Five Athletes that should get ‘Last Dance’ Treatment

Two months into quarantine and things are ever so slightly starting to loosen up. It couldn’t have come at a better time because people are running out of things to do. First we had Tiger King to entertain us during the lockdown, then trash reality tv shows like Love is Blind and Too Hot To Handle shamed us into watching them. Arguably the most enthralling television phenomenon that people around the world followed religiously was The Last Dance, the 10-part documentary chronicling the life and career of the greatest athlete of all-time, Michael Jordan, and the 1997-1998 Chicago Bulls.

The Last Dance was rushed to come out during the lockdown and kept sports and non-sports fans entertained for the last five weeks. The last two episodes of the doc aired Sunday night and now there is an Air Jordan sized hole in the entertainment landscape for the millions of people who are still on lockdown. The natural question following the final episode is “who else could have a Last Dance style documentary?

There are thousands of famous athletes that could and have been subjects of documentaries over the years, but how many of them could live up to Michael Jordan? The answer is not many. Jordan is the most famous athlete of all-time across any sport and took the NBA global in the ’90s. No one would quite have the same allure as Jordan, and most athletes didn’t let a film crew follow them around for a full year to document their final title run.

There would have to be some criteria that athletes would have to meet before we pick which five athletes could have a 10-part documentary about them. First and foremost, the subject athlete would have to still be alive. You need to be able to talk to them and have all-encompassing interviews like the producers had with Jordan for The Last Dance. You wouldn’t want to have to rely on archival interviews and footage for your 10-part project. Unfortunately that crosses off several great candidates including: Muhammad Ali, Jackie Robinson, Babe Ruth, Wilt Chamberlain, and most tragically Kobe Bryant. The other obvious criteria for any documentary is the subject has to have an interesting story. Jordan isn’t just interesting because he was the best, he had a great story. He wasn’t a prodigy, he had to work hard, he didn’t win for years, then became the face of the NBA and basketball around the world, he had the signature shoes, he was in Space Jam, he up and retired at the height of his career, there’s signature games to recall, a cast of characters to interview, and dozens of subplots to bring to light. Would that be the same for say LeBron James? He was a prodigy, has always been the best, didn’t win, made a decision, won some championships and is very famous. Does that sound quite as interesting? No scandals other than his handling of the decision makes him a poor subject for a 10-part series. There would be little to no drama so historically boring guys without great stories like LeBron, Tom Brady, Peyton Manning, Tim Duncan and others would be out because it would be too boring.

So that leaves us with a slightly shorter list of athletes that could have a The Last Dance type documentary made. Here are my five picks that fit the criteria and could carry a 10-part documentary that people would care about.

 

1.) Tiger Woods

Tiger Woods is probably the only athlete to come close to Jordan’s global popularity in the 21st Century. Woods is arguably the greatest and most important golfer of all-time. He rose to popularity in the mid-to-late 1990’s and was an absolute rock star from 1997-2008. Then it all came crashing down. Most know the story. Woods injured his leg, missed some time on the tour, then all of a sudden his wife was smashing his car with a golf club and we found he he banged every one except that wasn’t his wife while he was married. He had a popularity tailspin, his injuries mounted and most thought he was washed up for the better part of a decade. Then in April of last year, Woods roared back to the forefront and won the Masters, a comeback story for the ages. This documentary would have every element and you have a cast of characters to speak to including Woods, his caddies, others on the tour that he clashed with like Phil Mickelson, maybe coax his ex-wife into an interview, Lindsey Vonn and a whole cast of others along the way. This is the one athlete that I think, if done right, could come close to and possibly eclipse the popularity of The Last Dance.

 

2.) Mike Tyson

Mike Tyson is basically Dennis Rodman level crazy and Michael Jordan level athletic. Tyson was on of the most popular boxers and athletes of all-time during his prime. He was a knockout king, helped make boxing more palatable for the next generation into the ’90s, had his own video game and also had a lot of problems. He was nuts, he bit Evander Holyfield’s ear off, went to jail, his fall in the ring was as fast and shocking as his rise, and there have to be other Tyson stories that we haven’t heard yet that he could shed some light on during the interviews. Aside from Tyson you get Holyfield and other boxers of his era, lug in guys like Don King, the guys from the Hangover, and literally anyone from the ’80s and ’90s to talk about the Tyson era. It would be incredibly funny, dark, and one of the most interesting docu-series’ ever made. The only knock is there is already a Tyson doc, but it’s over 10-years-old and only about 90 minutes long. The more in-depth you get with Tyson, the more exciting little nuggets you will get.

 

3.) Barry Bonds

A Bonds documentary would be the hardest one to get made because it would hinge on him admitting that he did a shit ton of steroids, which he will never do, but the subject is interesting. Bonds is one of the greatest baseball players of all-time and the centerpiece of the biggest scandal in MLB history. He holds records that many in the game don’t acknowledge, and had a horrible relationship with the media and fans during his playing days. For the doc you have Bonds sit down like Jordan, drinking and smoking a big cigar, you somehow get him to open up and press him about the steroids and hopefully he admits what he did. You craft other stories with interviews with the other steroid users from the era including a Rodmanesque appearance from Jose Canseco, talk to Mark McGwire, Sammy Sosa, Rafael Palmeiro, ARod, and let them attack Bonds for being the reason they all got caught. Talk to some slimballs from Balco and a bunch of trainers who were around Bonds and injected him or watched him do steroids and pin him down. This would be a pretty combative documentary but if he finally admits it, the 10-part series could be groundbreaking.

 

4.) Brett Favre

Trust me, a Favre documentary would be better than you think. His life and career have a lot more layers and most fans remember. He was incredibly popular in the ’90s and arguably the face of the league for a few years. Favre was a lot of fun for Packers fans and many other fans to root for, and is now almost a punchline 10 years after his career ended. A Favre doc could get into his early career and trade to the Packers, his rise to success and fame, addiction and rehab, comeback and Super Bowl win, Monday Night Football game after his dad died, eventual demise in Green Bay and feud with Aaron Rodgers, retirement saga, resurfacing with the Jets and then Vikings, almost taking Minnesota to a Super Bowl, iron man starting streak, subsequent sexual harassment accusations, and many other storylines. We get absolute gold during our interviews with Favre himself on his farm/ranch in Mississippi. Talk to his teammates and coaches (especially Mike Holmgren), get some good perspective from his wife, and bring in John Madden to just jerk him off for ten hours. Favre is simultaneously one of the most exciting, maddening, fun, and tragic figures in NFL history and would make for a surprisingly deep 10-part documentary.

 

5.) Bill Russell

We need someone to round out the list who wasn’t at the height of their career during the ’90s. Bill Russell retired over 50 years ago, but his impact on the NBA and sports is still being felt. Russell is one of the five greatest basketball players of all-time and led the Boston Celtics to 11 championships, making him the greatest winner in basketball history. Russell played in an era where Black players were treated like second class citizens, and had to fight just to be respected. He was integral in the civil rights movement and one of the most important activists of his time. Russell would have great perspective on the entire history of the NBA, and it would be incredible to hear what he has to say about his fellow NBA super stars like Wilt Chamberlain, Larry Bird, Magic Johnson, Michael Jordan, and LeBron James. You get other NBA legends talking about how Russell was the gold standard and motivated them to win. Get interviews with other activists from the time and talk about his activism. Even though most young sports fans might not have the same relationship with Russell as they do with Michael Jordan, Russell’s story is one worth telling.

 

Some honorable mentions who didn’t quite make the cut included: Hank Aaron, Lawrence Taylor, Willie Mays, Magic Johnson, Jim Brown, Kareem-Abdul Jabbar, Serena Williams, Michael Phelps, and Deion Sanders.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Training Day is not for 10-Year-Olds

When I was ten years old my hobbies included: playing outside, riding my bike, dominating Frogger on Playstation, and watching my fair share of TV shows and movies. At the time my favorite movies to rent were typical ten-year-old fare, things like Peter Pan and the Disney Robin Hood, you know, kid stuff. One day my mom decided to go to the movie rental store and picked out a few movies without us (probably because my brother and I picked the same aforementioned movies every time). She came home with the movie Training Day. You know Training Day. It’s the 2001 coming of age story of a young cop (Ethan Hawke) who gets mentored by a kindly veteran Cop (Denzel Washington) and they find friendship and have a few laughs along the way. What could go wrong, it sounds like a perfect movie for a couple of lame ten-year-olds to watch with their mom right?

 

Training Day is pretty brutal and super gritty. We were tricked because we only knew Denzel as the lovable coach in Remember the Titans so we figured he was a good guy. Little did we know that Denzel could be a dirty LAPD narcotics detective. We got probably about 15 minutes into Training Day when my mom finally realized that this was not going to be an appropriate movie for kids. I think in that span you get about three N-words out of Denzel, lots of violence and swearing, and Ethan Hawke does PCP, not exactly what my mom was probably expecting to see. To be fair I have no idea what she was expecting when she rented it.

This left me scarred for the better part of the last 18 years. I never fully recovered from the first 15 minutes of Training Day. I finally watched Training Day all the way through for the first time this week and I can officially say that 28-year-old Phil likes Training Day a lot more than 10-year-old Phil.

Whose Career is Better: Favre vs. Rodgers

The Green Bay Packers have been blessed with almost three decades of hall of fame quarterback play. From 1992 since Brett Favre took over as the starter, he and Aaron Rodgers have combined to lead the Packers to three Super Bowl appearances and two wins (one each), 13 Division titles, 273 wins and five NFL MVP awards. Now that it seems like Rodgers’ career might be ending earlier than anybody would have thought, it’s time to decide whose career would you rather have Brett Favre or Aaron Rodgers?

For this exercise I will be looking at the totality of each quarterback’s career. That means we do have to count the Favre retirement saga and his subsequent comebacks with the Jets and Vikings. It is also impossible to predict what will happen to Aaron Rodgers in his last few seasons, and even how many season he will continue to play. He could do a John Elway and comeback and win a few lat career Super Bowls, or he could drop off and lose his starting job to Jordan Love, who knows. For the sake of the argument we’ll assume he doesn’t win another Super Bowl.

Let’s start with the easiest comparison, who is the more talented quarterback? This is the easiest question to answer because it is hands-down Rodgers. Favre had the stronger arm, but not by much and he couldn’t touch Rodgers’ overall arm talent. Rodgers is one of the most physically gifted quarterbacks of all-time. He has a strong arm, accuracy, athleticism, mobility and is also one of the smartest quarterbacks ever. Favre may be nearly as physically gifted as Rodgers, but there’s a reason he has thrown the most interceptions in NFL history. Favre was a gunslinger. Where Rodgers meticulously picks his targets and throws a pinpoint pass, Favre tended to force throws to his receivers, which to his credit worked more than it didn’t, but it had some pretty ugly results at times. Advantage Rodgers.

Next we’ll compare overall career stats. Here’s there stat lines:

 

Favre: Record 186-112  62 Comp%  71,838 yards  508 TDS  336 INT  86 QB Rating

Rodgers: Record 113-60-1  64.6 Comp%  46,946 yards. 364 TDS  84 INT. 102.4 QB Rating

 

A couple of things stand. out from comparing their stats. Favre has started 120 more games than Rodgers, and Rodgers has been much more efficient in his starts than Favre. Looking at their record as a starter Rodgers has won about 65 percent of his starts while Favre won 62.5, not a huge difference. Rodgers and Favre throw touchdowns at a similar enough rate (6% for Rodgers, 5% for Favre), but the interception rate is where Rodgers blows Favre away (Rodgers 1.3%, Favre 3.3%). It is fair to point out that Favre played in an era where defenses could be rougher with receivers and even quarterbacks. In Rodgers’ career pass interference has become a much easier penalty to draw on the defender, and Rodgers himself has more protections as a quarterback than Favre did in the 1990’s. Possibly the most impressive stat for either star is Brett Favre’s iron man streak. Favre started 297 straight games in his career from 1992 until it ended in 2010. That’s the longest streak in NFL history. While that streak is impressive, it isn’t enough to tip the stat scales in Favre’s favor, advantage Rodgers.

Next up is career accolades. Brett Favre won three straight MVP awards from 1995-97, 11 Pro-Bowls, and is a three-time first-team All-Pro. Rodgers won two MVP awards in 2011 and 2014, eight Pro-Bowls, and two-time first-team All-Pro. Advantage Favre for the extra MVP.

Next is one of the most important categories, winning. Both Favre and Rodgers have done their fair share of winning in the NFL regular season, but what ave they done in the playoffs when the games matter the most? Both quarterbacks have won one Super Bowl during their careers. Favre played in a second but lost to the most overrated quarterback in NFL history, John Elway. Rodgers has never made it back to the big game since winning it in 2011. He did however take home Super Bowl MVP honors, something Favre failed to do in 1997. In the playoffs as a whole both quarterbacks have similar records. Favre is 13-11 and 2-3 in NFC Championship games. Rodgers is 10-8 and 1-3 in the NFC Championship. Both have lost big games in very heartbreaking ways. Favre blew the 2007 and 2009 NFC Championships with bad interceptions that lead to game winning scoring drives by the Giants and Saints respectively, both went on to win the Super Bowl that season. Rodgers fumbled away a playoff game against the Cardinals in 2009, and his team blew a huge lead against the Seahawks in the 2014 NFC Championship, and was subsequently blown out of the playoffs almost every other season. This is a tough call but I’m giving the advantage to Favre here for the extra Super Bowl appearance and being two plays away from two more Super Bowl births, while Rodgers’ only real chance at another Super Bowl came in 2014. Advantage Favre.

Picking between two of the all-time great quarterbacks is extremely difficult and it’s neck and neck up until this point. Our deciding factors for making this choice then come down to career perception, and leadership. Rodgers has been talked about in the “best quarterback in the league” conversation since he won the Super Bowl in 2011. The thing is most of those conversations end with analysts giving the caveat that Rodgers is the “most gifted” or “most talented” quarterback in the league, while Tom Brady or Peyton Manning were the overall best. Favre on the other hand was hands down the best quarterback in the NFL for most of the ’90s. His competition was mostly John Elway who may have surpassed Favre only one or two years in 97-98, and Dan Marino who could never get his team to a Super Bowl Victory. It was Favre who electrified fans with his comeback wins and gunslinger approach to the game and was either the best, or in the conversation for best quarterback from 1994-2007. Advantage Favre.

Both quarterbacks have very big but very different personalities. Favre is the loud, boisterous country bro who every fan of the NFL probably wanted to have a beer with. Rodgers is more reserved but has a very funny and biting wit to him. Favre was widely popular among fans across the league during his heyday, while Rodgers is more reviled. Favre’s teammates have mostly glowing things to say about him after they played together, while many of Rodgers’ have accused him of being a bad teammate. Overall both seem like good teammates and great leaders in their own way, but I’ll give Favre the edge for one reason: Rodgers’ more intense leadership style reminds you of shades of Michael Jordan or Tom Brady, only Rodgers had only been able to ride it to one Super Bowl, while Brady and Jordan are the best to ever do it. Sometimes the leader just isn’t quite good enough to demand that much from his teammates. Advantage Favre

Now before I wrap this up, are there any career blemishes or personal issues that either faced that could but a stain on their overall career? With Favre there are a few things. First is his retirement saga. Favre had been talking about retiring since the early 2000’s, which is why the team drafted Rodgers in the first place in 2005. Favre was reportedly cold to Rodgers and refused to help him become the next great quarterback. They had a strained relationship for the first three years of Rodgers’ career. Favre finally retired in 2008, only to return a few months later and expect the starting job that had been given to Rodgers. The Packers didn’t budge and Favre forced his way to the Jets where he went 8-8 and had a decent season that was derailed by an arm injury. Favre then retired again, only to return on Brad Childress’ plane to play two seasons for the Vikings before finally calling it quits for good. Favre also ran into trouble with the Jets when he sent a picture of his watch (conveniently with his dick in the picture) to the Jets sideline reporter. The NFL deemed there was a lack of evidence to pursue anything against Favre, but it’s still not a great look even 12 years later. The only real blemish against Rodgers is his prickly at times personality and alleged alienation from his family. Advantage Rodgers.

I’ve considered a lot when trying to decide who has had the better career, things like physical skill, stats, accomplishments, leadership, toughness, overall perception, and off-field reputation. With everything considered, it I think Brett Favre has had the better career overall by the tiniest of margins. His peak was longer, Favre won just a little bit more than Rodgers did, and he did the most with his talents. That being said Rodgers could go scorched Earth trying to prove the doubters wrong once again and win a late-career Super Bowl or two or bring home another MVP award. That would be amazing and I kind of hope that happens, but for now give me Brett Favre over Aaron Rodgers.

 

What do the Wolves do if the NBA Returns?

It’s been two months since we found out that Rudy Gobert had tested positive for the Coronavirus and the NBA suspended play indefinitely. This week some NBA teams have slowly been able to reopen their practice facilities for safe workouts. It is a move that on the surface seems to show the NBA is moving in a direction to resume the season when they can figure out a plan to guarantee safety for players and their family members.

If things restart sometime in the next couple of months, there are several ideas floating around on how to finish the season. Some think the NBA should go right into the playoffs with the top 8-seeds in each conference at the time of the suspension making the post season. Others believe the NBA will try to get every team to 70 regular season games before the playoffs start.

Unless the NBA opens the playoffs up to every team in the league in some kind of NCAA style seeded tournament, the Timberwolves will not be making the playoffs this year. As of the suspension the Wolves are 14th in the West, 12.5 games behind the Grizzlies for 8th place, and have already played 64 games this season. Any way you look at it, even if the season resumes and they finish ever regular season game that was previously scheduled through game 82, the Wolves have no chance of making the playoffs. So what should the team do if and when the season resumes?

If the league goes right into the playoffs, the Wolves won’t have to do anything. Minnesota will just go into its offseason like any other normal year. But what if there are more regular season games to be played? If the season comes back for at least six games the Wolves should think about forfeiting the rest of the season. There is no reason to bring all of their players to Las Vegas or Orlando to play in meaningless games. Their two stars Karl-Anthony Towns and D’Angelo Russell have both been battling injuries this season and will gain nothing by coming back from isolation to play a few essentially exhibition games. Stay home and keep your players safe and start the offseason earlier vs. corralling everyone in the “bubble” that the NBA sets up and risk getting your players sick or hurt for absolutely no reason? This should be a no-brainer. If the NBA season comes back the Timberwolves shouldn’t hesitate to tell NBA Commissioner Adam Silver that they will not be competing, and should forfeit the rest of the season.

The People’s Spider-Man

Superheroes (and superhero movies) have taken over the world since the start of the new millennium. Batman, Iron Man, Thor, Captain America and a revolving door of caped and masked men and women have been ingrained into people’s lives around the world. The one who kicked off this generation’s fascination with the comic book superhero is non-other than your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man.

We’ve had plenty of iterations of Peter Parker over the course of two decades since the web-slinger swung into theaters in 2002. There’s the cute, lovable, charming Spider-Man Tom Holland. The angsty, troubled, conspiracy Spider-Man in Andrew Garfield, and then there’s the OG, the best of the best, the people’s Spider-Man Tobey Maguire. His portrayal of Spider-Man perfectly meshed the awkwardness and day-to-day struggle of nerd “trying to balance his career and bang Mary Jane” Peter Parker with the heroism and cheeky bravery of Spider-Man. He’s not as handsome as Garfield, and not as funny and lovable as Holland, but that’s what makes Maguire the people’s Spider-Man, he evokes the right charisma and makes you feel the right emotions at precisely the correct time.

Throughout his trilogy, Maguire made you feel like Peter Parker was actually a real person learning he got superpowers from a radioactive spider in real time. Maguire was funny and endearing during his “learning to be Spider-Man” training montage. Learning to shoot his web for the first time will go down in the “intentional comedy made 100 times better by a weird actors line reading” hall of fame.

The people’s Spider-Man also taught my generation how to kiss upside down hanging from a web, invaluable knowledge for an 11-year-old who thought that type of skill would be a lot more useful in the 18 years since the movie came out.

Like they do with the people’s Batman Val Kilmer, many fans try to tear Maguire down with outlandish comments about his less than stellar acting in the series, which is a whole lot of bullshit.

He made us fee real feelings and cry real tears while stopping a train with his shear will and determination, as you can see on Maguire’s face during the train scene in Spider-Man 2.

How else would we know that this act of saving an out of control train could kill Spider-Man if I don’t see that kind of self-sacrifice and determination oozing out of Maguire’s face? If he doesn’t grit his teeth all those people will die. Maguire’s acting was so good he made us believe that he was a jazz loving douchebag for half of Spider-Man 3 just because he combed his hair over half his face and acted like your sisters fiancee Kyle who doesn’t believe in shaking hands and organized sports. Could Olivier do that? Could Brando? I didn’t think so, Maguire had range! He also had to act with James Franco which should be a golden ticket to an Oscar nomination.

It’s been 13 years since Maguire rode off into the sunset after slinging his web one last time. Since then he’s been replaced in our minds with more handsome Peter Parkers, more dashing Spider-Men, but when the class war starts and the uprising begins, it won’t be Holland or Garfield on the tongues of the proletariat, it will be Maguire’s name the people will shout because he is their hope, their savior, their Spider-Man.

The 10 Worst Timberwolves Players Ever

History remembers the greats. Great warriors, kings and queens, great writers and scientists, and even great athletes. Of those great athletes, only one ever graced the Minnesota Timberwolves with his presence (that would be Kevin Garnett). Garnett is the only great player in Wolves history while there are a few (and only a few) other notables (Kevin Love, Karl-Anthony Towns, and a guy named Pooh). Most of the players who suited up for the worst franchise in NBA history have been really, really, really bad and that’s saying something (one of their best guys goes by Pooh). Of those bad players I sifted through the shit and found the ten worst players that ever played for the Minnesota Timberwolves.

The only criteria I had was that each player had to have played at least 50 games in a Timberwolves jersey, and at least 100 games in their NBA careers. That criteria is why you won’t see many players from the last few years on this list because they haven’t played enough games. The other big omission due to the games played criteria is one Ndudi Ebi who only played 19 games in his NBA career. Ok lets just get through this so I can forget about these guys as fast as possible.

 

10. Anthony Bennett

NBA Stats: 151 games  4.4 ppg  3.1 rpg  0.5 apg  39.2 FG%  10.2 PER                  Timberwolves Stats: 57 games  5.2 ppg  3.8 rpg  0.8 apg  42.1 FG%  11.4 PER 

Anthony Bennett is by far the worst number one draft pick in the history of the NBA. You can’t really blame him as he was never supposed to go first overall. In 2013 most experts had him between 4th and 10th, but the Cavs surprised everyone and took Bennett. He never escaped the expectations that follow a top pick and failed to produce for the Cavs in his rookie year. He was quietly part of the trade that sent Andrew Wiggins to Minnesota and Kevin Love to Cleveland. With the Timberwolves Bennett showed little to no improvement and was only valued as another big body. If he would have been picked 10th overall in 2013 Bennett could have had a decent career as a role player but the stigma of being a huge bust was too much and Bennett has been out of the league since 2017.

 

9. Reggie Jordan

NBA Stats: 186 games  2.7 ppg  1.8 rpg   1 apg  43.3 FG%  14.1 PER                                          Timberwolves Stats: 94 games  2.3 ppg  1.7 rpg  1 apg  43.5  FG%  13.7 PER

Reggie Jordan just never really got much run in the NBA. He averaged nine minutes a game and didn’t do much in the playing time he got. Jordan was slightly more efficient than some of the other guys on this list, but he has been utterly forgotten since he finished his career in 2000.

 

8. Adreian Payne

NBA Stats: 107 games 4 ppg  2.9 rpg  0.6  apg  40.6 FG%  8.0 PER                                        Timberwolves Stats: 99 games  4.1 ppg  3.1 rpg  0.7  apg  40 FG%  7.7 PER

I’m pretty sure Jim Petersen though Payne was the second coming of Kevin Garnett. If you just listened to the Wolves broadcasts during Paynes tenure you would think Payne was some great talent who never got a chance to show off his other-worldly talent. That wasn’t exactly the case. Watching him play was like watching a 78 year old Al Jefferson. Payne is 6’10” and could only manage to shoot 40% in his career. He’s the ultimate bench player for the latest iteration of the Wolves, put up meaningless numbers but add nothing of substance to make the team any better from 2014-17.

 

7. Justin Reed

NBA Stats: 136 games  3.5 ppg  1.4 rpg  0.5 apg  40.4 FG%  8 PER                                            Timberwolves Stats: 81 games  4.4 ppg  1.7 rpg  0.6 apg  40.9 FG%  8.7 PPG

I don’t fucking remember Justin Reed at all.

 

 

6. Stojko Vrankovic

NBA Stats: 170 games  2.8 ppg  3 rpg  0.3 apg  47.7 FG%  9.7 PER                                            Timberwolves Stats: 53 games  3.4 ppg  3.2 rpg  0.3 apg  56.1 FG%  10.1 PER

Vrankovic played for the Wolves during the 1996-97 season and was a 7’2″ rim protector. He only played 12 minutes a game in his career but still managed to to average 1.1 blocks off the bench. He spent 4 years in-between playing with the Celtics and Timberwolves playing in Greece. Vrankovic is much more successful since he retired from the NBA and is now the President of the Croatian Basketball Federation.

 

5. Loren Woods

NBA Stats: 215 games  2.6 ppg  3.2 rpg  0.3 apg  41.9 FG%  11.2 PER                                    Timberwolves Stats: 98 games  1.9 ppg  2.2 rpg  0.4 apg  36 FG%  9.9 PER

Woods was drafted s possibly the poor man’s Kevin Garnett and just became a poor man’ basketball player. At 7’1″ Woods couldn’t even shoot 42 percent from the field. Dude you’re huge as fuck just bulldoze some fools to the hoop and score at will. Apparently that wasn’t in Loren’s DNA. He might be the softest player I’ve ever seen play live, and I played with my brother. Woods had zero athleticism and played with a motor that could power those coin operated rocket ships in the mall food court. He only played for the Wolves for two seasons (’01-03) and was somehow worse than the rest of his illustrious NBA career. Loren Woods is probably the most disappointed I’ve been in a late round draft pick in the history of my sad, pathetic life.

 

 

4. Lance Blanks

NBA Stats: 142 games 2 ppg  0.8 rpg  0.8 apg  43.6 FG%  8.8 PER                                              Timberwolves Stats: 61 games  2.6 ppg  1.1 rpg  1.2 apg  43.3 FG%  8.4 PER

Picked just ahead of serviceable big man Elden Campbell and three-time champ Toni Kukoc, Blanks only lasted three years in the NBA. Blanks played in all of one playoff game in his illustrious career, scoring two points, and it wasn’t even for the Wolves. Since leaving the NBA (a nice way of saying nobody wanted him) Blanks stayed associated with the NBA working as the assistant GM of the Cavs before he became the GM of the Suns from 2010-2013.

 

3. Sidney Lowe

NBA Stats: 293 games  2.9 ppg  1.7 rpg  3.9 apg  36.7 FG%  10.4 PER                                      Timberwolves Stats: 80 games  2.3 ppg  2 rpg  4.2 apg  31.9 FG%  8.7 PER

Somehow he was a better coach than player and he was 79-228 as a coach. Lowe backed up a guy named Pooh for his the inaugural Wolves season and played like it. Minnesota was so bad in its first season Sidney Lowe somehow started 38 games. Lowe has spent most of his post playing days right where he belongs, as an assistant coach of a usually bad team.

2. Mark Madsen

NBA Stats: 453 games  2.2 ppg  2.6 rpg  0.4 apg  45.7 FG%  8.1 PER                                          Timberwolves Stats: 270 games  1.8 ppg  2.5 rpg  0.3 apg  46.4 FG%  6.6 PER

The KEY to two Lakers championships Mark Madsen is in the pantheon of weird white dudes who can’t dance. Madsen is the epitome of big body off the bench to grab two rebounds and get a couple of fouls. He played for the Wolves for six seasons from 2003-2009 and racked up a whopping 497 points…and 535 fouls. The only reason he was in the league was because he was 6’9″ 240 pounds. Madsen was somehow on the best Wolves team in 2003-04. He was a horrible basketball player who somehow played the most games of anyone on this list, probably because he’s the most lovable guy on the list. Even Shaq loved Madsen, that counts for something. He’s number two on the list, but number one in my heart.

1. William Avery

NBA/Timberwolves Stats: 142 games  2.7 ppg  0.7 rpg  1.4 apg  33.0 FG%  7.3 PER

Avery was picked to be the heir apparent to Terrell Brandon, instead he became just another Duke hack who couldn’t make it in the NBA. Avery is the rare lottery pick who only played three seasons in the NBA. He could never adjust to athleticism of the NBA after he shot 46 percent in college, Avery could only muster 33 percent in the pros. He is the highest draft pick on this list, making him the worst and one of the most disappointing picks in Wolves history (behind Wes Johnson, Derrick Williams, and anyone David Kahn picked ahead of Steph Curry). Avery had a forgettable career, but will now always be remembered as the worst Timberwolf of all-time.

In more than 30 years as the laughing stock of the NBA, the Wolves have had one great player, a few decent ones, 50 feet of shit, and then there’s these guys who I just listed.

 

 

 

It’s Time to Bring Back Slamball

What if I told you there was a sport our that that combines basketball, football, hockey, and adds a bunch of trampolines, would you be interested? Of course you would, welcome to Slamball.

Slamball was founded in 2002 with games regularly airing on Spike TV from 2002-2003. Slamball was fairly popular for. few years, but was all but forgotten about by 2009. It’s time to bring one of the greatest hybrid sports back to life for mass viewing.

The basic premise is pretty simple. It’s essentially played like a basketball game four-on-four with a few major differences. The first and best is that there are four trampolines scattered around each end of the court. These are for dudes to launch and do sick dunks off of which is 99.9 percent of the reason why Slamball is awesome. It is basically real life NBA Jam, but the defenders can hit you. Defenders can check you just like in hockey, and the court is surrounded by boards very similar to a hockey rink.

After a few seasons Slamball eventually faded out of the sports consciousness of Americans, and late found a small level of fame in Australia and the China. Why on Earth would people stop watching such an entertaining and endlessly fun sport. Who doesn’t like huge dunks and big hits? Those are the two best things in any sport. Anyways it has been out of my life long enough, it is finally time to bring back Slamball and make it a mainstream sport in America.

 

the Chip on Aaron Rodgers’ Shoulder will Make or Break his 2020 Season

Aaron Rodgers may be under the biggest microscope of his NFL career this season after the Green Bay Packers drafted his heir apparent Jordan Love in the first round of the NFL Draft. Now it’s Rodgers’ turn to respond on the field, if and when the NFL season commences after the coronavirus pandemic (hopefully) dissipates.

Rodgers led the Packers to a 13-3 record last season, a rebound of sorts as Green Bay made the playoffs for the first time since 2016. The two-time MVP could not overcome a much stronger 49ers team in the NFC Championship as San Francisco smoked the Packers 37-20 to secure a birth in the Super Bowl. That dropped Rodgers to 1-3 in his career in NFC Championship games. Now it seems like his own franchise may be looking to the future with the Love pick, placing Rodgers in the center of the media’s eye this season.

He has two ways to respond this season. The chip that’s always been on Rodgers’ shoulder, that most likely just got a lot bigger since the draft, could fuel him to a career renaissance and lead him to return to his MVP peak he enjoyed between 2011-2014. The other scenario is that the media and fan scrutiny becomes too much and the 36-year-old Rodgers folds under the pressure and continues to decline, paving the way for Love to supplant him as the started after two more years.

After slipping to the Packers at 24 in the 2005 draft, Rodgers has played his whole career with a fuck you attitude fuelling his out of this world talent. This new perceived slight could be just what Rodgers needs to rejuvenate his career. Looking at the numbers, 2019 wasn’t Rodgers’ best season by far, but it’s not all that far off from elite production. Rogers is still the best quarterback in the league at protecting the football having only thrown six interceptions over the last two seasons. With second-year Head Coach Matt LaFleur scheming new ways to get his receivers open, Rodgers could unlock a new level of the current Packers offense. Last season his favorite target Davante Adams went down and missed four games while still almost reaching 1,000 yards. Running backs caught 8 of Rodgers’ 26 touchdown passes in 2019. Aaron Jones and Jamaal Williams both return in contract years. Both backs could have an increased roll catching passes out of the backfield in 2020.

The argument for Rodgers’ demise will revolve around his temperament, and perceived lack of offensive talent this season. At times in his career Rodgers has been know to be a bit prickly and had a very bad falling out with former coach Mike McCarthy. If anything similar manifests with LaFleur, things could go downhill quickly in Green Bay. The supporting cast around Rodgers is also quite thin. Adams is his only reliable receiver, with no real option at tight end after the release of Jimmy Graham. The hesitation to surround Rodgers with high-end talent could be the organization and quarterbacks eventual downfalls.

Rodgers is 36-years-old and will turn 37 during the season. Whatever happens to one of the best quarterbacks of his generation this season, every move he makes in 2020 will undoubtedly be picked apart in every way possible.

Is Karl-Anthony Towns the Next Chris Bosh?

While the Coronavirus has halted the NBA season, it’s time for some NBA stars to take a step-back and evaluate the trajectory their careers can take. One of those young stars is Timberwolves Center Karl-Anthony Towns. The 24-year-old still has all the potential in the world to grow into one of the most dominant players in the league, but if he wants to cement his legacy and win a championship, Towns may have to look at how former NBA star Chris Bosh took his legacy into his own hands and became a future Hall of Famer.

Karl-Anthony Towns was drafted first overall by the Minnesota Timberwolves in the 2015 NBA Draft. Some saw him as a transcendent big-man, a possible savior for the worst franchise in the NBA. While his numbers have been great in his first four-plus years (22.7 points 11.8 rebounds per game) his teams have not had the same success. The Wolves have won 29, 31, 47(Jimmy Butler season), 36, and 19 games when this season was suspended. That’s not a huge difference from what Bosh did during his first five seasons in the league. In those seasons Bosh averaged 18.9 points and nine rebounds a game and lead the Raptors to 33, 33, 27, 47, and 41 wins. In five years of service both made the playoffs once, with Bosh earning one more All-Star nod (3 to 2).

Bosh spent two more seasons floundering north of the border in Toronto. He became known as a talented forward who put up big stats on mediocre teams. That perception all changed when he decided to team-up with Dwyane Wade and LeBron James with the Miami Heat in the summer of 2010. The rest is history, the Heatles eventually bagged two championships in four years and became one of the best big-threes of all-time, cementing Bosh’s legacy as one of the greats.

To go down in history as an all-time great player Towns may have to follow in Bosh’s footsteps. This will be difficult because Towns is in the first-year of a five-year extension. He could force his way out of Minnesota, but won’t have much leverage for another two or three years. The other question is who will want to team up with Towns in order to create a championship caliber team? The go to answer for who Towns would team up with always seems to come down to the same guys; D’Angelo Russell and Devin Booker.  Towns and Russell are already teammates with the Wolves but have only shared the court for one game together. Even if the three amigos somehow find their way to the same team through free agency or trades, it would be hard to conceive of a team anchored by Towns, Booker, and Russell as being legitimate title threats. All three are great offensive players, but are some of the worst defenders in the league. That wouldn’t be quite the same as Bosh landing with Wade and James, two top five players in 2010 and both top-25 players of all-time.To have the success (and luck) that Bosh found, Towns would need to upgrade his friends list significantly. Maybe Kawhi Leonard opts out of his Clippers deal after two years and wants to grab onto a younger star to keep his championship window open. Maybe young stars like Luka Doncic or Zion Williamson become the next wave of transcendent players and need a sidekick. The dream scenario and one that mirrors Bosh’s very closely would be if Towns found a way to team up with Kawhi and Damian Lillard. That team could compete and would give Towns a legitimate chance at multiple titles and redefine his legacy.

Towns has endless potential to still put together an amazing NBA career, but considering a Bosh like second act as a third banana could cement Towns as a sure-fire future Hall of Famer. Check back in 2035 to see which way his career goes.

What do the Packers do Now?

Just a few months ago the Green Bay Packers seemed to be on an upwards trajectory. New head coach Matt LaFleur breaths life into a team that had missed the playoffs the previous two seasons. Aaron Rodgers starts to show glimpses of his former fire-breathing dragon ways,  and leads the Packers to a 13-3 regular season, a first-round bye, followed by a win over the Seahawks in the Divisional Round to set up an NFC Championship showdown against the San Francisco 49ers. Fast-forward four months and ask the question: why is the fan-base so pissed off? Well a few things happened between the Seahawks victory and now, a week after the NFL draft, to turn even the most hopeful fans into a bunch of jackals.

First the Packers got smoked by the 49ers in the NFC Championship 37-20. The Packers allowed 285 rushing yards and hardly touched Raheem Mostert all game long. This lackluster big game performance all but exposed the Packers as frauds and accentuated the team’s holes. Then the coup de gras happens during the draft. The Packers seemingly have glaring need at wide receiver, and fans are in luck, this happens to be one of the best and deepest receiver drafts in the history of football. What can go wrong? Well General Manager Brian Gutekunst trades up in the first round and instead of giving Aaron Rodgers an offensive weapon to help the team get over the hump, he bypasses the hopes and dreams of fans everywhere and takes Rodger’s backup and hopeful eventual replacement in quarterback Jordan Love. Fans have been outraged ever since and many NFL pundits are still confused by the move. Now that the draft is over and the ramifications of the Packers organizational shift are still being sifted out, what do the Packers do now heading into the 2020 season?

The first thing they need to do is tighten up their organization. The Packers can’t afford any more leaked conversations about how Aaron Rodgers seems extremely pissed off about the Love pick. Basically Packers brass needs to tell Brett Favre to shut the hell up until they get to figure things out and make sure they and Rodgers are on the same page. Then the Packers need to take this offseason and establish an identity. Green Bay needs to develop some kind of sense of who they are in year two under LeFleur. Year one was can be chalked up as a learning experience where players and coaches were feeling everything out and getting used to a new system. Year two is when the Packers must show signs of what style they have chosen to play. If the draft is any indication, it looks like the Packers are planing to get stronger, tougher, and lean on a power run game. Drafting running back A.J. Dillon in the second round and tight end/h-back hybrid Josiah Deguara in the third seem to inform that LeFleur is maybe trying to replicate the power running scheme he employed while working as the Offensive Coordinator for the Tennessee Titans in 2018. If that is indeed the case, LeFleur will still need to scheme ways for breakout star running back Aaron Jones to get involved. A power running game could take some pressure off of Aaron Rodgers who enters his age 36 season in 2020, and hasn’t risen to his former elite level since 2016.

The defense will need to show vast improvement from the NFC Championship without veterans Blake Martinez and Tramon Williams who were lost to free agency. It will be up to a cast of mostly youngsters to turn the defensive ship around, starting in the secondary with budding star Jaire Alexander. Alexander at times over his first two seasons has show flashes of becoming a shutdown cover corner. At other times he has lagged off of his receiver and still allows a number of big plays. He and fellow young corner Kevin King will need to blossom into reliable starters and possible star caliber players if the Packers want to improve on last season.

While pessimism and organizational chaos have been the themes of the offseason for the Packers, fans can still be optimistic about the upcoming season. Rodgers is still a top ten quarterback in the league capable of taking a talent rich team to the Super Bowl in the same vain as John Elway during his late career resurgence. The talk of the offseason was the packers lack of depth at the receiver position, but the Packers still have plenty of offensive talent. Aaron Jones if coming off of a career year in which he scored 19 touchdowns. Davante Adams is still only 27 years old and one of the premiere receivers in the league. Throw in secondary options Jamaal Williams, Devin Funchess, Allen Lazard, and Marquez Valdes-Scantling, and the Packers have enough fire power to be a competent offense. They might not blow your doors off, but enough of those guys can get the job done. The defense still has the Smith brothers coming off the edge generating sacks, and second year safety Darnell Savage could blossom into a Pro-Bowl level talent. The defense is still quite young and has the chance to grow into a top 15 defense in the league.

While the Packers likely didn’t make themselves much better this offseason, the players they kept around could be the right ones to still make a run at the playoffs. Unless Rodgers implodes or retires anytime soon, Green Bay should still be in the mix in the NFC this season.