As the NBA season winds down, some players are finally realizing that not being the best super team in the league kinda sucks. LeBron James and Luka Doncic are two of the biggest NBA superstars, and also two of the play-in tournament’s biggest enemies. The Play-in tournament is new this season to help ease the effects of COVID-19. The basic premise is that the top six teams in each conference make the playoffs like normal, but the seventh through tenth seeds in each conference will have to compete in a short play-in to secure the seventh and eighth seeds. Seven plays eight and nine plays ten. The Winner of the first game is the seventh seed. The loser of that game then plays the winners of the nine ten game for the eighth seed. Simple right? Apparently it’s too tough for the most highly tuned athletes in the world to play one or two extra games in a season that has already axed ten games from its schedule. So to appease LeBron, let us look at some alternatives to the play-in tournament.
Spelling Bee
Imagine Russell Westbrook standing on a stage with the playoffs on the line and he has to spell Antetokounmpo? He’d fucking nail it wouldn’t he?
Arm Wrestling
Who is the strongest player in the NBA? LeBron? Dwight Howard? Zion? Steven Adams? Yeah, it’s probably Steven Adams.
Dodgeball
LeBron and the Lakers are obviously the Globogym Purple Cobras, but who is Average Joes? The Spurs? Does that make Pop Patches O’Houlihan? If so, avoid strolling through the casino floor there Gregg.
Bar Trivia
We could get Aaron Rodgers to host.
Sharks and Minnows
You remember the game we played as kids. Everyone stands on one side of a field with one kid in the middle. All the kids take off running and if you get tagged before you get to the other side you go from being a minnow to a shark. Yeah, that game. Well wouldn’t it be fun watching a bunch of seven-footers running around like chickens with their heads cut off. Who is the fastest? Westbrook? Would Kawhi be the terminator of sharks and minnows? Probably. What a time to be alive.
Call of Duty
It seems like everyone in the league plays Call of Duty, so what better way to decide the playoffs than to have a Call of Duty battle royale? If this happens Andrew Wiggins might actually affect the game.
Dominoes
Better hope Miami isn’t in the play-in because Jimmy Butler doesn’t fuck around when it comes to dominoes.
Dunk Contest
This would be perfect since LeBron never entered a dunk contest in his career. What better way to make it up to the fans while also allowing LeBron to do one of the things he does best.
Red Rover
Imagine Draymond Green running as fast as he can at you with the sole intent to break your arm into a million pieces. Oh wait, that’s just him playing basketball.
Mercy
You know that game. You and a friend (or enemy) lock hands and try to twist the others’ wrists until they yell mercy. LaMelo is out after breaking his wrist, but Miles Bridges steps up and breaks the shit out of Time Lord’s wrists while Hornets play-by-play guy Eric Collins loses his mind in the background.
Karaoke Sing-Off
The Celtics will lose (or win depending on how old you are) because they’re obligated to sing Sweet Caroline. Tyler Herro is a rap song but I doubt that means he can sing. My money is on Luka pulling of a perfect rendition of Cry Me a River to propel the Mavericks into the playoffs.
Three-point shootout
Obviously Steph is going to win this one so there’s no way LeBron would approve it.
Bake-Off
Getting British with it with the only good thing to come out of Great Britain since Princess Diana. I bet Lillard would get the first Paul Hollywood handshake for his giant cake replica of his character from Space Jam 2.
Dance-Off
The Lakers need to bring back their ringer Mark Madsen.
Most Instagram Followers
Hmmmm, I wonder who that could be.
LeBron just says the Lakers are in
Seems like the most fair option.
Survivor
Two players from each team go back to the Disney World bubble, and the last one to leave wins. Whatever you do Hawks, don’t send Lou Williams, just send him there with all the Magic City wings he can carry.
That thing where people put their hands on a car
It all comes down to who has the most patience, or who has the most annoying teammate.
My prediction is this would come down to Draymond vs. Westbrook, and they’re both so stubborn it would never end.
Worst teams get in
Lets go Timberwolves!!!!
Dunking on Oxford 