103: Chicago Bulls (John): Walt Bellamy

Stats: 4x All-Star, 1961-62 ROY, Hall of Fame

Teammates: Jerry West, Bob Cousy, Sam Jones

Gives the small core some much-needed big beef.

Pick 104: Cleveland Cavaliers (Phil): Nikola Jokic

Stats: 1x NBA MVP, 3x All-Star, 3x All-NBA

Teammates: Karl Malone, Walt Frazier, Pete Maravich

The reigning MVP adds a versatile point-center to pair with scoring machine Karl Malone in the frontcourt. Jokic, Frazier, and Maravich can all initiate the offense and create one of the most intriguing lineups so far.

Pick 105: Dallas Mavericks (John): Joel Embiid

Stats: 4x All-Star, 3x All-NBA, 3x All-Defensive

Teammates: Moses Malone, Elvin Hayes, Adrian Dantley

This team will grab every rebound that’s ever been available in the history of organized sports.

Pick 106: Golden State Warriors (Phil): Tom Heinsohn

Stats: 8x NBA Champion, 6x All-Star, 4x All-NBA, 1956-57 ROY, Hall of Fame

Teammates: Steph Curry, Rick Barry, Dwight Howard

A swiss army knife that will help fans forget about the grade A assholes that populate the roster.

Pick 107: Memphis Grizzlies (John): Blake Griffin

Stats: 6x All-Star, 5x All-NBA, 2010-11 ROY

Teammates: Julius Erving, Reggie Miller, Pau Gasol

Memphis just became the real lob city.

Pick 108: Washington Wizards (Phil): Chris Bosh

Stats: 2x NBA Champion, 11x All-Star, 1x All-NBA, Hall of Fame

Teammates: Oscar Robertson, George Gervin, Wes Unseld

Bosh was the third-wheel for two Heat Championships and might be the perfect fourth-wheel in Washington alongside beefy Wes Unseld.

Pick 109: Detroit Pistons (John): Kyle Lowry

Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 6x All-Star, 1x All-NBA

Teammates: Kevin Durant, Willis Reed, Luka Doncic

Lowry brings some added toughness to the backcourt and can take some ball-handling pressure off Luka Doncic.

Pick 110: Boston Celtics (Phil): Penny Hardaway

Stats: 4x All-Star, 3x All-NBA

Teammates: Kobe Bryant, Dominique Wilkins, Dikembe Mutombo

For the first time in history the Celtics might be the sexiest tam in the league. Penny, Kobe, Dominique, and Dikembe make this the leader for League Pass team of the year.

Pick 111: Houston Rockets (John): Lenny Wilkens

Stats: 9x All-Star, Hall of Fame

Teammates: Tim Duncan, Tracy McGrady, Grant Hill

Between playing and coaching, Lenny Wilkens may have done more for the NBA than almost any other person.

Pick 112: Philadelphia 76ers (Phil): Kevin Johnson

Stats: 3x All-Star, 5x All-NBA

Teammates: Shaquille O’Neal, Paul Pierce, Manu Ginobili

The former mayor of Sacramento will need to bring his political savvy to keep this weird hodgepodge of players happy in Philly.

Pick 113: Minnesota Timberwolves (John): Shawn Kemp

Stats: 6x All-Star, 3x All-NBA

Teammates: Hakeem Olajuwon, Gary Payton, Alex English

Reunites the ’96 Sonics dup that took Jordan’s 72-win Bulls to six games in the 1996 NBA Finals. The Wolves are finally back with one of the best first four picks in draft history.

Pick 114: Phoenix Suns (Phil): Joe Johnson

Stats: 7x All-Star, 1x All-NBA

Teammates: Larry Bird, Russell Westbrook, Dave Cowens

This is the official beginning of the “we don’t know what we’re doing” section of the draft.

Pick 115: Milwaukee Bucks (John): Dave Bing

Stats: 7x All-Star, 3x All-NBA, 1966-67 ROY, 1x Scoring Champ, Hall of Fame

Teammates: Wilt Chamberlain, Clyde Drexler, Dennis Rodman

Just has to get the ball to Wilt and stay far away from Rodman for this to work.

Pick 116: Charlotte Hornets (Phil): Yao Ming

Stats: 8x All-Star, 5x All-NBA, Hall of Fame

Teammates: Bill Russell, James Worthy, Tony Parker

Not sure if Yao is the perfect center to put next to Bill Russell or this is a horrible idea, but this frontline will get the people talking and made Charlotte the de facto most popular team worldwide.

Pick 117: Utah Jazz (John): Kevin Love

Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 5x All-Star, 2x All-NBA

Teammates: Magic Johnson, Bob McAdoo, Bernard King

Magic will love a big who can shoot threes who can also get him an in with the Beach Boys.

Pick 118: Denver Nuggets (Phil): Dan Issel

Stats: 1x ABA Champion, 1x NBA All-Star (6x ABA), 5x All-ABA, 1970-71 ABA ROY, Hall of Fame

Teammates: LeBron James, Alonzo Mourning, Earl Monroe

Scoring center who did most of his damage in the ABA should be an interesting fit next to Alonzo Mourning.

Pick 119: Miami Heat (John): Shawn Marion

Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 4x All-Star, 2x All-NBA

Teammates: Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Dennis Johnson, Vince Carter

The Matrix gives the Heat an all-around presence who might have the wonkiest shooting motion of any borderline hall of famer.

Pick 120: Indiana Pacers (Phil): Bob Dandridge

Stats: 2x NBA Champion, 4x All-Star, 1x All-NBA, 1x All-Defensive, Hall of Fame

Teammates: Michael Jordan, Robert Parish, Damian Lillard

A two-time champ who can be MJ’s new poor-man’s Scottie Pippen.

All-Time NBA Mega-Draft: Rounds One and Two

Who doesn’t love a good draft?

Draft beer, the NBA Draft, the movie Draft Day, conscription; ok maybe not the last one, but drafts (for the most part) are fun. Everyone has a good time, the people getting drafted (again non-military) get to usually fulfill a lifelong dream while the people drafting are having fun, joy, and merriment (or going fast if you’re racing). In sports the draft is the beginning of a career and the best way to make you team better. In everyday life, people use drafts all of the time. Friends get together for a fantasy football draft, podcasters may have a friendly movie draft, or parents have a kid draft (you don’t want to be last in that one), but for the most part these hypothetical “just for fun” drafts are short and unfinished. Let’s change that.

Most previous All time NBA lists or drafts are capped at 100 players. “The top 100 players in NBA history”, “Re-drafting the first round of the 1984 NBA Draft”, “one player every team should draft”, and so on. It’s usually a fun exercise but I’m usually left wanting more. who is the 121st best player ever? So we decided to take all 30 current NBA teams and using a snake-draft format, draft a full 15-man roster for each team. If you can do math at home that’s 450 players in total plus a head coach for each franchise. If your immediate reaction is ” I can’t even think of 450 NBA players”, well neither can I so that’s not an excuse to sit this one out.

This whole exercise started out as a podcast which you can listen to here for even more expert analysis and insight on each pick. The reason this also turned into a blog is because I thought it would be easier for the listeners to keep track of all of the picks if I write them down because god knows we could hardly keep track of them ourselves.

The rules of the game were fairly simple. We took all 30 current NBA franchises and put them into a randomizer to get the draft order. We flipped a coin to see who would get the first pick (me) and then alternated teams between the two of us. When it came to drafting players there were no rules. If you wanted to take Stephon Marbury first, then you’re an idiot and kind of ruined the project, but no one is going to stop you. You could construct a team anyway you saw fit. All-point guards, only Europeans, every player from the 1992 Timberwolves, whatever you wanted to do was legal. Like the purge but for NBA nerds.

Without further ado, here are rounds 1-2 of the All-Time NBA Mega-Draft. (Don’t @ me if your favorite players are eight spots lower than where you would have taken them in your 450 person hypothetical draft.)

Round 1: The Building Blocks

Pick 1: Indiana Pacers (Phil): Michael Jordan

Stats: 6x NBA Champion, 5x NBA MVP, 6x Finals MVP, 14x All-Star, 11x All-NBA, 9x All-Defensive, 1x DPOY, 10x Scoring Champ, 1984-85 ROY, Hall of Fame

An absolute no-brainer of a first overall pick. MJ is quite clearly the greatest basketball player of all time and sadly still has the best Space Jam movie ever made. The GOAT could take a team of high school players and probably make the playoffs against the rest of the mega-draft field. It makes me happy that the Pacers got him, because they fucking hate him.

Pick 2: Miami Heat (John): Kareem Abdul-Jabbar

Stats: 6x NBA Champion, 6x NBA MVP, 2x Finals MVP, 19x All-Star, 15x All-NBA, 11x All-Defensive, All-Time Leading Scorer, 2x Scoring Champ, 1969-70 ROY, Hall of Fame

LeBron fans are coming for John for denying a Heatles reunion and allowing him to fall past the second pick but Kareem is arguably the best big man ever and at any point between 1946 and 2015 would be the slam dunk player you wan to build your team around. Unfortunately for him it is 2021 and we’ve finally figured out that versatile wings are the most valuable players in the game. Kareem does have one thing going for him, he’s a better actor and MJ and LeBron.

Pick 3: Denver Nuggets (Phil): LeBron James

Stats: 4x NBA Champion, 4x NBA MVP, 4x Finals MVP, 17x All-Star, 17x All-NBA, 6x All-Defensive, 2003-04 ROY, 1x Scoring Champ

A gift from the dumbass gods, somehow LeBron falls to the Nuggets with the third pick. Some will argue that he should have been the obvious number one pick (those people are wrong), but LeBron is clearly the best player we’ve seen since Jordan (and the worst actor). He’ll somehow get knocked in this exercise for building a super team, but that’s kind of the point.

Pick 4: Utah Jazz (John): Magic Johnson

Stats: 5x NBA Champion, 3x NBA MVP, 3x Finals MVP, 12x All-Star, 10x All-NBA, Hall of Fame

Magic Johnson is going to fucking hate Salt Lake City. I give it about 16 games before he requests a trade to the Lakers or the Heat. His twitter handle will be a must follow during the season for all the obvious stuff he’s going to “notice” while he’s there. @MagicJohnson: Wow, sure is cold in Salt Lake City in February. @MagicJohnson: Awful lot of white people around me. @MagicJohnson (channeling his inner Eric Bledsoe): I don’t want to be here. He’ll still probably turn it into a party city.

Pick 5: Charlotte Hornets (Phil): Bill Russell

Stats: 11x NBA Champion, 5x NBA MVP, 12x All-Star, 11x All-NBA, 1x All-Defensive, Hall of Fame

Russell his going to bring his 11 rings to Charlotte and a franchise that doesn’t have a lot of experience winning. The best defensive player in NBA history is the perfect anchor for this smaller market team, and Russell will be a big part of the community as well. The perfect value/character pick at number five.

Pick 6: Milwaukee Bucks (John): Wilt Chamberlain

Stats: 2x NBA Champion, 4x MVP, 1x Finals MVP, 13x All-Star, 10x All-NBA, 2x All-Defensive, All-Time Leader in Rebounds, 1959-60 ROY, 7x Scoring Champ, Hall of Fame

Is it possible to have sex with every person in a city, because Wilt is definitely going to try it in Milwaukee bringing new meaning to the Cream City nickname. Wilt’s individual stats are legendary, but I’m worried how he’ll fair going up against the best of the best every night. Bill Russell owned him during their careers and Wilt never had anyone to match his height and athleticism. Now in a league with the likes of Shaq, David Robinson, and Giannis, it will be interesting to see how he holds up.

Pick 7: Phoenix Suns (Phil): Larry Bird

Stats: 3x NBA Champion, 3x NBA MVP, 2x Finals MVP, 12x All-Star, 10x All-NBA, 3x All-Defensive, 1979-80 Roy, Hall of Fame

The desert air will do wonders for Larry Legend’s back issues so Phoenix is the perfect landing spot for the three-time champ. The hick from French Lick can turn his good ole’ Midwestern persona into a modern day Wild West cowboy. Like Val Kilmer in Tombstone, Bird has a chance to walk around town spouting non sequiturs, calling people a daisy, and shooting the shit out of everyone he sees.

Pick 8: Minnesota Timberwolves (John): Hakeem Olajuwon

Stats: 2x NBA Champion, 1x NBA MVP, 2x Finals MVP, 12x All-Star, 12x All-NBA, 9x All-Defensive, 2x DPOY, Hall of Fame

What better way to replace Kevin Garnett in Minnesota than a wholesale upgrade to Hakeem Olajuwon. The Dream is one of the most well-rounded players in the history of the NBA. He’s one of the best defensive players to ever do it, a two-time Defensive Player of the Year, and he had an array of post moves and made David Robinson his bitch in the 1995 Western Conference Finals. He’s the perfect player to build around and should give Wolves fans hope that John didn’t totally blow it for them already.

Pick 9: Philadelphia 76ers (Phil): Shaquille O’Neal

Stats: 4x NBA Champion, 1x NBA MVP, 3x Finals MVP, 15x All-Star, 14x All-NBA, 3x All-Defensive, 1992-93 ROY, 2x Scoring Champ, Hall of Fame

Uh oh, 76ers fans just turned on Ben Simmons for missing a shit ton of free throws in the playoffs, and here comes Shaq, a career 52.7 percent free throw shooter that drops to 50.4 percent in the playoffs. Hack-a-Shaq will be in full force in Philly, but who the hell cares he’s the most physically dominant player of the last 40 years. Shaq can bully any other center in the paint whether he’s in shape or not (lay off the cheesesteaks perhaps) and is a slam dunk pick at 9.

Pick 10: Houston Rockets (John): Tim Duncan

Stats: 5x NBA Champion, 2x NBA MVP, 3x Finals MVP, 15x All-Star, 15x All-NBA, 15x All-Defensive, 1997-98 ROY, Hall of Fame

Rounding out the top ten is the big fundamental himself Tim Duncan. TD presided over a dynasty in San Antonio, winning five championships from 1999 to 2014. He might not be the flashiest player ever, but Duncan got the job done and is arguably the greatest teammate since Bill Russell. He’s a steal with the tenth pick as any team built around Duncan will compete for a title for the next 15 years.

Pick 11: Boston Celtics (Phil): Kobe Bryant

Stats: 5x NBA Champion, 1x NBA MVP, 2x Finals MVP, 18x All-Star, 15x All-NBA, 12x All-Defensive, 2x Scoring Champ, Hall of Fame

I may never be able to show my face in Boston after taking Kobe Bryant with the 11th pick. Kobe might be on the Mount Rushmore of most hated players in Boston sports history. He beat the Celtics in 2010 to secure the fifth championship in his illustrious career. If the Celtics can get over the fact that he’s a lifetime Laker, they’ll instantly fall in love with his tenacity and drive to win, but it’s going to be hard to win over the Boston fans who love grit and grind stars like Dave Cowens and Kevin McHale above the flash and celebrity that Kobe brought back to the Lakers.

Pick 12: Detroit Pistons (John): Kevin Durant

Stats: 2x NBA Champion, 1x NBA MVP, 2x Finals MVP, 11x All-Star, 9x All-NBA, 4x Scoring Champ, 2007-08 ROY

Detroit and Durant seem like a perfect fit. Everyone hated the Bad Boy Pistons in the ’80s, and everyone kind of hates KD today. He seems to be a natural shit stirrer a la Isiah Thomas back in the day. This exercise is tailor made for Durant, he gets to play with other all-time greats and build a super team and if people don’t like it, who cares because it’s not real. But mega-draft Twitter is real and KD will be the villain from day one.

Pick 13: Washington Wizards (Phil): Oscar Robertson

Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 1x NBA MVP, 12x All-Star, 11x All-NBA, 1960-61 ROY, Hall of Fame

It’s interesting that Washington just got rid of the new king of the triple double in Russell Westbrook and are bringing in the original triple double king in Oscar Robertson. The Big O averaged 30.4 points, 10 rebounds, and 10.7 assists per game over the first six seasons of his career. He didn’t win a championship until 1971 when he finally teamed up with Kareem, but Oscar is the ultimate Swiss Army Knife and the perfect point guard to build around.

Pick 14: Memphis Grizzlies (John): Julius Erving

Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 2x ABA Champion, 1x NBA MVP, 3x ABA MVP, 11x NBA All-Star (5x ABA), 7x All-NBA, 5x All-ABA, Hall of Fame

Memphis seems to be a small market that is actually built for Dr. J. He refused to go to Milwaukee in 1972, but Memphis is a bit cooler, jazzier than Memphis which fits the mythos surrounding Julius Erving. Arguably the sexiest player that ever lived both on and off the court, and will bring his fluid above the rim style of play to Tennessee, the Grit and Grind Grizzlies they are not. This will be the early favorite for the League Pass team of the year.

Pick 15: Golden State Warriors (Phil): Steph Curry

Stats: 3x NBA Champion, 2x NBA MVP, 7x All-Star, 7x All-NBA, 2x Scoring Champ

Had to do it. Steph Curry is Mr. Bay Area, they love him there. We’re going to sell a million jerseys and this is the first team that is prioritizing three-point shooting. Curry is the greatest shooter in history and will drag out old guards to the tree-point line and make them pick him up as soon as he crosses mid-court. Bob Cousy, Isiah Thomas, John Stockton and others are going to have a hell of a time chasing him all around the court for 48 minutes.

Pick 16: Dallas Mavericks (John): Moses Malone

Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 3x NBA MVP, 1x Finals MVP, 12x NBA All-Star (1x ABA), 8x All-NBA, 2x All-Defensive, Hall of Fame

Moses brings the big beef to Dallas as the fifth best rebounder ever. A three-time MVP, Malone finally took the 76ers over the hump when he was traded to Philly in 1982 and led them to the 1983 title. He doesn’t have much of a mid-range game, but can hold his own in the paint against bigger centers like Shaq and Wilt. Moses might be the most underrated and forgotten about inner-circle Hall of Famers and getting him at 16 is an absolute steal.

Pick 17: Cleveland Cavaliers (Phil): Karl Malone

Stats: 2x NBA MVP, 14x All-Star, 14x All-NBA, 4x All-Defensive, Hall of Fame

After just missing out on Moses, the Cavs have to settle for the other Malone, Karl. The Mailman was no slouch scoring 36,928 points in his career, second all time to Kareem. He teamed up with John Stockton to make two-straight NBA Finals in 1997 and 1998. Unfortunately, they ran into the Jordan Bulls buzzsaw and never got over the hump. Malone will need a good running mate, but can lead his team deep into the playoffs.

Pick 18: Chicago Bulls (John): Jerry West

Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 1x Finals MVP, 14x All-Star, 12x All-NBA, 5x All-Defensive, 1x Scoring Champ, Hall of Fame

Jerry West was so good he once won Finals MVP in 1969 for the losing team. The fucking Logo was a next level scorer who could have scored 40 points per game if there was a three-point line in the ’60s. West made the All-Star team ever year of his career and was every bit the face of the league as Russell, Wilt, Oscar, and Elgin Baylor were. The Bulls won’t get their beloved Michael Jordan, but they get the original great two-way scoring guard in Jerry West.

Pick 19: Toronto Raptors (Phil): Kevin Garnett

Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 1x NBA MVP, 15x All-Star, 9x All-NBA, 12x All-Defensive, 1x DPOY, Hall of Fame

Kevin Garnett is an absolute psycho and my favorite athlete ever, so I had to take him in the top-20 and give him to the Raptors. It kind of mirrors real life when he was drafted by the Timberwolves in 1995. Toronto is a newer franchise with little history in its side other than the Kawhi championship in 2019. Now, Garnett has a chance to go to a lesser franchise once again and become the face of sports in the city and bring his tenacity to build a winner in the frozen tundra. KG might be the most versatile player in the last 25 years. A 6’11” center with guard handles who can knock down mid-range shots in his sleep and step out to three all while being one of the greatest defenders of his era. The man almost took 34-year-old Sam Cassell and Latrell Sprewell to a championship. If he can do that, he can win in Toronto with anyone.

Pick 20: Brooklyn Nets (John): David Robinson

Stats: 2x NBA Champion, 1x NBA MVP, 10x All-Star, 10x All-NBA, 8x All-Defensive, 1x DPOY, 1989-90 ROY, 1x Scoring Champ, Hall of Fame

The Admiral better hope The Wolves are eliminated so he doesn’t have to see Olajuwon again in the playoffs, because we all know how that goes. Other than being Hakeem’s bitch, Robinson was one of the most physically gifted centers ever. A chiseled 7’1″ Adonis, Robinson was a dominant scorer before Duncan got there as well as a shut down defensive center. He’s a good building block but the nets will need to pair him with another all-time great in order to compete in the East.

Pick 21: Sacramento Kings (Phil): Dirk Nowitzki

Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 1x NBA MVP, 1x Finals MVP, 14x All-Star, 12x All-NBA

Dirk was a one-man wrecking crew when he led the Mavericks to a title in 2011. He can do it all on offese. The best shooting big-man ever (not counting Karl-Anthony Towns yet) he patented the one leg fade away that became so lethal. He’s proven he can win a championship on his own, and he might need to do it again in Sacramento.

Pick 22: Los Angeles Clippers (John): Elgin Baylor

Stats: 11x All-Star, 10x All-NBA, 1958-59 ROY, Hall of Fame

Baylor is the first player to really normalize playing above the rim. At 6’5″, 225-pounds, Baylor was a physical freak for the ’60s and no one could stop him from scoring at the rim. He averaged 27.4 points and 13.5 rebounds per game in his career as a small forward, and famously went 0-7 in NBA finals. He retired after nine games in the 1971-72 season in which the Lakers went on the win the championship. It’s fitting he goes to the Clippers, because he absolutely destroyed the franchise as their executive from 1986-2008. Let him play, but dear god don’t let him anywhere near the draft.

Pick 23: Portland Trail Blazers (Phil): Charles Barkley

Stats: 1x NBA MVP, 11x All-Star, 11x All-NBA, Hall of Fame

Charles Barkley is bringing on a new era of the Jail Blazers and it will be spectacular. He is not a role model, but he’s going to be the face of Portland and the driving force to keep Portland weird. Barkley is arguably the best player ever to never win a championship thanks in large part to Michael Jordan, but he’s got a real shot to advance far in Portland, just keep him off the golf course and out of the casinos.

Pick 24: Atlanta Hawks (John): Dwyane Wade

Stats: 3x NBA Champion, 1x Finals MVP, 13x All-Star, 8x All-NBA, 3x All-Defensive, 1x Scoring Champ

Most people nowadays remember D-Wade as Robin to LeBron’s Batman, the sidekick of the Heatles super team that won two titles and went to four-straight finals. We forget that young D-Wade put the Heat on his back and willed them to a championship in 2006. Yea he had Shaq, but Wade put in a finals for the ages and is a bonafide winner. The Hawks might be a dark horse, but don’w count out any team led by Flash.

Pick 25: Oklahoma City Thunder (Phil): John Havlicek

Stats: 8x NBA Champion, 1x Finals MVP, 13x All-Star, 11x All-NBA, 8x All-Defensive, Hall of Fame

Most of the seven people who actually read this are probably wondering the same thing, who the heck is John Havlicek? Bill Simmons is probably furious that Hondo didn’t go inside the top 15. Havlicek was one of the most well-rounded players of his time. A teammate of Bill Russell’s on the ’60s Celtics, Havlicek won eight championships. It might be a tough ask to have him be the face of a franchise, but Hondo is undoubtedly one of the greatest team players in NBA history.

Pick 26: Orlando Magic (John): Allen Iverson

Stats: 1x NBA MVP, 11x All-Star, 7x All-NBA, 4x Scoring Champ, 1996-97 ROY, Hall of Fame

Holy shit Allen Iverson at 26 is easily the reach of the draft so far. AI is a legend, don’t get me wrong, but are you really trying to build a team around him? I understand that he dragged Theo Ratlif and Eric Snow to the finals, but he didn’t do a ton of winning outside of that one MVP season. Hopefully John has a plan and surrounds Iverson with responsible teammates.

Pick 27: Los Angeles Lakers (Phil): Kawhi Leonard

Stats: 2x NBA Champion, 2x Finals MVP, 5x All-Star, 5x All-NBA, 7x All-Defensive, 2x DPOY

Kawhi is on pace to have the wonkiest resume of any top 30 players in the NBA. He was the 15th pick in 2011, slowly improved year-by-year to become a two-time Defensive Player of the Year and the 2014 Finals MVP with the Spurs. Then he sat out for almost a year while clashing with the Spurs staff about his foot injury. Then he got traded to Toronto, led them to a championship, and left after one season for the Clippers of all franchises. Now he has a chance to win three championships and three finals MVP’s with three different franchises. Only LeBron James has done that. A weird career for fun guy Kawhi.

Pick 28: New Orleans Pelicans (John): Isiah Thomas

Stats: 2x NBA Champion, 1x Finals MVP, 12x All-Star, 5x All-NBA, Hall of Fame

Dude’s probably reading this like “I met the qualifications to be drafted in the top 20, but they didn’t pick me.” Zeke is a top-five point guard ever, a good scorer and even better playmaker who can lead a team to the promised land as he did in back-to-back seasons with the Bad Boys. He just seems to rub people the wrong way and MJ will probably make it his personal mission to make sure Thomas doesn’t sniff the playoffs with the Pelicans.

Pick 29: New York Knicks (Phil): Giannis Antetokounmpo

Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 2x NBA MVP, 1x Finals MVP, 5x All-Star, 5x All-NBA, 4x All-Defensive, 1x DPOY

This pick is looking a lot better now that Giannis is a champion. He’s a modern day Shaq who can physically dominate the competition in the paint. Giannis has taken it to the next level and can handle the ball and drive to the basket. He’s a three-point shot away from becoming the greatest offensive weapon in history. Knicks fans are going to love him, I hope they have Chick-fil-A in NYC.

Pick 30: San Antonio Spurs (John): Chris Paul

Stats: 11x All-Star, 10x All-NBA, 9x All-Defensive, 2005-06 ROY

Again, this pick looks a lot better now that CP3 finally made the finals for the first time in his 16-year career. Paul might be a bitch of a teammate, but is arguably the best two-way point guard of the modern era. He should be a perfect fit for the Spurs way of life, and a solid pick to finish off round one of the mega-draft.

Round 2: The Quickening

Pick 31: San Antonio Spurs (John): Patrick Ewing

Stats: 11x All-Star, 7x All-NBA, 3x All-Defensive, 1985-86 ROY, Hall of Fame

Teammates: Chris Paul

Patrick Ewing is the ultimate “almost but not quite there” superstars in the NBA. He led the Knicks to the finals twice only to be thwarted by Hakeem’s Rockets in 1994 and injured against Duncan’s Spurs in the lockout-shortened 1999 season. It only fits all too well that he’s paired with Chris Paul, the other premier player in the last 25 years who has gotten so close but never won a championship. they should trade for Barkley.

Pick 32: New York Knicks (Phil): Steve Nash

Stats: 2x NBA MVP, 8x All-Star, 7x All-NBA, Hall of Fame

Teammates: Giannis Antetokounmpo

Steve Nash was one Robert Horry hip check away from a finals appearance in 2007, and never got another chance at a championship. He transformed Amar’e Stoudemire into an All-Pro player and would do wonders with Giannis catching lobs and running the pick-and-roll. The Knicks are back!

Pick 33: New Orleans Pelicans (John): Scottie Pippen

Stats: 6x NBA Champion, 7x All-Star, 7x All-NBA, 10x All-Defensive, Hall of Fame

Teammates: (Checks notes) Isiah Thomas

Who the fuck is putting Scottie Pippen on the same team as Isiah Thomas? Zeke is probably sitting in his mansion thinking that this is a betrayal on levels that no one has ever seen! There are going to be nightly brawls in the locker room. I know every hates IT, but Scottie Pippen mega hates IT and is not afraid to remind everyone.

Pick 34: Los Angeles Lakers (Phil): Kevin McHale

Stats: 3x NBA Champion, 7x All-Star, 1x All-NBA, 6x All-Defensive, Hall of Fame

Teammates: Kawhi Leonard

Now this is a team I can get behind. Kawhi can initiate the offense and create his own shot and Kevin McHale can do a lot of the dirty work down low. He’s one of the best post scorers we’ve seen and can hold his own alongside Kawhi on the defensive end. Very few holes in this team early on.

Pick 35: Orlando Magic (John): James Harden

Stats: 1x NBA MVP, 9x All-Star, 7x All-NBA, 3x Scoring Champ

Teammates: Allen Iverson

Remember when I said AI was a bad pick unless you surround him with responsible teammates? Yea, James Harden isn’t that kind of teammate, he’s basically beef stew Iverson with a beard. This team will never practice, never play defense, probably get on each other’s nerves, but this is the number one pick of strip clubs everywhere. I don’t know what the club scene is like in Orlando, but they’re about to make a lot of money.

Pick 36: Oklahoma City Thunder (Phil): Bob Pettit

Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 2x NBA MVP, 11x All-Star, 11x All-NBA, 1954-55 ROY, 2x Scoring Champ, Hall of Fame

Teammates: John Havlicek

This team would win 19 championships if it was 1966. Alas, it’s 2021 so Hondo and Bullet Bob’s achievements have wasted away like those people on an M. Night Shymalan beach, but they’re two of the greatest to ever do it. Pettit made an All-NBA team every year of his career.

Pick 37: Atlanta Hawks (John): Anthony Davis

Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 8x All-Star, 4x All-NBA, 4x All-Defensive

Teammates: Dwyane Wade

John finally got his head out of his ass and made a good pick in the second round. AD is the perfect big to play alongside D-Wade. He dominated the Heat on his way to a championship with the Lakers and LeBron James in the bubble, and will form a formidable two-way duo with Wade.

Pick 38: Portland Trail Blazers (Phil): Bill Walton

Stats: 2x NBA Champion, 1x NBA MVP, 1x Finals MVP, 2x All-Star, 2x All-NBA, 2x All-Defensive, Hall of Fame

Teammates: Charles Barkley

The prodigal son returns 44 years after leading the Blazers to a championship in 1977. A foot injury wreck Walton’s career, but the biggest Dead Head on national television was one of the best centers in history during his short prime. He’s so high right now he probably thinks it’s still 1978, and is definitely going to keep Portland weird.

Pick 39: Los Angeles Clippers (John): George Mikan

Stats: 5x BAA/NBA Champion, 4x All-Star, 6x All-BAA/NBA, 3x Scoring Champ, Hall of Fame

Teammates: Elgin Baylor

Teaming the original GOAT with Elgin Baylor would be unstoppable in 1956. Mikan might have trouble matching up against the likes up Wilt and Shaq, but his fundamentals are unmatched and will bring a winning quality to this throwback team.

Pick 40: Sacramento Kings (Phil): Jason Kidd

Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 10x All-Star, 6x All-NBA, 9x All-Defensive, 1994-95 ROY, Hall of Fame

Teammates: Dirk Nowitzki

Jason Kidd won a championship with Dirk in 2011 so why not run it back. Kidd was one of the most versatile point guards in league history and will be the exact opposite of what the Kings have gotten used to over the last two decades. We’ll have to make sure he isn’t allowed to drink soda on the sidelines though.

Pick 41: Brooklyn Nets (John): John Stockton

Stats: 10x All-Star, 11x All-NBA, 5x All-Defensive, All-Time Leader in Assists, Hall of Fame

Teammates: David Robinson

This will be the least vaxxed team in the league. John Stockton was part of one of the most dynamic duos in the ’90s with Karl Malone, and has formed another dynamic duo post career teaming up with conspiracy theories. Stockton will not have many fans in Brooklyn.

Pick 42: Toronto Raptors (Phil): Ray Allen

Stats: 2x NBA Champion, 10x All-Star, 2x All-NBA, Hall of Fame

Teammates: Kevin Garnett

The biggest “what if” in Timberwolves history is finally answered by pairing KG with Ray Allen, just as god intended. The Wolves picked Allen with the fifth pick in the 1996 NBA Draft only to trade him to the Milwaukee Bucks for the fourth pick, Stephon Marbury. Marbury was a star alongside KG, but forced his way out of Minnesota after just 2.5 years. Ray Allen is one of the greatest shooting guards of all time and finally teamed up with Garnett in 2007 in Boston where the two won a championship and played in two NBA Finals. Oh, what could have been if they had been able to team up in Minnesota for a decade in the prime of their careers. Could they have won a championship? Possibly, KG took the Wolves to the Western Conference Finals in 2004 and was a Sam Cassell hip injury away from taking down the Lakers. Allen led the Bucks to an improbable run the the Eastern Conference Finals in 2001. It still haunts me to this day. I need answers, and that’s why I finally did it. Lets finally see what you could have done together.

Pick 43: Chicago Bulls (John): Bob Cousy

Stats: 6x NBA Champion, 1x NBA MVP, 13x All-Star, 12x All-NBA, Hall of Fame

Teammates: Jerry West

Jerry West and Bob Cousy would be your dad’s favorite team. Cousy was a baller even before teaming up with Bill Russell, and he can run the show while West racks up the points.

Pick 44: Cleveland Cavaliers (Phil): Walt Frazier

Stats: 2x NBA Champion, 7x All-Star, 6x All-NBA, 7x All Defensive, Hall of Fame

Teammates: Karl Malone

Walt Frazier might be one of the most underrated players from the ’70s but he led the Knicks to glory twice and is an NYC legend on par with Joe Namath. He’d pair well with Karl Malone and bring some glitz and glam to Cleveland.

Pick 45: Dallas Mavericks (John): Elvin Hayes

Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 12x All-Star, 6x All-NBA, 2x All-Defensive, 1x Scoring Champ, Hall of Fame

Teammates: Moses Malone

The beef boys are ready to grab every rebound in Dallas. Malone is third all-time in rebounds and Elvin Hayes is sixth. The lane is gonna be clogged, but no frontline will be able to matchup with this duo.

Pick 46: Golden State Warriors (Phil): Rick Barry

Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 1x Finals MVP, 8x NBA All-Star (4x ABA), 6x All NBA, 4x All-ABA, 1965-66 ROY, 1x Scoring Champ, Hall of Fame

Teammates: Steph Curry

If Steph Curry is the most beloved player in Warriors history, Rick Barry might be the most reviled. Barry was an asshole, but god dammit he could score. One of the best scoring forwards ever he led the Warriors to a championship in 1975. Fans will hate him (and his kids) but he and Steph would be unstoppable.

Pick 47: Memphis Grizzlies (John): Reggie Miller

Stats: 5x All-Star, 3x All-NBA, Hall of Fame

Teammates: Julius Erving

Memphis may have just skyrocketed towards the top of the League Pass rankings with this pick. Reggie Miller is one of the most fun players to love, and even more fun to hate.

Pick 48: Washington Wizards (Phil): George Gervin

Stats: 9x NBA All-Star (3x ABA), 7x All-NBA, 2x All-ABA, 4x Scoring Champ, Hall of Fame

Teammates: Oscar Robertson

The Iceman might not be the best fit alongside a high usage point guard in Oscar, but they will be one of the hardest backcourts to defend. The two Hall of Famers could each go off for 50 on any given night. The defense might not be amazing, but Gervin will sell tickets.

Pick 49: Detroit Pistons (John): Willis Reed

Stats: 2x NBA Champion, 1x NBA MVP, 2x Finals MVP, 7x All-Star, 5x All-NBA, 1x All-Defensive, 1964-65 ROY, Hall of Fame

Teammates: Kevin Durant

Willis Reed seems like a perfect fit in Detroit. He’s tough, plays hurt in game 7, and sounds like he should have been a Motown star. Reed’s motor and Durant’s scoring prowess will do damage and could be the perfect mid-pick pairing at 12 and 49 respectively.

Pick 50: Boston Celtics (Phil): Dominique Wilkins

Stats: 9x All-Star, 7x All-NBA, 1x Scoring Champ, Hall of Fame

Teammates: Kobe Bryant

Holy shit the Celtics just became the most exciting team ever assembled with Dominique and Kobe. Two of the best dunkers ever, the days of team play and fundamentals are over in Boston. Yes, Wilkins never won in the NBA and never got out of the second round, but that’s why you pair him with one of the best winners ever. Dominique can just run around and dunk on everyone for three quarters and then get the fuck out of Kobe’s way in the fourth. Boston might not be the best team out there, but dammit it’s going to be everyone’s favorite.

Pick 51: Houston Rockets (John): Tracy McGrady

Stats: 7x All-Star, 7x All-NBA, 2x Scoring Champ, Hall of Fame

Teammates: Tim Duncan

TMac returns to Houston to team up with Houston’s tormentor for 20 years in Tim Duncan. He’s the Riggs to Duncan’s Murtaugh.

Pick 52: Philadelphia 76ers (Phil): Paul Pierce

Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 1x Finals MVP, 10x All-Star, 4x All-NBA, Hall of Fame

Teammates: Shaquille O’Neal

Pierce is going to shit his pants the first time the 76ers fans boo him for only scoring 19 points in a big game. Hack-a-Shaq will be in full effect after watching Ben Simmons’ free throw meltdown in the playoffs last year. Things could get flushed down the toilet quickly in Philly.

Pick 53: Minnesota Timberwolves (John): Gary Payton

Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 9x All-Star, 9x All-NBA, 9x All-Defensive, 1x DPOY, Hall of Fame

Teammates: Hakeem Olajuwon

GP made the finals with Shawn Kemp in 1996. Olajuwon is a 5000% upgrade over Kemp, and should be able to take Payton to the promised land. This is the best defensive team in the league already and will play scrappy. David Robinson is going to have nightmares about this team.

Pick 54: Phoenix Suns (Phil): Russell Westbrook

Stats: 1x NBA MVP, 9x All-Star, 9x All-NBA, 2x Scoring Champ

Teammates: Larry Bird

Larry bird is going to throw hands with Westbrook the first time Russ dribbles up the court and takes a pull up three late in the shot clock without passing to anyone.

Pick 55: Milwaukee Bucks (John): Clyde Drexler

Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 10x All-Star, 5x All-NBA, Hall of Fame

Teammates: Wilt Chamberlain

This is a wonky fit in Milwaukee. Wilt is going to be distracted by the bustling Wisconsin nightlife so Drexler will have to carry the load day to day. The last pro player selected to the dream team could feel another slight falling to the 55th pick and work up a dark-horse MVP season.

Pick 56: Charlotte Hornets (Phil): James Worthy

Stats: 3x NBA Champion, 1x Finals MVP, 7x All-Star, 2x All-NBA, Hall of Fame

Teammates: Bill Russell

Two of the greatest winners ever form an interesting foundation to a team that might not be flashy but will do the little things to get the job done.

Pick 57: Utah Jazz (John): Bob McAdoo

Stats: 2x NBA Champion, 1x NBA MVP, 5x All-Star, 2x All-NBA, 1972-73 ROY, 3x Scoring Champ, Hall of Fame

Teammates: Magic Johnson

McAdoo has some big shoes to fill as he takes Kareem Abdul-Jabbar’s spot as Magic’s running-mate. McAdoo is no Kareem, but was a dominate center in his own right in the ’70s.

Pick 58: Denver Nuggets (Phil): Alonzo Mourning

Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 7x All-Star, 2x All-NBA, 2x All-Defensive, 2x DPOY, Hall of Fame

Teammates: LeBron James

If he had two good kidneys, Alonzo Mourning would be 10-20 spots higher in this draft. After Shaq, Olajuwon, David Robinson, and Ewing; Mourning was probably the next best center during the heyday in the ’90s. He and LeBron create one of the most imposing frontlines in the league and will be nearly impossible to score on.

Pick 59: Miami Heat (John): Dennis Johnson

Stats: 3x NBA Champion, 1x Finals MVP, 5x All-Star, 2x All-NBA, 9x All-Defensive, Hall of Fame

Teammates: Kareem Abdul-Jabbar

Kareem gets the defensive-minded point guard who guided the Sonics to a championship before two championship runs with Larry Bird and the gang in Boston in the ’80s. John could have had DJ in the third round, but you can’t fault him for taking the three-time champ.

Pick 60: Indiana Pacers (Phil): Robert Parish

Stats: 4x NBA Champion, 9x All-Star, 2x All-NBA, Hall of Fame

Teammates: Michael Jordan

MJ gets his former teammate (Yea Parish finished his long career in Chicago) for another run at a title together. Parish is almost underrated because of his longevity and being overshadowed by Larry Bird and Kevin McHale, but he is one of the best centers ever and will pair beautifully with Jordan. What a steal with the last pick of the second round.