NBA Teams as Oxford Colleges

Atlanta Hawks/Pembroke College

Really happy to be here.

Boston Celtics/Balliol College

Both were better 500 years ago.

Brooklyn Nets/Wadham College

God damn hipsters!

Charlotte Hornets/Linacre College

Straight trash homie.

Chicago Bulls/New College

Got really cool all of a sudden in the 80’s and 90’s

Cleveland Cavaliers/Lincoln

Pretends they’re special because they had something nice once.

Dallas Mavericks/Magdalen College

You won one championship 10 years ago, calm down.

Denver Nuggets/ Lady Margaret Hall

Pretty trendy all of a sudden.

Detroit Pistons/Merton College

Zero fun, sir.

Golden State Warriors/St. John’s College

Rich as shit.

Houston Rockets/Oriel College

A lot of controversy going on at the moment.

Indiana Pacers/Mansfield

total mismatch, a lot of great stuff mixed with utter trash.

Los Angeles Clippers/Keble College

Really beautiful, but does anyone actually like them? probably not so much.

Los Angeles Lakers/Christ Church College

Full of 18-year-olds who think they’re influencers.

Memphis Grizzlies/St. Peter’s

Grind City.

Miami Heat/Exeter College

Going to fuck you up.

Milwaukee Bucks/The Queen’s College

Front and center but don’t compare to their rivals.

Minnesota Timberwolves/ Harris Manchester College

I love them but nobody else even knows they exist.

New Orleans Pelicans/Worcester College

Bandwagon fans are fun…for awhile.

New York Knicks/All Souls

Rich and steeped in tradition, but ultimately little to no actual substance.

Oklahoma City Thunder/Brasenose College

Kind of responsible for Brexit and the relocation of the Sonics, RIP.

Orlando Magic/Somerville College

Margaret Thatcher seems like she would have some thoughts about Disney World.

Philadelphia 76ers/University College

Trust the process.

Phoenix Suns/St. Hugh’s College

At least they’re trying.

Portland Trail Blazers/Jesus College

Basically Wales.

Sacramento Kings/Corpus Christi College

Close in proximity to greatness, but sucks itself.

San Antonio Spurs/Hertford College

They’re just there year after year after year.

Toronto Raptors/Wolfson College

New, way the fuck up north, and pretty ugly.

Utah Jazz/St. Cross

Pusey House.

Washington Wizards/Trinity College

Fucking hate how much better the Celtics/Balliol have always been.

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