NBA Expansion Cities: Wrong Answers Only

The idea of NBA expansion has somehow only become more possible in the last 10 months during the pandemic. Most people have thrown out their ideas for which cities across the country the NBA should expand to: Seattle is a no brainer, lots of people want Las Vegas (RIP James Harden), Louisville, even Mexico City and Montreal seem to be real candidates for a new NBA franchise sometime in the next half decade. Thinking about nice cities that deserve an NBA team is no fun so here are a bunch of random places that would be horrible places to give a professional basketball team.

Flint, Michigan

Population: 97,000

How pissed would people be if Adam Silver inexplicably game Flint a friggin pro sports team before the people of Flint had access to fresh water. You’d think we would have fixed that by now, but alas most actual problems in the United States were forgotten about for the last four years.

Albuquerque, New Mexico

Population: 560,000

What team, Wildcats! Get your head in the game! You don’t want to bring an NBA team to the city know as the home of High School Musical and fictional basketball/dance legend Troy Bolton. He’s Larry Bird to these people and anyone who plays for Albuquerque would have to go through arduous dance rehearsals before each game to make sure they get the choreography ready for the big night. Imagine Joel Embiid having to decide between playing in the NBA Finals or getting a callback for Danny in the teams spring production of Grease.

Nome, Alaska

Population: 3,850

Waaaaaaay too close to Russia. We don’t need a Red Dawn situation happening during the Dunk Contest at All-Star Saturday Night in Nome. The team’s name would have to be Wolverines!

Panama City Beach, Florida

Population: 12,750

The Las Vegas of the Florida panhandle James Harden would have to manage his load every time he played against PCB. If I can get up to no good in this town 99 percent of all pro athletes would get suspended within a day, especially during spring break. You would have to move the NBA Finals to November.

Honolulu, Hawaii

Population: 349,000

Way too far away. Nobody wants to have a back to back in LA and Honolulu with a five hour flight in between. Also once you get to Hawaii the last thing you’re going to want to do is go inside and play basketball all day. If they could play outside on Waikiki Beach then we can talk.

Billings, Montana

Population: 109,600

An NBA team would really get in the way of the Billings Rodeo and we don’t want that to happen do we?

Wynnewood, Oklahoma

Population: 2,212

While a Tiger King NBA team would automatically be the coolest team in pro sports, rural Oklahoma is probably not the best place to do it. Aside from the racism there’s a buttload of meth out there and these guys would wish they were Carole Baskin’s dead husband.

Gary, Indiana

Population: 76,000

Nothing good happens in Gary, Indiana.

Malibu, California

Population: 12,600

Nobody is showing up to play if they’re in Malibu. LeBron will just host everyone at his house for taco Tuesday and take the L and then just show up for like three games in April, smoke everyone and win the finals again.

Lexington, Kentucky

Population: 320,600

Way too invested in the University of Kentucky basketball team. Only UK grads can play for the new expansion team which would probably be the best team in the league. AD, KAT, Booker, Fox, SGA, Bam, Jamal Murray, Julius Randle, Tyler Herro, Boogie Cousins, John Wall, PJ Washington, and Immanuel Quickley would win 75 games and six straight titles.

Buffalo, NY

Population: 256,500

Imagine Bills fans as basketball fans? They’d be dunking on all of the poor tables across Western New York. It’s just not safe at this point to give them another team.

Roswell, New Mexico

Population: 48,400

The NBA doesn’t fuck with aliens.

Toledo, Ohio

Population: 276,600

Toledo can hardly handle a minor league baseball team and has like 3 bars, no thank you.

Montpelier, Vermont

Population: 7,855

The best thing to happen to Vermont was a bad joke on Baywatch so yea no NBA team for you.

Key Largo, Florida

Population: 9,950

The only thing I remember about Key Largo is that there was a chain gang at the beach and everyone’s lawn furniture was their coke den piss stained couch.

Wisconsin Dells, Wisconsin

2,841

Way too many water parks. James Haden will absolutely figure out how to get a lap dance in the wave pool at Noah’s Ark.

Grand Forks, North Dakota

Population: 56,500

Too busy caring about a shitty college hockey team to care about a real sport.

Coon Rapids, Minnesota

Population: 62,500

Famous for being where the District 5 hockey team officially become the Ducks in The Mighty Ducks, and my place of birth, Coon Rapids is actually more know for an unfortunate name and seedy roller rink. I have a feeling most basketball players would refuse to play in jerseys that say Coon Rapids across their chest.

Adam Silver if you’re reading this maybe stick to real towns and don’t bring a basketball team to one of these shitholes.

NBA Power Rankings According to Al Pacino

I don’t know what to say really. Two months into the strangest NBA season of our lives and it all comes down to this meaningless power ranking blog. Either I heal as a writer or I’m going to crumble. Inch by inch, word by word, until I’m finished. I’m in hell right now, internet folks. Believe me, I can either stay here and get the shit kicked out of me by internet trolls or fight my way back into the light. I can climb out of hell one inch at a time.

I look around and I see the shit I’ve written and I think I’ve made every mistake a 29-year-old man can make. I pissed all my money away and moved to fucking England, I chased off anyone who’s not British and now I can’t even stand the face I see in the mirror (because I haven’t had a haircut in three months of quarantine). When you get old things in life get taken away from you, you find out life’s a game of inches, and so is blogging about basketball.

In either life or blogging the margin of error is so small. One dumb post about young tv shows or GIF dependant power rankings and you don’t quite make it. One more mean spirited joke about how much you can’t stand British people and you lose readers. The inches we need are all around us. They’re in every Timberwolves meltdown reaction, in every bad inside joke, and every Ben Affleck GIF.

On this blog we fight for that inch. On this blog we tear ourselves and every British person around us to pieces for that inch. We even acknowledge the bloody Welsh for that inch. Because we know when we add up all those inches that’s going to make the fucking difference between winning and losing, between living and dying, being British and being a reasonable person.

In any fight it’s the guy whose willing to die whose gonna win that inch. If I’m gonna have any life anymore it’s because I’m willing to fight and die for that inch, because that’s what life is, the six inches in front of your face (especially if your a British person on the sidewalk). Now I can’t make you read this, you’ve got to look at the guy next to you, look into their eyes. Now I think you will see a guy who will read this blog with you. You will see a guy who is gonna sacrifice himself and read some dumb shit for the team, because he knows when it comes down to it, you better do the same for them. That’s a team, gentlemen, and either we read this Al Pacino centric NBA power ranking as a team, or you die as individuals who didn’t experience this life altering blog. That’s blogging guys, that’s all it is.

Now what are you gonna do?

The answer is your going to read the NBA Power Rankings according to Al Pacino GIFs.

1.) Utah Jazz

2.) Los Angeles Lakers

3.) Brooklyn Nets

4.) Los Angeles Clippers

5.) Philadelphia 76ers

6.) Milwaukee Bucks

7.) Phoenix Suns

8.) Portland Trail Blazers

9.) Denver Nuggets

10.) Toronto Raptors

11.) San Antonio Spurs

12.) Golden State Warriors

13.) Indiana Pacers

14.) Boston Celtics

15.) Dallas Mavericks

16.) Miami Heat

17.) Memphis Grizzlies

18.) New York Knicks

19.) Charlotte Hornets

20.) New Orleans Pelicans

21.) Atlanta Hawks

22.) Chicago Bulls

23.) Oklahoma City Thunder

24.) Orlando Magic

25.) Sacramento Kings

26.) Houston Rockets

27.) Washington Wizards

28.) Detroit Pistons

29.) Cleveland Cavaliers

30.) Minnesota Timberwolves

On any given Sunday you’re gonna win and read this blog or your gonna lose and miss out, the point is can you win or lose like a man?

2021 NBA All-Star Game Picks

The NBA will announce the starters of the 2021 NBA All-Star Game on Friday, a game in which most NBA stars have said they don’t want to play in due to, you know, a pandemic. As much as we absolutely need another round of NBA players playing horse in their driveways and backyard courts, the All-Star announcements (and not an actual game you greedy bastards) come at a time when most basketball fans need a break from what’s actually going on in the real world. This season is different from most for many reasons and one of them is that there are about 50 players who actually deserve to be named an All-Star this year. Unexpected youngsters like Shai Gilgious-Alexander, Collin Sexton, and Jerami Grant are having breakout season while veterans including DeMar DeRozan, Julius Randle, Andre Drummond, and even John Wall are having a career renaissance and are leading teams most thought were going to be at the bottom of the standings to playoff contention. Some selections were simple, some were excruciating, without further ado here are my picks for the 2021 NBA All-Star teams.

Eastern Conference Starters

Guard: Bradley Beal, Washington Wizards

Guard: Jaylen Brown, Boston Celtics

Frontcourt: Kevin Durant, Brooklyn Nets

Frontcourt: Joel Embiid, Philadelphia 76ers

Frontcourt: Giannis Antetokounmpo, Milwaukee Bucks

The frontcourt trio in the East is probably the easiest choice to make this season. Durant, Embiid, and Giannis are all having remarkable seasons and sit respectively somewhere in the top 10 of the MVP conversation. Durant is playing just as well if not slightly better than ever in his career, even after being sidelined for 18 months with what could have been a career ending Achilles injury. KD is averaging 29 points, 7.3 rebounds, and 5.3 assists per game on a near 50/40/90 split (52.4/43.4/86.9) for the third place Nets. At 32 Durant could realistically win his second career MVP award while leading the Nets super team to the third championship of his career. Embiid might be the current odds on favorite to win the MVP (currently third according to FanDuel) and has led the Sixers to the best record in the East. Giannis is still Giannis and while he won’t win a third straight MVP, he is still one of the best players in the league and will be an absolute force to be reckoned with in the Eastern Conference Playoffs. The guard selections were much harder to make. I went will Beal simply because he’s been the best offensive guard in the league and leads the NBA in scoring at 32.9 points per game. At the second guard position I selected Jaylen Brown as a starter over Kyrie Irving and James Harden because Brown has been playing at a high level on both sides of the floor for the entire season. Brown is up to 26 points per game with 5.7 rebounds and 3.4 assists. Tatum is still the leader and most talented player on the Celtics but Jaylen Brown deserves a lot of credit and is a sneaky MVP dark horse.

Eastern Conference Reserves

Guard: Zach LaVine, Chicago Bulls

Guard: Kyrie Irving, Brooklyn Nets

Frontcourt: Jayson Tatum, Boston Celtics

Frontcourt: Khris Middleton, Milwaukee Bucks

Frontcourt: Domantas Sabonis, Indiana Pacers

Wild Card: James Harden, Brooklyn Nets

Wild Card: Ben Simmons, Philadelphia 76ers

Of the reserves Tatum, Middleton, Kyrie, and Harden are mortal locks to make the team. Tatum is having the best season of his young career averaging 25.6 points, 7.1 rebounds, and a career high 4.5 assists per game for a pretty good Celtics team. Middleton is one of the best two way players in the NBA and is in serious contention for a 50/40/90 season (51/44.4/90) and is going to make his third straight All-Star team. Since Kyrie came back from his mental health break he’s been one of the best offensive players in the league. In the last 13 games he’s averaging 28.8 points on 55 percent shooting. Kyrie’s new teammate James Harden has been the one of the best playmakers in the NBA since he got traded and started giving a shit in Brooklyn. That leaves three open slots that about 15 players have a chance to fill. I picked Zach LaVine, Domantas Sabonis, and Ben Simmons to round out the roster. LaVine is an offensive monster averaging 28.5 points per game and the Bulls are officially back so he has to be an All-Star. Maybe Adam Silver can coax him into another dunk contest if he actually makes the team. I had to find a way to get a Pacer in there since they’re one of the few Eastern Conference teams that aren’t pretty bad. It came down to Sabonis and Malcolm Brogdon with Sabonis being the easy choice to make back to back All-Star games. Sabonis has become a great playmaker from the post averaging a career high 5.7 assists per game. I reserved the last wild card spot for someone who can actually play defense and that person is undoubtedly Ben Simmons. Simmons leads the league in defensive box plus minus and averages a combined 2.5 blocks and steals per game. The former top pick is arguably the best wing defender in the league and will give the East their best chance to lock down LeBron, Curry, and Lillard. Guys who just missed the roster include: Bam Adebayo, Julius Randle, Trae Young, Nikola Vucevic, and Gordon Hayward.

Western Conference Starters

Guard: Steph Curry, Golden State Warriors

Guard: Damian Lillard, Portland Trail Blazers

Frontcourt: LeBron James, Los Angeles

Frontcourt: Kawhi Leonard, Los Angeles Clippers

Frontcourt: Nikola Jokic, Denver Nuggets

Four of the five starting spots in the West are no-brainers. LeBron, Kawhi, and Jokic in the front court are miles ahead of any other forwards in the West, and Steph Curry is playing like his unanimous MVP self even though it’s for a middling team. LeBron is the MVP of the league so far and Jokic isn’t terribly far behind while Kawhi is always the biggest superstar who has to exert the least effort in order to take over a game. The second guard spot is where you can go a few different ways. There is a very substantial case to be made for Luka Doncic starting in place of Damian Lillard. Doncic is nearly averaging a triple double and is arguably the most impactful player for any one team. I chose Lillard as the starter because his play has vaulted the Blazers into a top five seed in the West, mostly without C.J. McCollum, and is every bit the offensive threat that Luka is, maybe minus a little playmaking ability. I want to see Steph and Dame just bomb logo threes during a game that absolutely should not actually take place.

Western Conference Reserves

Guard: Luka Doncic, Dallas Mavericks

Guard: Donovan Mitchell, Utah Jazz

Frontcourt: Anthony Davis, Los Angeles Lakers

Frontcourt: Rudy Gobert, Utah Jazz

Frontcourt: Paul George, Los Angeles Clippers

Wild Card: Zion Williamson, New Orleans Pelicans

Wild Card: Chris Paul, Phoenix Suns

Like the East, the West reserves have several complete locks to make the team including: Luka, Anthony Davis, Donovan Mitchell, Rudy Gobert and Paul George. Luka arguably should be a starter ahead of Lillard. The Slovenian superstar is arguably the most important offensive player in the game averaging 29.1 points, 8.6 rebounds, and 9.4 assists per game. Donovan Mitchell is the leader of the best team in the league and his teammate Rudy Gobert is in line to win his third DPOY award this season for the Jazz. Paul George has missed the last seven games with a foot injury and should be back before the All-Star break. The same can’t be said for Davis who strained his achilles and will likely be sidelined for a few weeks. There’s a good chance that Davis gets picked for the team and then someone else takes his spot as an injury replacement. That leaves two wild-card spots open in the loaded West. I decided to pick Zion Williamson only because he’s one of the most exciting players in the NBA. Contrary to what J.E. Skeets wants you to think, Zion is a walking highlight, especially since Stan Van Gundy figured out how to properly use him as a driver and a cutter from the wing. Zion is averaging 25 points per game and dunking all over the league in his second season and will be one of the most exciting All-Star players for the next decade and a half. The last spot is reserved for the point god Chris Paul. CP3 is the reason the Suns are actually good this season and deserves to make his 11th and what might end up being his last All-Star game. The snubs in the West include: Mike Conley, Devin Booker, De’Aaron Fox, Shai Gilgeous-Alexander, DeMar DeRozan, and Christian Wood.

60+ Can’t Miss “Young” TV Show Ideas

With the new hit TV show Young Rock premiering on NBC on February 16th, a series depicting young Collin Kaepernick coming to Netflix, and Young Sheldon dominating the Karenverse and even popping up in a playoff football game on Nickelodeon, here’s a list of more “Young” shows that the networks need to pay me to create for them ASAP.

Young Kong vs. Young Godzilla

Young Mighty Joe Young

Young Pence

Young John Wick

Young Tom Brady

Young Mike Brady

Young Shea Serrano (Call it Shea’s Days)

Young Tiger King

Young Young Jeezy

Young Logan Roy

Young Masked Singer

Young Dwight Schrute (Call it Schrute’s Roots)

Young Kramer

Young Ron Swanson

Young Dr. Evil

Young Golden Girls

Young McConaughey

Young Terminator

Young O.J.

Young Undertaker (Youngertaker)

Young Captain Raymond J. Holt

Young Tyrion

Young Nick Young

Young Charles Barkley

Young Jokic

Young Joker

Young Bachelor

Young Denzel

Young Thanos

Young Keyser Söze

Young Macho Man Randy Savage (Call it Macho Boy)

Young Ron Burgundy

Young Lebowski

Young Boris Johnson

Young Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young

Young Stephen A.

Young Drago (Call it Dolph Young-gren)

Young Two and a Half Men

Young Zodiac

Young Ted Cruz (Same thing as young Zodiac)

Young Kobe

Young Brigham Young

Young Steve Young

Young Snape (Very Erotic)

Young Dumbledore (Call it Youngledore)

Young Joey Chestnut

Young Morris Chestnut

Young Prince

Young Brett Kavanaugh (Featuring PJ and Squee)

Young Afflecks

Young Whalbergs

Young Whalburgers

Young Q

Young Yoda (Not Baby Yoda)

Young Socrates

Young RBG

Young Gandalf (so much weed)

Young Thatcher

Young Frank Reynolds

Young Hulk

Young Hulk Hogan

And last and most likely to get made…Old Sheldon

Obviously these are all pitches for sitcoms on FOX because FOX will put anything on the air.

We Be Beefin’: Best NBA Feuds of 21st Century

Who would have thought that in the year of your lord 2021 that LeBron James, arguably one of the top ten most famous people on the planet would be locked in a titanic battle of the ages with a 25-year-old Atlanta gold digger dubbed “Courtside Karen”and her 60-year-old Dan Bilzerian wannabe husband who distributes alcohol? Sounds like some kind of drunken mad-lib you would come up with in your college dorm room at 3AM while you and your roommates are drinking Natty Lights playing Goldeneye. No this actually happened last night and it got me thinking about other random NBA Feuds. NBA players are interesting because they seem like they can get into with almost anyone and anything at any time. NBA players have been feuding non-stop since the league began in the 1940’s. Here are some of the most fun, bizarre and totally random NBA feuds in the 21st Century.

10.) Malik Beasley vs. Scottie Pippen

This one isn’t neccesarily a beef as I don’t think either have spoken public about the other, but Malik Beasley straight up stole Scottie Pippen’s wife. Pippen, one of the greatest basketball players off all-time got cucked by some dude who plays for the god damn Timberwolves, the least sexy franchise in sports (except off the court this year with KAT dating Jordyn Woods). Beasley was seen over the offseason holding hands with Scotties estranged wife Larsa Pippen of Real Housewives of Miami and being Kim Kardashian’s friend fame. While Scottie and Larsa have been separated since 2016 they are not officially divorced, but the biggest part of this is that Malik Beasley is also married and his wife had to file for divorce after seeing his affair on the front page of the tabloids. Maybe the real feud is with beasley’s wife. Last thought is this, is Minnesota the new Kardashian capital of the world. I mean Kim married native son Khris Humphries, and now their former friends are all dating Timberwolves players. Minnesota is back baby.

9.) LeBron vs. Courtside Karen

This feud is hilarious on many levels. 1.) This lady was fucking ready to throw down with LeBron who is 6’9″ 250. 2.) Immediately going on Instagram to bitch about getting kicked out of the game because you wanted to fight LeBron is why I love this generation. 3.) Having to announce that you are not a gold digger when your husband is the shitty Atlanta version of the bad guy from Tenet is an admission that you are in fact a gold digger. 4.) LeBron seemed to be having so much fun in his post game presser essentially calling them drunk assholes. 5.) LeBron apparently called him “old steroid ass” which is the exact joke I’ve been trying to make. Hire me LeBron.

8.) Klay Thompson and Draymond Green vs. Rodney McGruder

This is a relatively new feud as well as Klay Thompson, who is out this year with an Achilles injury, and Draymond Green put Rodney McGruder in a body bag after the Warriors beat the Pistons 118-91 on Saturday. Apparently the 5th year vet McGruder tried to get tough at the end of a blowout loss and the Warriors took exception to it and hilariously roasted McGruder after the game.

Rough look for McGruder getting told to fuck off by two future Hall of Famers, but that’s what you get for trying to act tough when you average five minutes a game.

7.) Robin Lopez vs. Mascots

Robin Lopez fucking hates mascots and nobody knows why.

6.) Nick Young vs. D’Angelo Russell

Another NBA feud involving the ladies but this one doesn’t involve a player banging his teammates significant other. Long story short back in 2016 D’Angelo Russell recorded Nick Young talking about cheating on 2016 famous rapper Iggy Azalea, who was engaged to Nick Young AKA Swaggy P at the time (2016 was wild). The video “somehow got leaked” the rest of the Lakers blamed Russell and froze him out and the Lakers sucked. Things apparently go so bad that the Lakers told Russell to get the fuck outta LA and traded him to the Brooklyn Nets in the offseason. I guess the lesson is never cross the great Swaggy P, king of Los Angeles.

5.) Charles Oakley vs. James Dolan

James Dolan, owner of the Knicks since 1999 and frontman of his band that he won’t shut up about since nobody cares, apparently forgot that Charles Oakley is one of the greatest Knicks of all-time when he had Oakley dragged out of Madison Square Garden in 2017.

Oakley was allegedly heckling the notoriously soft Dolan because the Knicks are garbage, but the only thing anyone can confirm that Oakley said was his name, Dolan. Dolan had security escort the former all-star out but not before Oakley reverted back to his playing days and got physical with the guards. Oakley was then banned from MSG for I guess not being nice to Dolan who should remember who he’s messing with, Charles Oakley will fucking kill you. This is basically LeBron vs. Courtside Karen, but if Karen was the owner of the team.

4.) Jimmy Butler vs. Everyone employed by the Timberwolves

This is my favorite feud because it’s the one that hurts me the most. Jimmy Butler, international friendly guy, was just minding his business in the NBA when the Minnesota Timberwolves, the team he played for, decided to suck, something they had been doing for 10+ years previously. In 2018 Butler had just led the Wolves to the playoffs for the first time since 2004 and things were finally looking up for those of us who are dumb enough to be Wolves fans in the first place. After a rocky offseason Butler quickly demanded that the Wolves trade him at the beginning of the 2018-19 season. Three weeks laters Butler had had enough and decided to blow the who thing wide open. First he showed up the practice for the first time since asking for a trade. Then he took the third stringers and took it straight to the starters, trash talking KAT and Wiggins mostly throughout. He then started yelling at everyone in the gym including General Manager Scott Layden telling him he fucking needs Butler and can’t win without him. Immediately after practice Butler sat down for an interview with Rachel Nichols and continued to blast Towns and Wiggins on ESPN. It was like Denzel at the end of Training Day except instead of Terry Crews and other scary guys who shot him, in Butler’s case it was Towns and Wiggins, who probably apologized to him and let him continue his demonic run with the Wolves. Butler finally got his wish in a trade that is still somehow screwing the Wolves over more than two years later, classic.

3.) Matt Barnes vs. Derek Fisher

Another classic edition of NBA teammates fucking each other’s wives. As a basketball fan growing up in the ’90s and 2000’s, the last guy you would think of fucking around with someone else’s wife would be Derek Fisher. He seemed so soft and likeable when he was winning championships with the Lakers, and you assumed all the sleazy stuff was for the megastars like Shaq and Kobe. Not so fast it as turns out that Fisher is a dog. He was getting it on with his former Laker teammate Matt Barnes’ wife when Fisher was the head coach for the Knicks. One of Barnes’ kids called him to say Fisher was there so Barnes allegedly drove 95-miles to kick some ass. They got into a fight and that was that. In hindsight Matt Barnes might be one of the toughest and crazies basketball players ever, maybe just maybe don’t bang his wife, pick someone weaker like Smush Parker.

2.) LeBron vs. Dan Gilbert

LeBron vs. Gilbert is a tale as old as time. Hometown franchise drafts the most famous NBA prospect of all-time. Famous prospect blossoms into best player in the league. Beloved organization does absulutely nothing to help player succeed. Famous player leaves for glitzy Miami on national TV without telling dumpy hometown team first. Hometown team owner gets butthurt and writes a really dumb letter and publishes it nationally saying his dumpy team will win way more championships than greatest player in leagues super team. Super Team wins championship like everyone thought they would while dumpy team takes an even bigger dump with one of the worst seasons of all-time while owner acts like a baby for years afterwards. It’s basically Beauty and the Beast but with Dan Gilbert as the Beast, but instead of learning about true love and not being an asshole, he just sits around looking at his flower while being a dick to his furniture for all eternity.

1.) Gilbert Arenas vs. Javaris Crittendon

Gilbert Arenas vs. Javaris Crittendon will go down in history as the one NBA feud that was .2 seconds away from during into an actual bloodbath in the locker room. It is the reason why the NBA can’t have real feuds and they have to take to the streets and talk trash to wannabe Atlanta influences who marry guys that look like Jim Irsay. No the Arenas/Crittendon duel is the best of the best of actually serious NBA beefs born out of the dumbest scenarios. It all started where all of the good duels in history started, a high stakes card game on the team plane. Arenas apparently pocketed some money ($1,100) that Crittendon thought he was owed and didn’t take kindly to the theft. Two days later when things hadn’t calmed down both brought guns to the team’s practice, Arenas had four unloaded guns while Crittendon pointed a loaded gun at Arenas’ head. Everyone fled the locker room and they eventually figured things out. Both Arenas and Crittendon were suspended for the rest of the season and it ruined their careers. Crittendon never played in the NBA again, partly because he sucked and Arenas was traded the next season and was out of the league before he turned 30. The Crazy part is Crittendon went and fucking killed someone in a gang related shooting and is serving 23 years in prison. This is the most insane feud in NBA history and could have escalated into a huge tragedy in the locker room.

Let this be a lesson to you, don’t piss of an NBA player because they will retaliate by fucking your wife or pointing a gun at you, pick your poison.