Have you ever been watching basketball this season and thought you knew what was going to happen and all of a sudden Ja Morant is an MVP candidate and the Grizzlies are a legitimate title contender? And then when you predict the Lakers to beat the Nets in the NBA Finals before the season starts and now Kyrie Irving refuses to get vaccinated, Kevin Durant gets hurt, and James Harden gets traded while LeBron James has to deal with whatever Russell Westbrook thinks he’s doing and Anthony Davis keeps getting hurt and both teams might not even make the playoffs? Has that ever happened to you? And then you watch Andrew Wiggins stand in the corner at Target Center for six and a half years and then get traded to Golden State and become a-two-way All-Star and might win a championship and everyone forgot that they hated him when he played for the Timberwolves and now they love him because he plays for a popular team. And then the Timberwolves are better than they ever were with Andrew Wiggins but nobody cares because they don’t watch the games and still hate D’Angelo Russell but he’s actually good and plays defense but all anyone talks about is Anthony Edwards. And then everyone starts comparing Jarred Vanderbilt to a young Dennis Rodman and it catches on and his teammates bring it up but you started it and nobody cares because nobody reads this blog. Has that ever happened to you?
The three American people who are actually going to read this may not know what Peep Show is, but this is for the two British people who will see this. In what is essentially British Always Sunny except PeepShow makes British people more likable than they really are. It’s also created by Jesse Armstrong, who also created Succession, and it’s kind of the opposite of Succession. Poor 30-something white guys living in Croydon is about as far from Succession’s Manhattan billionaires as possible. As a now 30-something white man who lives in a tower block in East London, I can relate to the unrelenting slog of life that Mark and Jez are trying to get through. In the NBA, it’s the equivalent of being a Timberwolves fan. Everything sucks but hey, you’re not the worst person in the world, yet.
We’re a quarter of the way through the 2021-22 NBA season and like any good business, teams are evolving before our eyes. The Warriors’ stock is back to pre-Durant levels, the Suns can’t fucking lose, while the Lakers are just trying to survive the next shareholders meeting. But the fun thing about the NBA is that anything can happen over the next 60-plus games. Teams that have a hot first can still find themselves tanking at the season’s end, middling teams can get hot down the stretch, and injuries can and will wreak havoc on a team’s bottom line. As the calendar flips to December it’s time to buckle down, consolidate power, and for some, it might be time for a blood sacrifice to scrape their way into the play-in tournament.
All great teams need a great coach. To round out our mega-draft we decided to draft 30 legendary coaches, one for each team. We went in reverse order so Michael Jordan doesn’t get everything he wants.
Pick 1: San Antonio Spurs (John): Phil Jackson
Stats: 11 NBA Championships, 1155 Wins
The greatest coach of all time to everyone except Scottie Pippen.
Pick 2: New York Knicks (Phil): Gregg Popovich
Stats: 5 NBA Championships, 1310 Wins
Reigned over the Spurs dynasty for 20 years but hasn’t done much without Tim Duncan.
Pick 3: New Orleans Pelicans (John): Pat Riley
Stats: 5 NBA Championships, 1210 Wins
The true sex appeal of the showtime Lakers in the ’80s.
Pick 4: Los Angeles Lakers (Phil): Red Auerbach
Stats: 9 NBA Championships, 938 Wins
The Lakers getting the Celtics legend who tormented them 50 years ago is a perfect pick.
Pick 5: Orlando Magic (John): Chuck Daly
Stats: 2 NBA Championships, 638 Wins
Won with the Bad Boy Pistons, he can handle Iverson and Harden.
Pick 6: Oklahoma City Thunder (Phil): Steve Kerr
Stats: 3 NBA Championships, 376 Wins
Leader of the Warriors dynasty walked into a championship team.
Pick 7: Atlanta Hawks (John): George Karl
Stats: 1 Western Conference Championship, 1175 Wins
One of the best coaches to never win a championship.
Pick 8: Portland Trail Blazers (Phil): John Kundla
Stats: 4 NBA Championships (1 BAA Championship), 423 Wins
Won five championships before your parents were born.
Pick 9: Los Angeles Clippers (John): K.C. Jones
Stats: 2 NBA Championships, 553 Wins
Led arguably the greatest team ever with the 1986 Celtics, so he knows how to coach a super team.
Pick 10: Sacramento Kings (Phil): Erik Spoelstra
Stats: 2 NBA Championships, 607 Wins
Arguably the most underrated coach ever thanks to LeBron.
Pick 11: Brooklyn Nets (John): Don Nelson
Stats: 0 NBA Championships, 1335 Wins
Uncle Donny is going to start his own grow house on the sidelines of the Barclays Center.
Pick 12: Toronto Raptors (Phil): Larry Brown
Stats: 1 NBA Championship, 1327 Wins
KG is probably going to go full Sprewell and choke the shit out of Larry Brown, and he’ll be out in two years.
Pick 13: Chicago Bulls (John): Lenny Wilkens
Stats: 1 NBA Championship, 1332 Wins
A better coach than a player, and he’s a Hall of Fame player.
Pick 14: Cleveland Cavaliers (Phil): Billy Cunningham
Stats: 1 NBA Championship, 454 Wins
See Lenny Wilkens.
Pick 15: Dallas Mavericks (John): Red Holzman
Stats: 2 NBA Championships, 696 Wins
Mark Cuban is going to love having a coach who doesn’t know what crypto is.
Pick 16: Golden State Warriors (Phil): Jerry Sloan
Stats: 2 Western Conference Championships, 1221 Wins
With Sloan the Warriors will get as close to a championship as a team can without ever actually winning one.
Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 5x All-Star, 2x All-NBA (1x All-BAA), Hall of Fame
Teammates: Michael Jordan, Robert Parish, Damian Lillard, Bob Dandridge, Spencer Haywood, Robert Horry, Zion Williamson, Otis Birdsong, Jrue Holiday, Antonio McDyess, Peja Stojakovic, Dan Roundfield
Pick 362: Miami Heat (John): Cazzie Russell
Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 1x All-Star
Teammates: Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Dennis Johnson, Vince Carter, Shawn Marion, Bill Cunningham, Fat Lever, Rudy Tomjanovich, Latrell Sprewell, Kevin Willis, Jerry Sloan, Nick Van Exel, Purvis Short
Pick 363: Denver Nuggets (Phil): Frank Ramsey
Stats: 7x NBA Champion, Hall of Fame
Teammates: LeBron James, Alonzo Mourning, Earl Monroe, Dan Issel, Mark Price, Kemba Walker, Al Horford, Gordon Hayward, Rik Smits, Hersey Hawkins, Andrew Bynum, Sidney Wicks
Pick 364: Utah Jazz (John): Jamal Murray
Stats: 2016-17 All-Rookie
Teammates: Magic Johnson, Bob McAdoo, Bernard King, Kevin Love, Glen Rice, Rip Hamilton, Larry Nance, Gus Williams, Larry Johnson, David Lee, Bill Bradley, Charlie Scott
Pick 365: Charlotte Hornets (Phil): Larry Kenon
Stats: 1x ABA Champion, 2x NBA All-Star (3x ABA)
Teammates: Bill Russell, James Worthy, Tony Parker, Yao Ming, Gail Goodrich, Eddie Jones, Rich Guerin, Larry Foust, Derek Harper, Andrei Kirilenko, Dell Curry, Bob Rule
Teammates: Wilt Chamberlain, Clyde Drexler, Dennis Rodman, Dave Bing, LaMarcus Aldridge, Stephon Marbury, Alvin Robertson, Vin Baker, Rashard Lewis, Kenny Anderson, Carlos Boozer, Corey Maggette
Pick 367: Phoenix Suns (Phil): Tom Sanders
Stats: 8x NBA Champion, 1x All-Defensive, Hall of Fame
Teammates: Larry Bird, Russell Westbrook, Dave Cowens, Joe Johnson, Draymond Green, DeMarcus Cousins, Rod Strickland, Terry Cummings, Fred Brown, A.C. Green, Hot Rod Williams, Danny Ainge
Pick 368: Minnesota Timberwolves (John): Michael Adams
Stats: 1x All-Star
Teammates: Hakeem Olajuwon, Gary Payton, Alex English, Shawn Kemp, Walter Davis, Baron Davis, David West, Michael Redd, Mark Eaton, Xavier McDaniel, Danny Granger, Caron Butler
Pick 369: Philadelphia 76ers (Phil): Campy Russell
Stats: 1x All-Star
Teammates: Shaq, Paul Pierce, Manu Ginobili, Kevin Johnson, Tom Chambers, Deron Williams, Gus Johnson, CJ McCollum, Andre Drummond, Kelly Tripucka, Bam Adebayo, J.J Redick
Pick 370: Houston Rockets (John): Rony Seikaly
Stats: 1989-90 Most Improved
Teammates: Tim Duncan, Tracy McGrady, Grant Hill, Lenny Wilkens, Marc Gasol, Drazen Petrovich, Norm Nixon, Zach Randolph, Andrew Toney, Serge Ibaka, Clifford Robinson, Jamal Mashburn
Pick 371: Boston Celtics (Phil): Truck Robinson
Stats: 2x All-Star, 1x All-NBA
Teammates: Kobe Bryant, Dominique Wilkins, Dikembe Mutombo, Penny Hardaway, Bobby Jones, George McGinnis, Ben Simmons, Dale Ellis, Byron Scott, Otis Thorpe, Ja Morant, Nick Anderson
Pick 372: Detroit Pistons (John): Jonas Valanciunas
Stats: 2021-13 All-Rookie
Teammates: Kevin Durant, Willis Reed, Luka Doncic, Kyle Lowry, DeMar DeRozan, Mark Jackson, Jermaine O’Neal, Jeff Hornacek, Vlade Divac, Victor Oladipo, Slater Martin, Rudy Gay
Pick 373: Washington Wizards (Phil): Happy Hairston
Stats: 1x NBA Champion
Teammates: Oscar Robertson, George Gervin, Wes Unseld, Chris Bosh, Paul Arizin, Neil Johnston, Lou Hudson, Tyson Chandler, Michael Finley, Mike Bibby, Shane Battier, Danny Manning
Pick 374: Memphis Grizzlies (John): Don Ohl
Stats: 5x All-Star
Teammates: Julius Erving, Reggie Miller, Pau Gasol, Blake Griffin, Maurice Cheeks, Karl-Anthony Towns, Terry Porter, Allan Houston, Lou Williams, Paul Millsap, Ricky Pierce, Orlando Woolridge
Pick 375: Golden State Warriors (Phil): Phil Ford
Stats: 1x All-NBA, 1978-79 ROY
Teammate: Steph Curry, Rick Barry, Dwight Howard, Tom Heinsohn, Jimmy Butler, Maurice Lucas, Michael Cooper, Donovan Mitchell, Andrew Bogut, John Drew, Bill Cartwright, Alvan Adams
Pick 376: Dallas Mavericks (John): John Starks
Stats: 1x All-Star, 1x All-Defensive
Teammates: Moses Malone, Elvin Hayes, Adrian Dantley, Joel Embiid, Jo Jo White, Glenn Robinson, Mike Conley, Sean Elliot, Darryl Dawkins, Kenny Smith, Goran Dragic, Christian Laettner
Pick 377: Cleveland Cavaliers (Phil): Bill Bridges
Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 3x All-Star, 2x All-Defensive
Teammates: Karl Malone, Walt Frazier, Pete Maravich, Nikola Jokic, Jack Twyman, Detlef Schrempf, Mark Aguirre, Ron Harper, Clyde Lovellette, Reggie Theus, Tom Gola, Eddie Johnson
Pick 378: Chicago Bulls (John): Larry Costello
Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 6x All-Star, 1x All-NBA
Teammates: Jerry West, Bob Cousy, Sam Jones, Walt Bellamy, Jack Sikma, Jason Terry, Maurice Stokes, Louie Dampier, Brandon Ingram, Brook Lopez, Harry Gallatin, Eddie Johnson part 2
Pick 379: Toronto Raptors (Phil): Randy Smith
Stats: 2x All-Star, 1x All-NBA
Teammates: Kevin Garnett, Ray Allen, Bob Lanier, Tim Hardaway Sr., Chet Walker, Andre Igoudala, Sam Cassell, DeAndre Jordan, Lamar Odom, Steve Smith, Jaylen Brown, Josh Smith
Pick 380: Brooklyn Nets (John): Monta Ellis
Stats: 2006-07 Most Improved
Teammates: David Robinson, John Stockton, David Thompson, Connie Hawkins, Paul Westphal, Rudy Gobert, Mookie Blaylock, Dan Majerle, Terrell Brandon, Al Jefferson, Jeff Malone, Tobias Harris
Pick 381: Sacramento Kings (Phil): Kyle Korver
Stats: 1x All-Star
Teammates: Dirk Nowitzki, Jason Kidd, Artis Gilmore, Mitch Richmond, Bailey Howell, Rolando Blackman, Joakim Noah, Norm Van Lier, Cedric Maxwell, Zach LaVine, Toni Kukoc, P.J. Brown
Pick 382: Los Angeles Clippers (John): K.C. Jones
Stats: 8x NBA Champion, Hall of Fame
Teammates: Elgin Baylor, George Mikan, Hal Greer, Jerry Lucas, Jamaal Wilkes, Cliff Hagan, Jamal Crawford, Zelmo Beaty, Wayne Embry, Doc Rivers, Paul Silas, Gene Shue
Teammates: Charles Barkley, Bill Walton, Tiny Archibald, Dolph Schayes, Bradley Beal, Elton Brand, World B. Free, Marcus Camby, George Yardley, Steve Francis, Joe Barry Carroll, Isaiah Thomas
Pick 384: Atlanta Hawks (John): Sam Perkins
Stats: 1984-85 All-Rookie
Teammates: Dwyane Wade, Anthony Davis, Chris Webber, Chauncey Billups, Brandon Roy, John Wall, Horace Grant, Khris Middleton, Nikola Vucevic, Shareef Abdur-Raheem, De’Aaron Fox, Tom Gugliotta
Pick 385: Oklahoma City Thunder (Phil): Kevin Porter
Stats: 4x Assist Champ
Teammates: John Havlicek, Bob Pettit, Derrick Rose, Bill Sharman, Ben Wallace, Vern Mikkelsen, Jayson Tatum, Bob Love, Trae Young, Richard Jefferson, Red Kerr, Arnie Risen
Pick 386: Orlando Magic (John): Guy Rodgers
Stats: 4x All-Star, Hall of Fame
Teammates: Allen Iverson, James Harden, Carmelo Anthony, Dave DeBusschere, Ralph Sampson, Gilbert Arenas, Buck Williams, Tayshaun Prince, Bruce Bowen, Derrick Coleman, Kenyon Martin, Tony Allen
Pick 387: Los Angeles Lakers (Phil): Kristaps Porzingis
Stats: 1x All-Star
Teammates: Kawhi Leonard, Kevin McHale, Kyrie Irving, Sindney Moncrief, Arvydas Sabonis, Rajon Rondo, Mel Daniels, Devin Booker, Dick Van Arsdale, Zydrunas Ilgauskas, Domantas Sabonis, Luol Deng
Pick 388: New Orleans Pelicans (John): Bobby Wanzer
Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 5x All-Star, 3x All-NBA, Hall of Fame
Teammates: Isiah Thomas, Scottie Pippen, Nate Thurmond, Joe Dumars, Bill Laimbeer, Rasheed Wallace, Micheal Ray Richardson, Ron Artest, Doug Collins, Dick Barnett, Juwan Howard, Jalen Rose
Pick 389: New York Knicks (Phil): Geoff Petrie
Stats: 2x All-Star, 1970-71 ROY
Teammates: Giannis, Steve Nash, Klay Thompson, Paul George, Brad Daugherty, Ed Macauley, Kiki Vandeweghe, Calvin Murphy, Antoine Walker, Anthony Mason, Swen Nater, Julius Randle
Pick 390: San Antonio Spurs (John): Gerald Wallace
Stats: 1x All-Star, 1x All-Defensive
Teammates: Chris Paul, Patrick Ewing, Chris Mullin, Amar’e Stoudemire, Marques Johnson, Antawn Jamison, Andre Miller, Charles Oakley, Jerry Stackhouse, Mychal Thompson, Sleepy Floyd, Reggie Lewis
Round 14: I Swear it’s Almost Over
Pick 391: San Antonio Spurs (John): Jason Richardson
Stats: 2001-02 All-Rookie
Teammates: See round 13
Pick 392: New York Knicks (Phil): Steve Kerr
Stats: 5x NBA Champion
Pick 393: New Orleans Pelicans (John): Roy Tarpley
Stats: 1987-88 Sixth Man
Pick 394: Los Angeles Lakers (Phil): Junior Bridgeman
Stats:
Pick 395: Orlando Magic (John): Jason Williams
Stats: 1x NBA Champion
Pick 396: Oklahoma City Thunder (Phil): Rudy LaRusso
Stats: 5x All-Star, 1x All-Defensive
Pick 397: Atlanta Hawks (John): Joe Caldwell
Stats: 2x NBA All-Star (2x ABA), 1x All-ABA, 1x All-Defensive
Pick 398: Portland Trail Blazers (Phil): Andy Phillip
Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 5x All-Star, 2x All-NBA, Hall of Fame
Pick 399: Los Angeles Clippers (John): Willie Naulls
Stats: 3x NBA Champion, 4x All-Star
Pick 400: Sacramento Kings (Phil): Muggsy Bogues
Stats:
Pick 401: Brooklyn Nets (John): Scott Wedman
Stats: 2x NBA Champion, 2x All-Star, 1x All-Defensive
Pick 402: Toronto Raptors (Phil): Shai Gilgeous-Alexander
Stats: 2018-19 All-Rookie
Pick 403: Chicago Bulls (John): Austin Carr
Stats: 1x All-Star
Pick 404: Cleveland Cavaliers (Phil): Dale Davis
Stats: 1x All-Star
Pick 405: Dallas Mavericks (John): Tom Van Arsdale
Stats: 3x All-Star
Pick 406: Golden State Warriors (Phil): Al Attles
Stats: Hall of Fame
Pick 407: Memphis Grizzlies (John): Andrew Wiggins
Stats: 2014-15 ROY
Pick 408: Washington Wizards (Phil): Lucius Allen
Stats: 1x NBA Champion
Pick 409: Detroit Pistons (John): Archie Clark
Stats: 2x All-Star, 1x All-NBA
Pick 410: Boston Celtics (Phil): Clint Capela
Stats: 1x Rebound Champ
Pick 411: Houston Rockets (John): Dick McGuire
Stats: 7x All-Star, 1x All-NBA, Hall of Fame
Pick 412: Philadelphia 76ers (Phil): Pascal Siakam
Stats: 1x BAA Champion, 2x All-Star, 1x All-NBA (3x All-BAA), 1x Scoring Champion, Hall of Fame
Pick 417: Utah Jazz (John): Caldwell Jones
Stats: 1x All-Star, 2x All-Defensive
Pick 418: Denver Nuggets (Phil): Bob Boozer
Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 1x All-Star
Pick 419: Miami Heat (John): Jeff Mullins
Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 3x All-Star
Pick 420: Indiana Pacers (Phil): Brian Winters
Stats: 2x All-Star
Round 15: It’s Finally Over
Pick 421: Indiana Pacers (Phil): Nene
Stats: 2002-03 All-Rookie
Teammates: Michael Jordan, Robert Parish, Damian Lillard, Bob Dandridge, Spencer Haywood, Robert Horry, Zion Williamson, Otis Birdsong, Jrue Holiday, Antonio McDyess, Peja Stojakovic, Dan Roundfield, Carl Braun, Dan Roundfield
Pick 422: Miami Heat (John): Walter Dukes
Stats: 2x All-Star
Teammates: Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Dennis Johnson, Vince Carter, Shawn Marion, Bill Cunningham, Fat Lever, Rudy Tomjanovich, Latrell Sprewell, Kevin Willis, Jerry Sloan, Nick Van Exel, Purvis Short, Cazzie Russell, Jeff Mullins
Pick 423: Denver Nuggets (Phil): Dennis Scott
Stats: 1990-91 All-Rookie
Teammates: LeBron James, Alonzo Mourning, Earl Monroe, Dan Issel, Mark Price, Kemba Walker, Al Horford, Gordon Hayward, Rik Smits, Hersey Hawkins, Andrew Bynum, Sidney Wicks, Frank Ramsey, Bob Boozer
Pick 424: Utah Jazz (John): Billy Knight
Stats: 2x NBA All-STar (1x ABA), 1x All-ABA
Teammates: Magic Johnson, Bob McAdoo, Bernard King, Kevin Love, Glen Rice, Rip Hamilton, Larry Nance, Gus Williams, Larry Johnson, David Lee, Bill Bradley, Charlie Scott, Jamal Murray, Caldwell Jones
Pick 425: Charlotte Hornets (Phil): Jimmy Jones
Stats: 6x ABA All-Star, 3x All-ABA
Teammates: Bill Russell, James Worthy, Tony Parker, Yao Ming, Gail Goodrich, Eddie Jones, Rich Guerin, Larry Foust, Derek Harper, Andrei Kirilenko, Dell Curry, Bob Rule, Larry Kenon, Joe Fulks
Pick 426: Milwaukee Bucks (John): Calvin Natt
Stats: 1x All-Star
Teammates: Wilt Chamberlain, Clyde Drexler, Dennis Rodman, Dave Bing, LaMarcus Aldridge, Stephon Marbury, Alvin Robertson, Vin Baker, Rashard Lewis, Kenny Anderson, Carlos Boozer, Corey Maggette, Darrell Griffith, Keith Van Horn
Pick 427: Phoenix Suns (Phil): Roger Brown
Stats: 3x ABA Champion, 4x ABA All-Star, 3x All-ABA, Hall of Fame
Teammates: Larry Bird, Russell Westbrook, Dave Cowens, Joe Johnson, Draymond Green, DeMarcus Cousins, Rod Strickland, Terry Cummings, Fred Brown, A.C. Green, Hot Rod Williams, Danny Ainge, Tom Sanders, Mike Mitchell
Teammates: Hakeem Olajuwon, Gary Payton, Alex English, Shawn Kemp, Walter Davis, Baron Davis, David West, Michael Redd, Mark Eaton, Xavier McDaniel, Danny Granger, Caron Butler, Michael Adams, Cedric Ceballos
Pick 429: Philadelphia 76ers (Phil): Derek Fisher
Stats: 5x NBA Champion
Teammates: Shaq, Paul Pierce, Manu Ginobili, Kevin Johnson, Tom Chambers, Deron Williams, Gus Johnson, CJ McCollum, Andre Drummond, Kelly Tripucka, Bam Adebayo, J.J Redick, Campy Russell, Pascal Siakam
Pick 430: Houston Rockets (John): Jimmy Walker
Stats: 2x All-Star
Teammates: Tim Duncan, Tracy McGrady, Grant Hill, Lenny Wilkens, Marc Gasol, Drazen Petrovich, Norm Nixon, Zach Randolph, Andrew Toney, Serge Ibaka, Clifford Robinson, Jamal Mashburn, Rony Seikaly, Dick McGuire
Pick 431: Boston Celtics (Phil): Johnny Green
Stats: 4x All-Star
Teammates: Kobe Bryant, Dominique Wilkins, Dikembe Mutombo, Penny Hardaway, Bobby Jones, George McGinnis, Ben Simmons, Dale Ellis, Byron Scott, Otis Thorpe, Ja Morant, Nick Anderson, Truck Robinson, Clint Capela
Pick 432: Detroit Pistons (John): Ray Williams
Teammates: Kevin Durant, Willis Reed, Luka Doncic, Kyle Lowry, DeMar DeRozan, Mark Jackson, Jermaine O’Neal, Jeff Hornacek, Vlade Divac, Victor Oladipo, Slater Martin, Rudy Gay, Jonas Valancunias, Archie Clark
Pick 433: Washington Wizards (Phil): Jeff Ruland
Stats: 2x All-Star
Teammates: Oscar Robertson, George Gervin, Wes Unseld, Chris Bosh, Paul Arizin, Neil Johnston, Lou Hudson, Tyson Chandler, Michael Finley, Mike Bibby, Shane Battier, Danny Manning, Happy Hairston, Lucius Allen
Pick 434: Memphis Grizzlies (John): Jim Pollard
Stats: 4x BAA/NBA Champion, 4x All-Star, 3x All-NBA (1x All-BAA), Hall of Fame
Teammates: Julius Erving, Reggie Miller, Pau Gasol, Blake Griffin, Maurice Cheeks, Karl-Anthony Towns, Terry Porter, Allan Houston, Lou Williams, Paul Millsap, Ricky Pierce, Orlando Woolridge, Don Ohl, Andrew Wiggins
Pick 435: Golden State Warriors (Phil): Mack Calvin
Stats: 5x ABA All-Star, 4x All-ABA
Teammate: Steph Curry, Rick Barry, Dwight Howard, Tom Heinsohn, Jimmy Butler, Maurice Lucas, Michael Cooper, Donovan Mitchell, Andrew Bogut, John Drew, Bill Cartwright, Alvan Adams, Phil Ford, Al Attles
Pick 436: Dallas Mavericks (John): Don Nelson
Stats: 5x NBA Champion, Hall of Fame
Teammates: Moses Malone, Elvin Hayes, Adrian Dantley, Joel Embiid, Jo Jo White, Glenn Robinson, Mike Conley, Sean Elliot, Darryl Dawkins, Kenny Smith, Goran Dragic, Christian Laettner, John Starks, Tom Van Arsdale
Pick 437: Cleveland Cavaliers (Phil): Phil Chenier
Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 3x All-Star, 1x All-NBA
Teammates: Karl Malone, Walt Frazier, Pete Maravich, Nikola Jokic, Jack Twyman, Detlef Schrempf, Mark Aguirre, Ron Harper, Clyde Lovellette, Reggie Theus, Tom Gola, Eddie Johnson, Bill Bridges, Dale Davis
Pick 438: Chicago Bulls (John): Ray Scott
Teammates: Jerry West, Bob Cousy, Sam Jones, Walt Bellamy, Jack Sikma, Jason Terry, Maurice Stokes, Louie Dampier, Brandon Ingram, Brook Lopez, Harry Gallatin, Eddie Johnson part 2, Larry Costello, Austin Carr
Pick 439: Toronto Raptors (Phil): Donnie Freeman
Stats: 1x ABA Champion, 5x ABA All-Star, 4x All-ABA
Teammates: Kevin Garnett, Ray Allen, Bob Lanier, Tim Hardaway Sr., Chet Walker, Andre Igoudala, Sam Cassell, DeAndre Jordan, Lamar Odom, Steve Smith, Jaylen Brown, Josh Smith, Randy Smith, Shai Gilgeous-Alexander
Pick 440: Brooklyn Nets (John): Vinnie Johnson
Stats: 2x NBA Champion
Teammates: David Robinson, John Stockton, David Thompson, Connie Hawkins, Paul Westphal, Rudy Gobert, Mookie Blaylock, Dan Majerle, Terrell Brandon, Al Jefferson, Jeff Malone, Tobias Harris, Monta Ellis, Scott Wedman
Pick 441: Sacramento Kings (Phil): Jim Paxson
Stats: 2x All-Star, 1x All-NBA
Teammates: Dirk Nowitzki, Jason Kidd, Artis Gilmore, Mitch Richmond, Bailey Howell, Rolando Blackman, Joakim Noah, Norm Van Lier, Cedric Maxwell, Zach LaVine, Toni Kukoc, P.J. Brown, Kyle Korver, Muggsy Bogues
Pick 442: Los Angeles Clippers (John): Eric Gordon
Stats: 2016-17 Sixth Man
Teammates: Elgin Baylor, George Mikan, Hal Greer, Jerry Lucas, Jamaal Wilkes, Cliff Hagan, Jamal Crawford, Zelmo Beaty, Wayne Embry, Doc Rivers, Paul Silas, Gene Shue, K.C. Jones, Willie Naulls
Pick 443: Portland Trail Blazers (Phil): Alex Groza
Stats: 1x All-Star, 2x All-NBA, 1949-50 ROY
Teammates: Charles Barkley, Bill Walton, Tiny Archibald, Dolph Schayes, Bradley Beal, Elton Brand, World B. Free, Marcus Camby, George Yardley, Steve Francis, Joe Barry Carroll, Isaiah Thomas, Wally Szczerbiak, Andy Phillip
Pick 444: Atlanta Hawks (John): Ben Gordon
Stats: 2004-05 Sixth Man
Teammates: Dwyane Wade, Anthony Davis, Chris Webber, Chauncey Billups, Brandon Roy, John Wall, Horace Grant, Khris Middleton, Nikola Vucevic, Shareef Abdur-Raheem, De’Aaron Fox, Tom Gugliotta, Sam Perkins, Joe Caldwell
Pick 445: Oklahoma City Thunder (Phil): Red Rocha
Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 2x All-Star
Teammates: John Havlicek, Bob Pettit, Derrick Rose, Bill Sharman, Ben Wallace, Vern Mikkelsen, Jayson Tatum, Bob Love, Trae Young, Richard Jefferson, Red Kerr, Arnie Risen, Kevin Porter, Rudy LaRusso
Pick 446: Orlando Magic (John): Cliff Robinson
Stats: Not Clifford Robinson
Teammates: Allen Iverson, James Harden, Carmelo Anthony, Dave DeBusschere, Ralph Sampson, Gilbert Arenas, Buck Williams, Tayshaun Prince, Bruce Bowen, Derrick Coleman, Kenyon Martin, Tony Allen, Guy Rodgers, Jason Williams
Pick 447: Los Angeles Lakers (Phil): Danilo Gallinari
Teammates: Kawhi Leonard, Kevin McHale, Kyrie Irving, Sindney Moncrief, Arvydas Sabonis, Rajon Rondo, Mel Daniels, Devin Booker, Dick Van Arsdale, Zydrunas Ilgauskas, Domantas Sabonis, Luol Deng, Kristaps Porzingis, Junior Bridgeman
Pick 448: New Orleans Pelicans (John): Stephen Jackson
Stats: 1x NBA Champion
Teammates: Isiah Thomas, Scottie Pippen, Nate Thurmond, Joe Dumars, Bill Laimbeer, Rasheed Wallace, Micheal Ray Richardson, Ron Artest, Doug Collins, Dick Barnett, Juwan Howard, Jalen Rose, Bobby Wanzer, Roy Tarpley
Pick 449: New York Knicks (Phil): Sam Mitchell
Stats: The greatest player ever
Teammates: Giannis, Steve Nash, Klay Thompson, Paul George, Brad Daugherty, Ed Macauley, Kiki Vandeweghe, Calvin Murphy, Antoine Walker, Anthony Mason, Swen Nater, Julius Randle, Geoff Petrie, Steve Kerr
Pick 450: San Antonio Spurs (John): Malik Sealy
Teammates: Chris Paul, Patrick Ewing, Chris Mullin, Amar’e Stoudemire, Marques Johnson, Antawn Jamison, Andre Miller, Charles Oakley, Jerry Stackhouse, Mychal Thompson, Sleepy Floyd, Reggie Lewis, Gerald Wallace, Jason Richardson
It’s been a weird start to the NBA’s 75th season, almost as weird as an American football coach making his way to the English Premier League. The Ben Simmons saga, Kyrie Irving’s flat galaxy brain, and the Minnesota Timberwolves are the most fun basketball team of all time. It’s hard to judge how good a team actually is when every team has played either two or three games, but it’s time for overreactions six days into the new season. Are the Lakers going to miss the playoffs? Will Karl-Anthony Towns and Anthony Edwards share the MVP award, and can the Thunder actually go 0-82. What better way to sum up the warm feeling we all get when the NBA returns and the internal rage at some of the early storylines that have nothing to do with basketball than the Legend Roy Kent. Because just like Ben Simmons trade rumors (and Covid), he’s here, he’s there, he’s every fucking where.
Teammates: Michael Jordan, Robert Parish, Damian Lillard, Bob Dandridge, Spencer Haywood, Robert Horry, Zion Williamson, Otis Birdsong, Jrue Holiday, Antonio McDyess
Pick 302: Miami Heat (John): Nick Van Exel
Stats: 1x All-Star
Teammates: Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Dennis Johnson, Vince Carter, Shawn Marion, Bill Cunningham, Fat Lever, Rudy Tomjanovich, Latrell Sprewell, Kevin Willis, Jerry Sloan
Pick 303: Denver Nuggets (Phil): Andrew Bynum
Stats: 2x NBA Champion, 1x All-Star, 1x All-NBA
Teammates: LeBron James, Alonzo Mourning, Earl Monroe, Dan Issel, Mark Price, Kemba Walker, Al Horford, Gordon Hayward, Rik Smits, Hersey Hawkins
Pick 304: Utah Jazz (John): Bill Bradley
Stats: 2x NBA Champion, 1x All-Star, Hall of Fame
Teammates: Magic Johnson, Bob McAdoo, Bernard King, Kevin Love, Glen Rice, Rip Hamilton, Larry Nance, Gus Williams, Larry Johnson, David Leed
Pick 305: Charlotte Hornets (Phil): Dell Curry
Stats: 1x Sixth Man
Teammates: Bill Russell, James Worthy, Tony Parker, Yao Ming, Gail Goodrich, Eddie Jones, Rich Guerin, Larry Foust, Derek Harper, Andrei Kirilenko
Pick 306: Milwaukee Bucks (John): Carlos Boozer
Stats: 2x All-Star, 1x All-NBA
Teammates: Wilt Chamberlain, Clyde Drexler, Dennis Rodman, Dave Bing, LaMarcus Aldridge, Stephon Marbury, Alvin Robertson, Vin Baker, Rashard Lewis, Kenny Anderson
Pick 307: Phoenix Suns (Phil): Hot Rod Williams
Stats: Dope Nickname
Teammates: Larry Bird, Russell Westbrook, Dave Cowens, Joe Johnson, Draymond Green, DeMarcus Cousins, Rod Strickland, Terry Cummings, Fred Brown, A.C. Green
Pick 308: Minnesota Timberwolves (John): Danny Granger
Stats: 1x All-Star
Teammates: Hakeem Olajuwon, Gary Payton, Alex English, Shawn Kemp, Walter Davis, Baron Davis, David West, Michael Redd, Mark Eaton, Xavier McDaniel
Pick 309: Philadelphia 76ers (Phil): Bam Adebayo
Stats: 1x All-Star, 2x All-Defensive
Teammates: Shaq, Paul Pierce, Manu Ginobili, Kevin Johnson, Tom Chambers, Deron Williams, Gus Johnson, CJ McCollum, Andre Drummond, Kelly Tripucka
Teammates: Tim Duncan, Tracy McGrady, Grant Hill, Lenny Wilkens, Marc Gasol, Drazen Petrovich, Norm Nixon, Zach Randolph, Andrew Toney, Serge Ibaka
Pick 311: Boston Celtics (Phil): Ja Morant
Stats: 2019-20 ROY
Teammates: Kobe Bryant, Dominique Wilkins, Dikembe Mutombo, Penny Hardaway, Bobby Jones, George McGinnis, Ben Simmons, Dale Ellis, Byron Scott, Otis Thorpe
Pick 312: Detroit Pistons (John): Slater Martin
Stats: 5x NBA Champion, 7x All-Star, 5x All-NBA, Hall of Fame
Teammates: Kevin Durant, Willis Reed, Luka Doncic, Kyle Lowry, DeMar DeRozan, Mark Jackson, Jermaine O’Neal, Jeff Hornacek, Vlade Divac, Victor Oladipo
Pick 313: Washington Wizards (Phil): Shane Battier
Stats: 2x NBA Champion, 2x All-Defensive
Teammates: Oscar Robertson, George Gervin, Wes Unseld, Chris Bosh, Paul Arizin, Neil Johnston, Lou Hudson, Tyson Chandler, Michael Finley, Mike Bibby
Pick 314: Memphis Grizzlies (John): Ricky Pierce
Stats: 1x All-Star
Teammates: Julius Erving, Reggie Miller, Pau Gasol, Blake Griffin, Maurice Cheeks, Karl-Anthony Towns, Terry Porter, Allan Houston, Lou Williams, Paul Millsap
Pick 315: Golden State Warriors (Phil): Bill Cartwright
Stats: 3x NBA Champion, 1x All-Star
Teammate: Steph Curry, Rick Barry, Dwight Howard, Tom Heinsohn, Jimmy Butler, Maurice Lucas, Michael Cooper, Donovan Mitchell, Andrew Bogut, John Drew
Pick 316: Dallas Mavericks (John): Goran Dragic
Stats: 1x All-Star, 1x All-NBA
Teammates: Moses Malone, Elvin Hayes, Adrian Dantley, Joel Embiid, Jo Jo White, Glenn Robinson, Mike Conley, Sean Elliot, Darryl Dawkins, Kenny Smith
Pick 317: Cleveland Cavaliers (Phil): Tom Gola
Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 5x All-Star, 1x All-NBA, Hall of Fame
Teammates: Karl Malone, Walt Frazier, Pete Maravich, Nikola Jokic, Jack Twyman, Detlef Schrempf, Mark Aguirre, Ron Harper, Clyde Lovellette, Reggie Theus
Pick 318: Chicago Bulls (John): Harry Gallatin
Stats: 7x All-Star, 2x All-NBA, Hall of Fame
Teammates: Jerry West, Bob Cousy, Sam Jones, Walt Bellamy, Jack Sikma, Jason Terry, Maurice Stokes, Louie Dampier, Brandon Ingram, Brook Lopez
Pick 319: Toronto Raptors (Phil): Jaylen Brown
Stats: 1x All-Star
Teammates: Kevin Garnett, Ray Allen, Bob Lanier, Tim Hardaway Sr., Chet Walker, Andre Igoudala, Sam Cassell, DeAndre Jordan, Lamar Odom, Steve Smith
Pick 320: Brooklyn Nets (John): Jeff Malone
Stats: 2x All-Star
Teammates: David Robinson, John Stockton, David Thompson, Connie Hawkins, Paul Westphal, Rudy Gobert, Mookie Blaylock, Dan Majerle, Terrell Brandon, Al Jefferson
Pick 321: Sacramento Kings (Phil): Toni Kukoc
Stats: 3x NBA Champion, Hall of Fame
Teammates: Dirk Nowitzki, Jason Kidd, Artis Gilmore, Mitch Richmond, Bailey Howell, Rolando Blackman, Joakim Noah, Norm Van Lier, Cedric Maxwell, Zach LaVine
Pick 322: Los Angeles Clippers (John): Paul Silas
Stats: 3x NBA Champion, 2x All-Star, 5x All-Defensive
Teammates: Elgin Baylor, George Mikan, Hal Greer, Jerry Lucas, Jamaal Wilkes, Cliff Hagan, Jamal Crawford, Zelmo Beaty, Wayne Embry, Doc Rivers
Pick 323: Portland Trail Blazers (Phil): Joe Barry Carroll
Stats: 1x All-Star
Teammates: Charles Barkley, Bill Walton, Tiny Archibald, Dolph Schayes, Bradley Beal, Elton Brand, World B. Free, Marcus Camby, George Yardley, Steve Francis
Pick 324: Atlanta Hawks (John): De’Aaron Fox
Stats: Nothing to see here
Teammates: Dwyane Wade, Anthony Davis, Chris Webber, Chauncey Billups, Brandon Roy, John Wall, Horace Grant, Khris Middleton, Nikola Vucevic, Shareef Abdur-Raheem
Pick 325: Oklahoma City Thunder (Phil): Red Kerr
Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 3x All-Star
Teammates: John Havlicek, Bob Pettit, Derrick Rose, Bill Sharman, Ben Wallace, Vern Mikkelsen, Jayson Tatum, Bob Love, Trae Young, Richard Jefferson
Pick 326: Orlando Magic (John): Kenyon Martin
Stats: 1x All-Star
Teammates: Allen Iverson, James Harden, Carmelo Anthony, Dave DeBusschere, Ralph Sampson, Gilbert Arenas, Buck Williams, Tayshaun Prince, Bruce Bowen, Derrick Coleman
Pick 327: Los Angeles Lakers (Phil): Domantas Sabonis
Stats: 2x All-Star
Teammates: Kawhi Leonard, Kevin McHale, Kyrie Irving, Sindney Moncrief, Arvydas Sabonis, Rajon Rondo, Mel Daniels, Devin Booker, Dick Van Arsdale, Zydrunas Ilgauskas
Pick 328: New Orleans Pelicans (John): Juwan Howard
Stats: 2x NBA Champion, 1x All-Star, 1x All-NBA
Teammates: Isiah Thomas, Scottie Pippen, Nate Thurmond, Joe Dumars, Bill Laimbeer, Rasheed Wallace, Micheal Ray Richardson, Ron Artest, Doug Collins, Dick Barnett
Pick 329: New York Knicks (Phil): Swen Nater
Stats: 2x ABA All-Star, 2x All-ABA, 1973-74 ABA ROY
Teammates: Giannis, Steve Nash, Klay Thompson, Paul George, Brad Daugherty, Ed Macauley, Kiki Vandeweghe, Calvin Murphy, Antoine Walker, Anthony Mason
Pick 330: San Antonio Spurs (John): Sleepy Floyd
Stats: 1x All-Star
Teammates: Chris Paul, Patrick Ewing, Chris Mullin, Amar’e Stoudemire, Marques Johnson, Antawn Jamison, Andre Miller, Charles Oakley, Jerry Stackhouse, Mychal Thompson
Round 12:
Pick 331: San Antonio Spurs (John): Reggie Lewis
Stats: 1x All-Star
Teammates: See round 11
Pick 332: New York Knicks (Phil): Julius Randle
Stats: 1x All-Star, 1x All-NBA
Pick 333: New Orleans Pelicans (John): Jalen Rose
Stats: 1999-2000 Most Improved
Pick 334: Los Angeles Lakers (Phil): Luol Deng
Stats: 2x All-Star, 1x All-Defensive
Pick 335: Orlando Magic (John): Tony Allen
Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 6x All-Defensive
Pick 336: Oklahoma City Thunder (Phil): Arnie Risen
Stats: 2x NBA Champion, 4x All-Star, 1x All-BAA, Hall of Fame
Pick 337: Atlanta Hawks (John): Tom Gugliotta
Stats: 1x All-Star
Pick 338: Portland Trail Blazers (Phil): Isaiah Thomas
Stats: 2x All-Star, 1x All-NBA
Pick 339: Los Angeles Clippers (John): Gene Shue
Stats: 5x All-Star, 2x All-NBA
Pick 340: Sacramento Kings (Phil): P.J. Brown
Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 3x All-Defensive
Pick 341: Brooklyn Nets (John): Tobias Harris
Stats: Almost an All-Star a lot
Pick 342: Toronto Raptors (Phil): Josh Smith
Stats: 1x All-Defensive
Pick 343: Chicago Bulls (John): Eddie Johnson
Stats: 1x Sixth Man
Pick 344: Cleveland Cavaliers (Phil): Eddie Johnson part 2
Stats: 2x All-Star, 2x All-Defensive
Pick 345: Dallas Mavericks (John): Christian Laettner
Stats: 1x All-Star
Pick 346: Golden State Warriors (Phil): Alvan Adams
My ranking methodology was simple: impact on winning x stats x accomplishments x vibes x era x impact on the game x could the Spark Notes version of the NBA be told without them = the top 75 players in NBA history.
Accolades: 4x NBA Champion, 4x Finals MVP, 4x NBA MVP, 17x All-NBA, 17x All-Star, 1x Scoring Champ, 6x All-Defensive, 2003-04 ROY
If after every championship you win you have to remind the world that you might be the GOAT but also “don’t care” what people say about you, then you’re just not quite the GOAT.
Accolades: 6x NBA Champion, 2x Finals MVP, 6x NBA MVP, 14x All-NBA, 19x All-Star, 2x Scoring Champ, 11x All-Defensive, 1969-70 ROY, Hall of Fame
If you consider birth to retirement (high school, college, etc,) Kareem-Abdul Jabbar is probably the greatest basketball player ever, but what he did in the NBA is still great enough for a bronze medal.
Accolades: 11x NBA Champion, (No Finals MVP Award until 1969), 5x NBA MVP, 11x All-NBA, 12x All-Star, 1x All-Defensive (Began award in 1968-69 season), Hall of Fame
The George Washington of the NBA still belongs on Mount Rushmore.
Accolades: 2x NBA Champion, 1x Finals MVP, 4x NBA MVP, 10x All-NBA, 13x All-Star, 7x Scoring Champ, 2x All Defensive, 1959-60 ROY, Hall of Fame
The most physically dominant player of any generation (unless you talk to Shaq), he should have been the GOAT but Bill Russell ate his lunch for 10 years.
Accolades: 3x NBA Champion, 2x Finals MVP, 3x NBA MVP, 10x All-NBA, 12x All-Star, 3x All-Defensive, 1979-80 ROY, Hall of Fame
Maybe the fiercest competitor in NBA history after Jordan, the Celtics vs. Lakers cage match rivalry of the ’80s is probably what most people between the ages of 40 and 60 think of first when they think about the NBA.
Accolades: 5x NBA Champion, 3x Finals MVP, 2x NBA MVP, 15x All-NBA, 15x All-Star, 15x All-Defensive, 1997-98 ROY, Hall of Fame
Tim Duncan plays and dresses like he just got a bunch of Khol’s Cash from his grandma for his birthday, but the Big Fundamental handed everyone their ass for 15 years of Spurs dominance.
Accolades: 4x NBA Champion, 3x Finals MVP, 1x NBA MVP, 14x All-NBA, 15x All-Star, 2x Scoring Champ, 3x All-Defensive, 1992-93 ROY, Hall of Fame
The second most dominant big-man ever, Shaq’s peak might be the best we’ve seen since Jordan. If he kept in shape for 15 years there’s no doubt in my mind that he would be in the GOAT conversation.
Accolades: 1x NBA Champion, 1x NBA MVP, 11x All-NBA, 12x All-Star, 1960-61 ROY, Hall of Fame
The triple-double king before Russell Westbrook dethrone him, the Big-O is one of the five pillars of the foundation of the modern NBA ( Bill Russell, Wilt Chamberlain, Elgin Baylor, Jerry West, and Oscar Robertson).
Accolades: 1x NBA Champion (2x ABA Champ), 1x NBA MVP (3x ABA), 7x All-NBA (5x All-ABA), 11x NBA All-Star (5x ABA), Hall of Fame
If his ABA career counted, Julius Erving would be somewhere in the top-eight, but even though he didn’t get to the NBA until he was 26, “Dr. J” is still one of the all-time legends of the sport. If anyone made the NBA as cool as it is today, it is Julius Erving.
Accolades: 3x NBA Champion, 2x NBA MVP, 7x All-NBA, 7x All-Star, 2x Scoring Champ
For whatever reason, Steph Curry has his detractors, but his impact on the game is undeniable. The greatest shooter ever changed the way we play the game and led one of the greatest dynasties we’ve ever seen.
Accolades: 1x NBA Champion, 1x NBA MVP, 9x All-NBA, 15x All-Star, 12x All-Defensive, 1x DPOY, Hall of Fame
Kevin Garnett was an absolute psycho on the court for 20 years, and it was so much fun to be a huge KG fan growing up. He proved that anything is possible by taking the Timberwolves to the Western Conference Finals in 2004. If the NBA puts him on the Anniversary team in a Celtics jersey we riot.
Accolades: 1x NBA MVP, 11x All-NBA, 11x All-Star, Hall of Fame
Chuck was screwed over by Michael Jordan more than anyone else other than maybe Patrick Ewing, but he came damn close to taking it to the GOAT in the ’93 Finals.
Wade will go down as one of the best Robin’s ever, but people forget he was Batman in the 2006 Finals with one of the greatest performances in NBA Finals history.
Accolades: 1x NBA Champion, 1x Finals MVP, 2x NBA MVP, 5x All-NBA, 5x All-Star, 4x All-Defensive, 1x DPOY
If anyone thought Giannis had hit a wall and couldn’t be the best player on a championship team, they were proven wrong last season. Giannis finally broke through with an historic performance, and now has one of the best resumes of any player in their first eight seasons. It is very easy to see a scenario where Giannis keeps ascending and one day joins the ranks of the 10 greatest players ever.
Accolades: 6x NBA Champion, 7x All-NBA, 7x All-Star, 10x All-Defensive, Hall of Fame
The greatest Robin of all time played with the greatest Batman ever. Wanted to be the guy so bad that when it was his turn he benched himself because Toni Kukoc was going to get the last shot. That’s a real alpha.
Accolades: 8x NBA Champion, 1x Finals MVP, 11x All-NBA, 13x All-Star, 8x All-Defensive, Hall of Fame
Havlicek had the luxury of playing with Bill Russell, Bob Cousy, Sam Jones, Tommy Heinsohn, Dave Cowens and plenty of other Hall of Famers and he still cemented himself as an all-time great.
Accolades: 2x NBA Champion, 1x NBA MVP, 10x All-NBA, 10x All-Star, 1x Scoring Champ 8x All-Defensive,1x DPOY, 1989-90 ROY, Hall of Fame
The Admiral could be much higher had he not gone to all four years of college plus two years of Naval obligations, but his seven-year peak is a freak show of athleticism, offense, defense, and getting cooked by Hakeem Olajuwon.
Accolades: 2x NBA Champion, 1x Finals MVP, 5x All-NBA, 12x All-Star, Hall of Fame
If Magic is the NBA’s best ambassador, Isiah might be the worst. Everyone seems to hate IT, and it is very much warranted. The Bad Boy Piston is a villain, and still a bad ass on the court.
Accolades: 2x NBA Champion, 2x Finals MVP, 1x NBA MVP, 5x All-NBA, 7x All-Star, 1x All-Defensive, 1964-65 ROY, Hall of Fame
He’s most famous to people my age for hitting the first two shots in Game 7 of the 1970 NBA Finals while injured, but Willis Reed was a dominant center in the era where Bill Russell and Wilt Chamberlain were kicking everyone’s ass.
Kawhi has the weirdest resume of any all-time great. He was drafted 15th, was considered a defensive role player, then won Finals MVP, two DPOY’s, another Finals MVP as a one-year hired gun with Toronto of all teams, now is a perennial MVP candidate with the Clippers, and has also missed essentially two (counting the upcoming 2021-22 season) full seasons due to injury, and basically invented load management. He’s going to be the best player with the worst counting stats.
Accolades: 2x NBA MVP, 7x All-NBA, 8x All-Star, Hall of Fame
He maybe didn’t deserve both of his MVP’s but he definitely didn’t deserve to get hip checked by Robert Horry to kill Nash’s best chance at a championship.
Accolades: 2x NBA Champion, 1x Finals MVP, 1x NBA MVP, 2x All-NBA, 2x All-Star, 2x All-Defensive, 1x Sixth Man, Hall of Fame
Bill Walton easily could have entered the pantheon after winning a championship and MVP by age-25, but those god damn feet cost him the rest of his career. This pick hedges that a bit but it’s undeniable that Waltons few years of his prime were dominant enough to warrant being rewarded as a top 75 player ever.
Accolades: 1x NBA MVP, 7x All-NBA, 11x All-Star, 4x Scoring Champ, 1996-97 ROY, Hall of Fame
The kids seem to think Iverson was a god on the level of Kobe Bryant and LeBron James. He is probably the second most overrated player on NBA Twitter by people who were born after he stepped over Ty Lue (first by a mile is Carmelo Anthony), but that doesn’t mean he wasn’t great, just not top 10 great.
Accolades: 1x NBA Champion, 6x All-NBA, 10x All-Star, 9x All-Defensive, 1994-95 ROY, Hall of Fame
Triple threat point guard who might be ever so slightly overrated because of his triple double prowess and underrated for his bleach blonde look in the ’90s.
Accolades: 7x All-NBA, 7x All-Star, 2x Scoring Champ, Hall of Fame
Rivalled Kobe in the early 2000’s until injuries ended his career too early. My generation’s Dominique Wilkins. I am probably over rating him and I don’t care.
Accolades: 5x NBA Champion, 2x All-NBA, 2x All-Star, 8x All-Defensive, 2x DPOY, Hall of Fame
Pound for pound the best rebounder ever and an infamous member of the Bad Boy Pistons and the ’90s Bulls who is now the only contact we have with North Korea which must be weird for North Koreans.
Accolades: 2x NBA Champion, 1x All-NBA, 8x All-Star, 6x All-Defensive, Hall of Fame
Third/secondish star of the two Knicks titles in the ’70s. Winning ended up getting him in the last spot ahead of other very worthy candidates.
The Biggest Snubs: Vince Carter, Earl Monroe, Pete Maravich, Grant Hill, Alonzo Mourning, Dikembe Mutombo, Nate Thurmond, Bob Lanier, Artis Gilmore, Chris Webber, Adrian Dantley, Bill Sharman, Tommy Heinsohn, Damian Lillard, and Manu Ginobili.
Can’t wait for the NBA’s 100th anniversary when Anthony Edwards and Karl-Anthony Towns are the new co-GOATs.
We finally made it. The NBA is back for a full, normal 82-game schedule, fans will pack the stands, the Bubble is ancient history, and we beat Covid. Oh wait, Covid is raging once again across the United States…fuck it, we tried, pack the stadiums, vaccine schmaccine, and blame Joe Biden. While the NBA is on track for its first “normal” season in three years, the lead up to season 75 has been anything but normal. Executives got fired just before training camp, a lot of guys want to get traded but didn’t actually get traded, and the biggest issue at media day wasn’t how much pure muscle every player put on while vacationing in St. Barts, it was several star players’ chance to spread their increasingly uniformed reasons as to why they didn’t get the vaccine (spoiler alert, they did not do a lot of research). Covid is still with us and will play a huge factor in the upcoming season. As of this writing Kyrie Irving is kind of not really part of the Nets organization until he gets the tracker… I mean vaccine. But it’s time to plow past the protocols and into the future. I actually did my research and wanted to get my predictions for the 2021-22 NBA season out in writing so it can inevitably be used against me in the future.
Eastern Conference Standings
1.) Brooklyn Nets
Brooklyn enters the 2021-22 season as the prohibitive favorites to win the NBA Championship. The same could have been said about the Nets last season but injuries wreaked havoc on the Golden trio of Kevin Durant, James Harden, and Kyrie Irving. Unfortunately for Brooklyn, Kyrie Irving is an idiot and is poised to miss home games because he refuses to get vaccinated (among other things). Most Nets fans were probably already penciling Irving in to miss at least 20 games anyways this season; he’s never played more than 72 games in an entire season in his career. You have tho think that a healthy Durant and Harden can shoulder the load left by Irving’s stupid, selfish decision. Brooklyn has enough talent on the edges to keep KD and Harden from wearing down, and should be able to sleepwalk to 55 wins, and if Irving wises up this is a 65+ win team.
2.) Milwaukee Bucks
You would think the reigning champs would be favorites to get back to the NBA Finals, but Giannis and company have their work cut out for them if they want to repeat. The Nets were a Durant big toe away from beating Milwaukee in the second round, and the Bucks will need Giannis to have a few 50 point, 17 rebound games in him in order to keep supremacy over a rejuvenated Eastern Conference. Giannis, Jrue Holiday, and Khris Middleton are about as good of a big three as any other outside of Brooklyn. Nets vs. Bucks could become the next great rivalry in the NBA, and Giannis vs. Durant might be the heavyweight fight for best player in the league. It feels stupid to say Giannis “finally” won a championship in year seven, but we now know is trajectory is to become one of the all time greats, and a second title would put him in the pantheon.
3.) Atlanta Hawks
After a wild season that saw Atlanta implode early in the season, seemingly not get along, and fire their head coach, the Hawks turned things around and made a surprise trip to the Eastern Conference Finals. Trae Young is the new big bad in the East, and especially in Madison Square Garden. Atlanta might be the deepest team in the league and are primed to take the next step. Although it took a legendary meltdown from Ben Simmons for Atlanta to advance to the Eastern Conference Finals, they have to juice to make it back and challenge the Bucks and Nets in the playoffs. It Young wants to become a true superstar, there’s no better way than to throw your team on your back and beat the best teams in the league. He almost did it last year, the league is officially on notice.
4.) Philadelphia 76ers
Usually when you say “it’s the summer of (insert person’s name)” it’s a good thing. The summer of George is every lazy person’s dream. However, the summer of Ben Simmons was a disaster for everyone involved. It all started when the 6’10” freak athlete passed up an easy game-clinching dunk against the Hawks in game seven of the Eastern Conference Semi Finals. The dunk would have propelled the 76ers into the Eastern Conference Finals for the first time since Allen Iverson took them to the NBA Finals in 2001. Instead, Simmons passed, the Sixers lost, and Simmons and the franchise have been at odds ever since. Almost every other franchise has been linked to trade rumors for the former first overall pick, but 76ers executive Daryl Morey has been reluctant to trade the three-time All-Star for anything less than another All-Star caliber player. Even with reports that Simmons might return to the team, there’s no way he ends the season in Philadelphia. The relationship is broken and so is he. Both sides need a fresh start, the issue for the 76ers is that it doesn’t seem like anyone is willing to give up a star player for Simmons. With all the drama circling the City of Brotherly Love, Joel Embiid will likely vie for his first MVP award, but without Simmons Philadelphia becomes a second-tier team in the East.
5.) Miami Heat
Which season was the fluke: the 2020 Finals run in the Bubble, or last year’s first-round sweep at the hands of the Bucks? Most likely, the true Miami Heat identity lies somewhere in the middle. Jimmy Butler will always work hard and continue to be the man, and even through a slightly down season, Bam Adebayo looks to be on the brink of becoming the best two-way center in the league not named Joel Embiid. The addition of Kyle Lowry will bring some stability and take some pressure off of Butler on a nightly basis. To make a return trip to the NBA Finals the Miami Heat need to magic they saw from Tyler Herro in the Bubble. Herro averaged 16 points as a 20-year-old in the 2020 NBA Playoffs in Orlando, but his production and efficiency dipped in his second season. Now the third-year man out of Kentucky will need to get his juice back and become the star that many in NBA circles projected him as after the Bubble. If he does that then the Heat have a real chance to take the third spot in the East away from the Hawks.
6.) Boston Celtics
For whatever reason, the Boston Celtics were one of the hardest teams to rate this preseason. The organization is in a weird transition period after longtime GM Danny Ainge stepped down, and head coach Brad Stevens took over in the front office. Now first time head coach Ime Udoka his work cut out for him after a wildly disappointing season last year. However, the Celtics have two of the best young players in the game in Jayson Tatum and Jaylen Brown, one of the best perimeter defenders in Marcus Smart, and a man who has gained dominion over space and time in our universe in Robert Williams. Seems like they have a chance to keeps the on-court product above average. Twelve-time Tatum could be a sneaky MVP pick, but will need to play at an MVP level to give the Celtics any real chance to get back to the Eastern Conference Finals for the fourth time in six years after a first-round exit last season.
7.) Charlotte Hornets
Hum-diddly-dee this is a young, fun, high-flying team that might actually still be a year away from real competition. Last year’s Rookie of the Year LaMelo Ball might somehow have a second breakout season in year two. If Ball and MIP candidate Miles Bridges build on their highlight reel relationship, this team might kill Charlotte’s play-by-play guy and yelling enthusiast Eric Collins. Gordon Hayward was kind of almost an All-Star last year and Scary Terry Rozier continues to steadily improve every year. If rookies James Bouknight and Kai Jones can have an early impact, the Hornets have a real chance to rise out of the play-in fray and secure a playoff spot outright. Charlotte might be the the dark horse League Pass team of the year candidate this season.
8.) New York Knicks
Are there any more insufferable fans in the NBA than Knicks fans? Laker fans are close and any fan from Boston is born an asshole, but at least their teams are good. Knicks fans feel good about themselves for the first time since Rudy Giuliani was a “good guy” and now all of a sudden the NBA is whole again? The Knicks’ fall from grace is inevitable after Tom Thibodeau barked his way to a 4th place finish in the East. Julius Randle came out of no where to earn the MIP trophy and an All-NBA Second Team nod, and it all amounted to a devastatingly delicious first round beatdown to new Reggie Miller tier supervillain Trae Young and the upstart Hawks. Good Things in the Garden seem unsustainable. Thibs will run his team into the ground resulting in a catastrophic injury to Randle who led the league in minutes per game last year. Kemba Walker isn’t as big of a point guard upgrade as you would have thought 18 months ago, and RJ Barrett needs to make a significant leap in year three to give New York another playmaker. Signs point to regression and after one season of joy, Knicks fans will be back where they belong, incessantly reminding us how great the Yankees are.
9.) Chicago Bulls
BANB (Bulls Are Not Back) If this was the Eastern Conference of the last 15 years, these Bulls would be a five seed and get crushed in the first round by one of the only four good teams in the first round. Thankfully (although not for Bulls fans) the East is back (EIB) and it will take a lot more than 37 wins to to get into the playoffs. Zach LaVine made his first All-Star team last season, Nikola Vucevic is an automatic 20 and 10, Lonzo Ball is one of the most improved shooters in the league and a good perimeter defender, DeMar DeRozan almost snuck into the All-Star Game last year, and Patrick Williams is one of the most intriguing young two-way players in the NBA. There’s a lot to like about a this revamped Bulls roster, but in the end the defense will be the reason this team only reaches the play-in tournament.
10.) Toronto Raptors
The only people that didn’t have a great time in Tampa last year were the family members of the person who custom makes the Lombardi Trophy, and the Toronto Raptors. The 2019 champs had to play their home games 1,300 miles away from home due to Canada’s Covid policies, and let’s just say the Tompa Bay magic did not rub off on the basketball court. The Raptors finished 27-45, missed the playoffs for the first time since 2013, and got the hell out of Florida faster than Ron DeSantis allowed Covid to spread. They traded the GROAT (Greatest Raptor Of All Time) Kyle Lowry to the Heat (I guess he didn’t mind Florida), and Pascal Siakam is set to miss the first few weeks of the season after offseason shoulder surgery. The good news is they’re back Toronto, which has to be at least a 10 game difference. Toronto also drafted NBA Twitter’s new favorite rookie Scottie Barnes with the fourth pick in the draft. It’s going to be tough to claw back into the play-in picture without a true center on the roster, but a core built around Fred VanVleet, OG Anunoby, Siakam, and Barnes has potential and I have faith that Nick Nurse will get the most out of his team this year.
11.) Indiana Pacers
The Pacers are coming of a season from hell in 2020-21 in which they lost T.J. Warren for all but four games. They traded away Victor Oladipo as part of the giant James Harden deal and got Caris LeVert in return who averaged 20.7 points per game in 35 games for the Pacers, but missed his first 24 games with the club after undergoing surgery to remove one of his kidneys. They hired then fired JV coach Nate Bjorkgren for attending the Jim Boylen school of how to treat grown profession men like they’re 15 year old varsity wannabes. All of that is behind them, and former Coach of the Year and NBA Champion Rick Carlisle is patrolling the sideline, but I still can’t get all the way there with this team. A starting lineup of Domantas Sabonis, Myles Turner, Warren, LeVert, and Malcolm Brogdon (or Ben Simmons!!!) should easily make the playoffs in the East, but I just don’t see it. Their bench is not very deep and I believe a few other teams in the East can make the leap this season, but for whatever reason I just don’t see it for the Pacers.
12.) Cleveland Cavaliers
Somehow the Cavs have wormed their way into becoming one of the most polarizing teams in the NBA. On one hand some believe that their accumulation of young talent including Collin Sexton, Darius Garland, Jarrett Allen, Lauri Markkanen, and 2021 third overall pick Evan Mobley is enough to get Cleveland in playoff contention this season. I’d like to see it on the court before I pencil them into a play-in spot. The Cavs won 19, 19, and 22 games in the three seasons since LeBron bolted for Los Angeles. The Sexland backcourt has flashed brilliance, but both players have flaws that could keep them from impacting winning. Evan Mobley might be the second coming of Kevin Garnett, but most likely it will be 2023 before he can be the best player on a decent team. Cleveland still has to resolve the Kevin Love situation and lacks much depth behind their starting five. While they might show some promise this season, the Cavs are probably a year away from winning basketball games.
13.) Washington Wizards
Congratulations, you’re the Washington Wizards. Your best player is an anti-vaxxer who doesn’t actually seem to know how the vaccine works, although I’m sure he did his own research before asking reports why vaccinated people still get Covid. Well, it’s because of colossal stupidity shown by you, Bradley Beal, and your brethren in stupidity Kyrie Irving, Andrew Wiggins, and Jonathan Isaac. That’s why we are where we are. After that Washington, how are you feeling about the season? Oh, you just traded Russell Westbrook and picks for three role players? Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, no doubt, no doubt, no doubt. While Beal alone should lift them into play-in territory, the rest of the team doesn’t do much for me, and with the East in a semi-renaissance, the Wizards are a prime candidate to take a tumble down the standings.
14.) Detroit Pistons
#FadeforCade paid off and Detroit landed the number one pick for the first time since selecting Bob Lanier first overall in 1970. If Cade Cunningham flashes star potential early Detroit could have a nice little roster brewing. Isaiah Stewart, a.k.a Beef Stew, is the center of the future, Saddiq Bey was All-Rookie First Team last year, and Killian Hayes is the best prospect from the 2020 draft according to no one except Kevin O’Cantevaluatebasketballprospects. With a handful of promising young talent to fold around Jerami Grant, Detroit probably doesn’t have enough to reach the play-in this season, but another high lottery pick next year could help speed up the rebuilding process.
15.) Orlando Magic
Orlando is going to be back, like historically bad. This year’s fifth overall pick, Jalen Suggs, might as well already be Orlando’s best player. Their other candidate for best player, Jonathan Isaac, missed the last season and a half after tearing his ACL, oh year and he’s a very outspoken anti-vaxxer (even if he claims he’s not). After that it’s a guy more famous for a song named after him (Mo Bamba) than being good at basketball, and Markelle Fultz who shoots free throws like Charles Barkley swings a golf club. It’s time to #ChokeforChet or #HowlowcanyougoforPaolo. Personally, I think they have to draft Suggs’ high school teammate Chet Holmgren and become Minnehaha Academy south.
Western Conference Standings
1.) Los Angeles Lakers
Whoever thought LeBron James would be happy to try to win his 5th championship with Kyle Kuzma and Dennis Schröder as his wingmen haven’t paid attention to How the second greatest player of all-time operates, especially since he arrived in Los Angeles in 2018. He and Magic Johnson’s best friend Rob Pelinka figured out how to get him a third star, and make the 2021-22 Lakers the most top-heavy team in NBA history. Pelinka traded a package that included Kuzma, Kentavious Caldwell-Pope, and Montrezl Harrell to Washington for Russell Westbrook and a handful of future second-round picks. Now the Lakers have a three-headed monster to compete with the likes of Brooklyn and Milwaukee. The problem is, they don’t have much else. L.A. is likely to start their three future Hall of Famers alongside Wayne Ellington and Kent Bazemore. Even after signing former stars like DeAndre Jordan, Rajon Rondo, Dwight Howard, and Carmelo Anthony the Lakers are paper thin around LeBron, Anthony Davis, and Westbrook. Those three should be enough to pace the crippled Western Conference, but any injury to one of them could see the Lakers free fall down the standings like they did last season when LeBron and Davis missed huge chunks of time with injuries.
2.) Phoenix Suns
The signs were there that the Suns were about to break out. They went 8-0 in the bubble, Devin Booker and DeAndre Ayton were starting to look like real stars, and they traded for the Point God, Chris Paul. We should have known this team was going to dominate, but still we were skeptical. Well, we’re all paying attention now after finishing with the second best record in the West, making the playoffs for the first time in 11 years, and riding that wave all the way to the NBA Finals where they ran into Giannis’ ascent to the pantheon. All the key pieces are back for another shot at the title. Chris Paul is somehow still plugging along at 36, Devin Booker is a gold medalist and the newest member of the Kardashian syndicate, Ayton trying to get a max contact, and Mikal Bridges might be the best three-and D player in the league. Phoenix’s top-four might be the best in the NBA, but the big question is how they deal with a healthy Lakers team. Phoenix beat the Lakers in the first-round last season when Anthony Davis was hobbled all series long. Davis is healthy and Phoenix has depth issues at center behind foul-prone Ayton. The Suns will need everything from Ayton, Paul, Booker, and Bridges if they want to build off of last seasons’ finals appearance.
3.) Utah Jazz
The Jazz had no problems dominating the West in the regular season finishing in first place with a 52-20 record last season. Donovan Mitchell elevated to second-tier superstar while Rudy Gobert won his third DPOY trophy and Mike Conley made his first ever All-Star team. It’s a different story when the Jazz reach the playoffs, losing to the Clippers in six games in the second-round. The Clippers went small, forcing Gobert out of the paint and exploited him on the perimeter. It’s a pivotal year for the Mitchell-Gobert pairing to make it out of the second-round in year five. The Jazz will hammer teams once again in the regular season, but once again falter when they get to the postseason.
4.) Denver Nuggets
If Jamal Murray was healthy and ready to play the Nuggets might contend for the top seed in the West. Sadly, Murray is rehabbing a torn ACL suffered in April, likely keeping him out for most or all of the regular season. The Nuggets hardly missed a beat in Murray’s absence finishing the season 16-7. A lot of that is on the paunchy shoulders of league MVP Nikola Jokic. The Serbian master fully deserved the MVP even if some people think he’s the worst MVP in 50 years (while learning who Dave Cowens was and disrespecting him in the process). The Nuggets also made one of the biggest trades before the deadline dealing Gary Harris, R.J. Hampton, and a future first to Orlando for Aaron Gordon. Michael Porter Jr. broke out in a big way scoring 19 points per game on 44.5 percent from three, earning him a max contract extension this offseason. The Nuggets will be a top-tier team in the West this season, but will need Murray to return for the playoff run if they want to get out of the second round, something they couldn’t do last year.
5.) Dallas Mavericks
I’m not quite as high on the Mavericks as some other basketball sickos, but with Luka Doncic anything is possible. It’s possible that Doncic is the next Larry Bird and the next Magic Johnson at the same time, and will go down as one of the best players in NBA history. But even the greats needed help to get to the finals. Bird had McHale, DJ, Parish, and Tiny Archibald to help him win three championships; Magic had Kareem, Worthy, Jamaal Wilkes, and others to win his five titles; Jordan had Pippen and Rodman. Luka Doncic has… Kristaps Porzingis and Tim Hardaway Jr., not exactly a championship roster. Luka proved last year that he can carry this team in the playoffs but they did get bounced in the first round and kinda blew it against the Clippers. To get to the Finals, Luka will need a running mate. Three years ago that could have been Porzingis but after a couple of injury plagued season’s the 7’3″ Latvian is a shell of his former self. A big trade is in order for the Mavs if they want to maximize the Doncic era and get a championship early in the career of their franchise player.
6.) Portland Trail Blazers
After Damian Lillard’s mini-summer of discontent in which he floated the idea that he might want out of Portland at some point, the Blazers are back with a new head coach in Chauncey Billups and roughly the same roster. They added Larry Nance Jr. to help improve the defense, and Jusuf Nurkic and CJ McCollum are back and healthy. Lillard and McCollum alone give this team a playoff floor, and Nurkic, Nance, Norman Powell, and Robert Covington give the Blazers as solid a top six as you can find in the mid-tiers in either conference. The bench is not deep with Anfernee Simmons and Nassir Little set to see big minutes. We’ll see if Billups can get more out of this unit than former longtime head coach Terry Stotts, but the defense will probably be a problem once again. This team lives and dies with Damian Lillard’s 35-foot threes; if he goes full Super Saiyan they could surprise and make it back to the West Finals, but it he puts together his usual All-NBA Second Team season, it will be hard to imagine the Blazers cracking the top four ahead of the Nuggets, Suns, Jazz, or Lakers.
7.) Golden State Warriors
Thank god Andrew Wiggins finally got vaccinated, now the Warriors can focus on winning a championship. Seriously though, can the Warriors win the championship this season, I honestly don’t know. Steph Curry went nuts last year, Draymond Green was an All-NBA defender, and Wiggins at least looked like he was trying, and still the Warriors finished 8th in the West and crashed out of the play-in tournament. Klay Thompson should be back at some point this season after missing the last two with a ruptured Achilles and torn ACL. Last year’s number two overall pick James Wiseman is working back from a knee injury that cost him the second half of his rookie season. Rookies Jonathan Kuminga and Moses Moody might be good, or they might be horrible, nobody knows anything with this team. If everything hits, Golden State has the raw talent to compete in the West, but if Thompson is rusty and the youngsters don’t come along then it could be another fight for a play-in spot and another year of Steph Curry’s prime wasted.
8.) Los Angeles Clippers
After the Warriors this might be the hardest team in the West to rank. Kawhi is probably not playing this season. Paul George is good enough to carry the Clippers to the playoffs, but who else will step up, Terance Mann? Reggie Jackson? Is it finally Amir Coffey time? They just don’t have to fire-power to compete with the top-tier teams, and if things start to go really wrong they might even start tanking to get PG and Kawhi a third star to make another run next season.
9.) Minnesota Timberwolves
And now e come to my beloved Timberwolves and I truly don’t know where to go with this team. My heart says KAT has a dark horse MVP season, Anthony Edwards and D’Angelo Russell play at a borderline All-Star level, Jaden McDaniels becomes the next Mikal Bridges, and Chris Finch is the second coming of Gregg Popovich leading the Wolves to the 5th seed and a first round upset of the Denver Nuggets. Unfortunately, my head and history say that KAT will put up empty stats, Edwards will regress, DLo will implode Finch will lose the locker room by Valentine’s Day, KAT will ask for a trade, and it will be time for yet another rebuild. The Wolves have the most talent since Jimmy Butler and Karl-Anthony Towns were on speaking terms, they seem to actually like each other, and Patrick Beverly has given them a defensive identity. But they’re the ultimate “I’ll believe it when I actually see it” team, so I think ninth might be a little optimistic, I can’t help but be optimistic about this particular group of players. We Minnesota sports fans need a win wince the Lynx are four years removed from their last championship, and a Timberwolves tam that flirts with the playoffs might be the team to do it. I’m ready to get hurt again.
10.) Memphis Grizzlies
Out of all 30 teams I’m predicting I am the most confidant that I have completely underrating the Memphis Grizzlies. Ja Morant led the team into the play-in tournament, won both games and earned a playoff spot where they lost in five games in the first-round to the Utah Jazz. All of this happened with Jaren Jackson Jr. playing just 11 games due to injury, although he did play in the playoffs against Utah. JJJ is back and ready to go this season, so why have I downgraded them from their 9th place finish last season? Honestly it comes down to my blind faith that the Timberwolves will be as good as I hope they are for the first time since 2004, and my unwillingness to bet against Steph Curry and a team that made the Western Conference Finals last year in the Clippers. In the real world the Grizzlies should probably be 7th or 8th, but in my fantasy land they end up 10.
11.) New Orleans Pelicans
The Pelicans have a mountain of a problem on their hands, and it just so happens he’s one of the best young players the NBA has ever seen. His name is Zion Williamson. How is a 21-year-old, baby Shaq, All-Star phenom a problem for the Pelicans? Well it was revealed that Williamson, listed at 6’7″, 284-pounds, fractured his foot in the offseason and required surgery. It’s alarming because the gigantic third-year player already has a troubling injury history for a man his size. On top of the injury, there are rumblings that the budding superstar is growing increasingly unhappy in the Big Easy and could bolt for a big market as soon as possible. None of this is good news for a Pelicans team that disappointed last year and made a few moves that didn’t really change their trajectory for the season. If Zion is healthy and they lean into the point-Zion game plan that worked in the second half of last season they have the top-line talent to compete for the 8th seed. If not, this season could spiral into a total disaster for first year hed coach Willie Green.
12.) Sacramento Kings
The Kings haven’t made the playoffs since 2006 and I don’t think they break the streak this season. De’Aaron Fox is arguably the best player in the league who has yet to make an All-Star team; Tyrese Haliburton was a steal in last year’s draft; Richaun Holmes and Harrison Barnes had career years, and Buddy Hield and Marvin Bagley III are talented (relatively) young players. I just don’t think it’s enough top-line talent to compete with the likes of Golden State, Memphis, Minnesota, and the Clippers for a play-in spot. Things are beginning to look up for the Kangz, but they might have to wait for next year to end the playoff drought.
13.) San Antonio Spurs
Like this year’s New England Patriots team that has started the NFL season an uninspiring 2-3, the San Antonio Spurs are officially removed from their 15 year dynasty. For the first time in the Gregg Popovich era, this team might be really bad not on purpose. It’s tough to see a scenario where a core of Derrick White, Dejounte Murray, Olympian Keldon Johnson, and Devin Vassell gets anywhere near the playoffs. Some are indicating that this might be Pop’s last season in San Antonio, and if that happens this becomes a full on rebuild.
14.) Houston Rockets
Last season the Rockets were one of the saddest teams in the league. James Harden decided he was over it and they eventually traded him for a lot of future picks and almost nothing tangible in 2021. However, with one draft pick it seems like Houston is somehow one of the more interesting young teams in the league. Houston took Jalen Green with the second pick in the NBA Draft, and traded for the 16th pick and leading candidate for “rookie of the year or out of the league in two seasons” Alperen Sengün. Green might put up 25 a night in his rookie year, but the Rockets are thin as hell behind him. 2020-21 All-Rookie First Teamer Jae’Sean Tate is a nice piece. Christian Wood looks to build on a promising last few years, and Kevin Porter Jr. and Kenyon Martin Jr. are people who are horrible at basketball. John Wall is looking for a trade, but doesn’t fit this team’s rebuilding timeline anyway. It’s a weird mix of youngsters that might not amount to anything, but if most hit Houston could be a fun team to keep your eye on in 2026.
15.) Oklahoma City Thunder
If not for Shai Gilgeous-Alexander the Thunder would be far and away the worst team in the association, and they still might be with him. The team that was most obviously tanking at the end of last season got a bit unlucky in the draft lottery nabbing the sixth pick and drafting Josh Giddey. Outside of that you have Lu Dort, Poku, and a whole lot of guys that won’t be on the roster in six months. OKC is probably already tanking for the 2022 draft.
NBA Finals
Brooklyn Nets 4 Los Angeles Lakers 3
Finals MVP: Kevin Durant
Even if Kyrie Irving is dumb enough to sit out the entire season (and maybe retire) because he doesn’t understand science and wants to make a phony statement, I still think Durant and Harden are enough to drag the Nets to a championship. Durant went to-to-toe and probably outplayed Giannis in the second round slugfest last season, doing it mostly without Irving and Harden. The Lakers will prove a daunting challenge but ultimately I believe Kevin Durant is the best player in the league, Harden is probably like 6th and their depth with outplay the Lakers role players to give the Nets their first title and the first basketball championship in New York since 1973. Durant puts up an absurd line of something like 37 points, nine rebounds, and six assists per game on 55/45/95 shooting in a seven game classic to win Finals MVP.
Awards
Executive of the Year
Sean Marks, Brooklyn Nets
I reserve the right to amend this pick if and when Ben Simmons gets moved. In a season where we haven’t seen any franchise altering moves (Russell Westbrook to LA not withstanding) it’s tough to decide which executive has done the best job. If the Warriors trade for Simmons and they contend for a championship, Bob Myers will get a lot of consideration. Same goes for any other contender that makes a big league swing at a star player. For now I see Marks winning as a culmination of previous moves and a championship will cement this pick. If he gets Kyrie to get the vaccine just hand it to him the minute the tracker goes into Kyrie’s arm.
Coach of the Year
Nate McMillan, Atlanta Hawks
Is a play-in game appearance for the Minnesota Timberwolves enough to get Chris Finch in the conversation? Finch should win if he wins 35 games with the worst run franchise in sports, but realistically I’ll go with Atlanta’s Nate McMillan. Nate the great took a seemingly broken Hawks team and led them to a 27-11 record after he took over for Lloyd Pierce, and led them to the Eastern Conference Finals where Atlanta took Milwaukee to six games. If the Hawks can pick up where they left off, McMillan should be a shoe-in for the award.
Most Improved Player
Darius Garland
For the better part of the 21st century, the NBA’s MIP is usually given to a good young player who raises their game to borderline All-Star/All-Pro territory (and some guy named Bobby Simmons in 2004-05). This year that player is Cleveland Cavaliers third-year point guard Darius Garland.
6th Man of the Year
Jordan Poole
This all depends on how quickly Klay Thompson returns from his two-year injury odyssey as Poole will start at shooting guard in the five-time All-Star’s absence. He’s lighting it up in the preseason, and like Kenny Wu becoming an honorary Bash Brother in D2: The Mighty Ducks, Jordan Poole is the unofficial third Splash Brother this season.
Rookie of the Year
Cade Cunningham
This could be the most exciting crop of rookies as a whole since LeBron James, Carmelo Anthony, Dwyane Wade, and Chris Bosh in 2003. All of the top-five picks have a chance to win Rookie of the Year and become potential star players in the NBA. Jalen Green might score 25 points per game in Houston, Jalen Suggs might be the best player on the Magic already, Scottie Barnes looks like a two-way point-forward menace in Toronto, and Evan Mobley might be the next Kevin Garnett. However, the consensus number one overall pick, Cade Cunningham, is my pick for Rookie of the Year. Cade has a chance to become one of the most exciting you players in recent memory in Detroit. He can play point, play on the wing, he’s a good defender, and can shoot lights out on or off the ball. He might not score as much as Green, or make as many highlight plays as Barnes and Mobley, but Cunningham is the best all-around rookie and with some talent around him could make some noise in Detroit. His stats will probably look something like LaMelo Ball’s rookie season last year, something like 17 points, five rebounds, and five assists should get it done.
Defensive Player of the Year
Joel Embiid
With or without Ben Simmons, Joel Embiid is one of the best post defenders in the NBA. He’s going to have to do even more if and when Simmons gets traded, and the narrative is ripe for him to pick up some major hardware if he keeps Philadelphia in the hunt in the East with a top-five defense, he should garner plenty of consideration for both DPOY and MVP. He just has to stay healthy and play at least 65 games for the firs time in his career.
MVP
Kevin Durant
Like I mentioned before, I believe Durant is the best overall player in the NBA. He was the leader for the award last season until he got injured, then came back and was one shoe size away from sending the eventual champion Bucks packing in Game 7 of the Eastern Conference Semis. Kyrie Irving isn’t playing because all of the news he consumes begins with “BANNED ON FACEBOOK!!!” so Durant will have to shoulder even more of the load. His biggest competition is Luka Doncic who might struggle to win 50 games, Joel Embiid who is missing his partner in crime, and Giannis who beat Durant in the playoffs, won the championship and Finals MVP with a dominant performance. Durant wins his second MVP, third championship, and third Finals MVP to cement his place as a top-10 player ever.
All-NBA First Team
Guard: Luka Doncic
Guard: Trae Young
Forward: Giannis Antetokounmpo
Forward: Kevin Durant
Center: Joel Embiid
The big surprise here is Trae Young in the second guard spot ahed of more conventional selections like Steph Curry, Damian Lillard, or James Harden. The 2018 draft night trade that sent the third pick to Dallas and the fifth pick to Atlanta finally fully takes over the league four years later. Trae Young’s ascent to All-NBA First-Team will finally shut up incessant criticism of the Hawks for Giving up Doncic at three to draft Trae Young with the fifth pick. At this point Luka, Durant, and Giannis all seem like first team mainstays with Embiid taking the first team spot away from last year’s MVP Nikola Jokic.
All-NBA Second Team
Guard: Steph Curry
Guard: James Harden
Forward: LeBron James
Forward: Anthony Davis
Center: Nikola Jokic
No surprises on the second team. LeBron James keeps plugging along in year 19. Anthony Davis returns rom an injury plagued season to help carry the load alongside James to lead the Lakers to the number one seed in the West. James Harden picks up the slack with Kyrie Irving set to miss Brooklyn’s home games this season. Jokic, last year’s MVP, slides down to the second team and will miss Jamal Murray for most or all of the regular season. I’m not necessarily predicting Steph to have a down season, I mostly just think Trae Young is going to erupt and usurp Steph for the second spot on the first team.
All-NBA Third Team
Guard: Damian Lillard
Guard: Donovan Mitchell
Forward: Jayson Tatum
Forward: Jimmy Butler
Center: Karl-Anthony Towns
I can hear Leigh Ellis now yelling Hoooooooooomer!!!! How do you have KAT on the third team, he’s so disappointing? Fair, Bam, Gobert, and Ayton all have a better chance to be the third-team center, but I believe KAT will have a resurgent season and the Wolves will surprise people with an appearance in the play-in tournament. The other surprise here is Donovan Mitchell over other guards like Chris Paul, Devin Booker, Bradley Beal, Russell Westbrook and a dozen other guards. Mitchell is the leader of a Jazz team that could easily repeat as the top seed out West. The fifth-year guard would have made All-NBA last year if not for a late season injury. The rest of the entries make sense from a narrative and talent standpoint. Tatum, Butler, and Lillard are all amongst the best 15 players in the league and barring injury should show up on an All-NBA team for the next few years. Biggest snubs include: Devin Booker, Chris Paul, Bradley Beal, Zion Williamson, Ja Morant, Russell Westbrook, Jaylen Brown, Ben Simmons, Bam, and of course Anthony Edwards.
All-Defensive First Team
Guard: Jrue Holliday
Guard: Matisse Thybulle
Forward: Giannis Antetokoumpo
Forward: Anthony Davis
Center: Joel Embiid
I left Ben Simmons off the first team because I don’t know where he’s going to play this season. It’s hard to see him in Sacramento anchoring a good defense. Holiday and Thybulle are two of the best perimeter defenders in the league, with Giannis, Davis, and Embiid the class of the big men. I left Gobert off the first team because I feel like the Jazz take a small step back and people begin to have Stiffle Tower fatigue.
All-Defensive Second Team
Guard: Lu Dort
Guard: Ben Simmons
Forward: OG Anunoby
Forward: Draymond Green
Center: Bam Adebayo
Don’t worry too much, I’m not dumb enough to think Ben Simmons is going to fall past the second team. Lu Dort is a fan favorite, OG is an MIP candidate, and Draymond and Bam are arguably the two most versatile defensive forwards in the game.
All-Rookie First Team
Guard: Jalen Green
Guard: Jalen Suggs
Guard: Cade Cunningham
Forward: Scottie Barnes
Center: Evan Mobley
The first team is pretty cut and try as the top five picks are head-and-shoulders above the rest of the draft class. Cade, Scottie, Evan, and the Jalens should all either start or play big minutes off the bench for their teams right away. Green might score 25 points per game right out of the gate. Cunningham and Suggs should establish themselves as reliable team leaders immediately, and Barnes and Mobley have great two-way upside.
All-Rookie Second Team
Guard: Davion Mitchell
Forward: Alperen Sengun
Forward: Corey Kispert
Forward: Franz Wagner
Forward: Luka Garza
The second team is way more interesting to parse than the first team. After the top five this class kind of falls off a cliff. A lot of people that aren’t me love Sengün and think he can contribute right away, Davion Mitchell is a lockdown defender already, Kispert is the best shooter in the draft class, and I’ll just take a chance on Wagner and Garza getting enough playing time to shine on their shitty teams.
Again, when these predictions are all wrong, who gives a shit, I’m just some guy on the internet. If you really want to get mad go yell at John Hollinger.
If it is to be said, so it is…so it be. Like Cousin Greg, it’s hard to find the words to describe the rest of the draft picks 241-450 so we’ll leave it unsaid here. If you want a deeper dive on each pick listen to our podcast like you should have been doing all along.
Round 9: The Inefficiency
Pick 241: Indiana Pacers (Phil): Jrue Holiday
Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 1x All-Star, 3x All-Defensive
Teammates: Michael Jordan, Robert Parish, Damian Lillard, Bob Dandridge, Spencer Haywood, Robert Horry, Zion Williamson, Otis Birdsong
Pick 242: Miami Heat (John): Kevin Willis
Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 1x All-Star, 1x All-NBA
Teammates: Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Dennis Johnson, Vince Carter, Shawn Marion, Billy Cunningham, Fat Lever, Rudy Tomjanovich, Latrell Sprewell
Pick 243: Denver Nuggets (Phil): Rik Smits
Stats: 1x All-Star
Teammates: LeBron James, Alonzo Mourning, Earl Monroe, Dan Issel, Mark Price, Kemba Walker, Al Horford, Gordon Hayward
Pick 244: Utah Jazz (John): Larry Johnson
Stats: 2x All-Star, 1x All-NBA, 1991-92 ROY
Teammates: Magic Johnson, Bob McAdoo, Bernard King, Kevin Love, Glen Rice, Rip Hamilton, Larry Nance, Gus Williams
Pick 245: Charlotte Hornets (Phil): Derek Harper
Stats: 2x All-Defensive
Teammates: Bill Russell, James Worthy, Tony Parker, Yao Ming, Gail Goodrich, Eddie Jones, Rich Guerin, Larry Foust
Pick 246: Milwaukee Bucks (John): Rashard Lewis
Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 2x All-Star
Teammates: Wilt Chamberlain, Clyde Drexler, Dennis Rodman, Dave Bing, LaMarcus Aldridge, Stephon Marbury, Alvin Robertson, Vin Baker
Pick 247: Phoenix Suns (Phil): Fred Brown
Stats: 1x NBA Champion, 1x All-Star
Teammates: Larry Bird, Russell Westbrook, Dave Cowens, Joe Johnson, Draymond Green, DeMarcus Cousins, Rod Strickland, Terry Cummings
Dunking on Oxford 